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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

14 yr old daughters and piercings

20 replies

Creany172 · 16/08/2012 00:06

Recently my 14 yr old twin daughters have had their belly buttons pierced without my permission and now their noses. They are talking about getting their lips pierced and I really don't want them to. I know that they will go ahead and do it whatever I say, but what problems will I face with them when it comes time to go back to school? Anyone else had this problem?

OP posts:
ripsishere · 16/08/2012 06:43

No I haven't. I would be finding out where they had them done and contacting trading standards or whatever the relevent department is called.
I think that children under 16 need parental permission for it. The school are not going to be happy I shouldn't think.

beagreassive · 16/08/2012 07:40

Schools will generally demand that they are removed. Some schools will allow kids to wear clear plastic spacers in their visible peircings, others have a zero tolerance policy. IMO: Piercings aren't that big of a deal. They will grow out of it, and the scars will be barely visible. I managed to hold my DD2 off of piercings till she was sixteen, but she now has her navel pierced twice, four in her lips, three in each ear (one with a stretcher) and her nose and septum. She is very happy with them, and I poke a bit of fun at her, but for the mos part, I am less worried about those than I am 19 yr old DD1's tattoo's!

Original poster
Creany172 · 17/08/2012 15:44

Apparently they don't need parental permission. They told them how old they were and they filled in a form and signed it themselves. No mention of parental permission at all. I was against them having any piercings (except ears) until they were 18, but they just went ahead anyway. They will be going back to school soon and I just know that I am going to be called in about them. Dreading it! They are very obstinate and say that they will not take them out for anyone. I really wish they were happy with the ones they have for now and wait for the lip and tongue until they leave school. The trouble is the more I object the more determined they are to do it. I'm fighting a losing battle and just don't know what to do.

OP posts:
TheOriginalNutcracker · 17/08/2012 15:52

My dd1 is 14 and has her ears pierced (done as a toddler, so shoot me) and she got her nose pierced about 6 mths ago. I had to go with her and sign a permission form.

She's not supposed to wear the nose piercing for school but sometimes does. 3 of her teachers have them and they said that there is a really flat discreet one you can get that just keeps the hole open, but we;ve not found it yet.

Dd also wants her belly button pierced and I have no problem with that, but she is due surgery soon and has to have alot of mri's, so ive said she has to wait until after that so she's not constantly taking it out.

Original poster
Creany172 · 10/09/2012 07:36

All hell broke out at school, as I knew it would. They had to go round school with plasters on their faces the first day. The second I had to take them back to the piercing place because we could not undo the screw on the front of the lip piercings. They are now refusing to take them out and refusing to wear plasters. I've ordered some clear retainers, but they say they will not wear them. I'm at my wits end with it all. I'm expecting them to be sent home today, which is exactly what they want! I have to go to work and I just can't see this ending. I'm in a constant state of anxiety about the whole thing!!!!

OP posts:
TheWave · 12/09/2012 15:48

Just seen this and feeling for you.

14 does seem young for piercing on the face.

Can you get them one to one to discuss their aspirations with you perhaps every week, to get them thinking more widely about what they want from life, school future etc.

I would then tackle their bad behaviour and boundaries only when you have had some non-judgemental chats first.

xmasevebundle · 12/09/2012 21:43

Its not illegal to do so, but tongue and nipple and private area's are.

I had my tongue pierced and i had to sign if it goes wrong blah blah blah you cant sue. (Im a lot older though lol)

Although you dont agree, id rather go and check the places out, could be dirty and vile!

I know off 14 years olds with tattoo's its one extreme to the next.

You cant have any face piercing at school, asked to be taken out if they keep on keeping it will be suspended. Thats my old school(that was 4 years ago)

ProudNeathGirl · 18/09/2012 17:04

They absolutely do need parental permission U16. My DD just had hers done and the salon wouldn't touch her unless a parent was with her. They reluctantly agreed by phone that I could chaperone her friend, who's mum couldn't make it. But wanted a note from the Mum giving me permission to act in loco parents and sign form.

Maryz · 19/09/2012 08:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Miltonia · 19/09/2012 15:54

Another vote for getting some support on this from the school. If they are going to be excluded argue for internal exclusions so they are isolated and have to work.

What does their father say on this? They disobeyed you and had the piercings done, which means some sort of sanction/extreme bollocking should be in order.

DH does not like piercings (even ears) so neither of my teen DDs have any. They don't want to upset their dad.

GilbGeekette · 20/09/2012 08:48

DDs school are absolutely clear that there are NO piercings (other than regular studs in the earlobe) allowed. They are also strict re hair colour. DD had her hair a shade of red that school didn't accept so she was given the option of isolation/exclusion until it was rectified (NB: it was rectified on the same day!) but they're the same with piercings. And retainers aren't allowed. I don't agree with school, but accept that they make these rules so DD has to fall in line.

Not sure how you can 'make' them take out their piercings though, if they aren't willing to... Half nelson and a set of pilers? Wink

Also, to repeat what ProudNeathGirl said, and piercing salons I've ever come across are totally clear about U16 needing parental consent and that's the end of it. I'd be a bit worried about salons that didn't conform to this.

Good luck - and may I suggest my mantra: 14 is the worst age, 14 is the worst age...

cansu · 20/09/2012 21:33

It is your responsibility to get them in the right uniform ie no piercings for school. I can't believe you expect the school to internally isolate them and pander to them by supervising them in doing their work there because they won't follow the rules and you don't want to have a row with them. Why not take away their phones or laptops and tell them that unless they take them out to go to school you won't allow them any spending money or any internet time? yes they will kick off and complain but you are their parent, this is down to you not the school.

Maryz · 20/09/2012 21:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

itsallinmyhead · 21/09/2012 23:34

This thread has really stuck a cord with me. My DD is desperate for a few facial piercings, including an ear spacer.

She came into the front room this evening with piercings drawn on with eyeliner.

She asked me again if she could have them done & pointed out how she 'suited' the pencilled on imitations. I smiled & told her she looks beautiful without.

If she were to go behind my back she knows how disappointed in her lack of respect I'd be...she also knows they'd come straight out.

I've told her she can have a small spacer when she is 16 & not before.

xmasevebundle · 23/09/2012 19:18

post above.

Ear spacer means streching your ear.

I have been there and i regret it deeply.

I went up to a 18mm, it get addictive as you want it bigger each time.

I took it out now my ear is saggy and horrid. It will be like forever and i am only 19!!

Wish i stuck with earings!

itsallinmyhead · 23/09/2012 19:34

xmasevebundle I know, hence the firm no lol. She's hasn't even had her ears pierced!!

She actually just asked me if she can slice her eyebrow now. I'm all for self expression but I won't allow her to modify her body with slicings or ear stretchers etc.

She can make these decisions when she's 18.

I'm sorry you regret yours and I hope there is something to be done to make your earlobe smaller.

itsallinmyhead · 23/09/2012 19:37

I promised the small spacer at 16 but nothing more until she's 18

Startailoforangeandgold · 23/09/2012 19:49

Mine would be grounded for life and the studs removed, by force if necessary from any facial piercings except ears.

Belly button fine, if they really want to.

Facial piercings make me feel sick.

Hypocritical as I love wearing long earrings, but bars through eyebrows and lips, shudder. Nose studs look chavy sorry, but there is no other word for it.

Anyhow school would explode too!

Fireytiger · 23/09/2012 19:50

The reason the school want them taken out is because they could cause injury to said child should an accident happen.

I was 10 when a netball hit my flat ear stud (nothing big or obvious) and ripped it out of my ear. Blood everywhere and pain. It is a real danger this could happen to your daughters especially if they are I a prominent place.

At our school the boys have the same rule too: no piercings allowed - we are trying to bring our students up in a realistic environment whereby personal presentation is considered and anyway they only have to wait until they leave at 16 to not have to think about these rules.

I also know of a student who had a spacer and it has left her ear dry, flakey, deeply unattractive and frankly manky. She was denied going forward for the head girl role because of it and her general piercing appearance. Not a good role model.

I'm not sure what you can say to them to make them change they're mind however I wish you the best of luck.

xmasevebundle · 23/09/2012 20:04

No its gone down to maybe a 6/8mm but its eww. I dont wear my up anymore to it, only way is to slice my ear and stitch it back up.

I doubt if went to the doctors and asked they would even do it, i wouldnt even waste there time or the NHS money as its 'my fault'

I do have my tonuge and a tattoo on my finger when i was 16 and when i turend 18 i couldnt join the navy due to it!

My mum agreed to the tattoo, but i dont look face piercings maybe a nose all the rest look tacky and vile. They also leave scars!

I think the slicing is just a slit in the eyebrow but it looks 'chavvy'

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