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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

DS 19 has a job - how much should he be paying me for his keep?

29 replies

adogcalledbetty · 14/08/2012 16:30

DS 19 has just started his first job. He will be earning £16000 pa. He has done brilliantly to get this job and I'm beyond delighted.

But I've no idea how much I should be asking him to pay towards his keep. He eats like that proverbial horse. Also I used to get the single person discount for council tax and I'll now lose that. I earn not much more than him and have a younger DD at home.

He'll have hardly any travelling expenses and doesn't have any other financial committments. He doesn't go out much - no girlfriend etc.

How much should I be asking him to contribute each month? Any thoughts?

OP posts:

mirry2 · 14/08/2012 16:40

His take home pay will be something around £1000 a month - about £250 a week to spend. If he was living in a bedsit in london it would probably cost him at least £85 per week in rent so I would ask him for £100 a week (to include your lost council tax discount).

If he objects and you're soft you can always negotiate downwards. Make sure he sets up a direct payment to you because it's so easy for them to 'forget'. I know I did that to my own dm. You could also save some of it for him if you think you're asking too much.
I wouldn#'t be too demanding because he will then think of moving to his own place - unless you don't mind if he does.

NatashaBee · 14/08/2012 16:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic · 14/08/2012 16:45

I gave my parents a third of my income when I was living at home, so the actual figure depended on what I was earning. It was a shock the first time I realised I'd have to give them money, but tbh it was still cheaper than moving out and paying my own rent, food and bills!

Floralnomad · 14/08/2012 16:55

Do you actually need the money. My son contributes towards the expenses for the car he uses and that's all. Having said that we know he is a good saver . Perhaps you could take an agreed amount and save it somewhere so that he would have a little lump sum when he eventually decides to move out.

muddyjumpers · 14/08/2012 16:59

When DS2 first moved down south(SE) to work/uni. he stayed at his GPs. They live 35 miles away from where he works.
He paid them £75 per week, all in.(Bills/food/laundry etc..)

He now lives in a shared house let and it costs £320(Bills/rent) + food, per month.
It works out cheaper as he now lives 5 mins from work. and no nosey GPs

CMOTDibbler · 14/08/2012 17:00

£400 a month seems like a fair figure. Remember, you are teaching him to be an adult by asking him to pay his way, just like you have to

BackforGood · 14/08/2012 17:01

I read on here, many years ago a thought which makes a lot of sense to me :
1/3 for their keep
1/3 to save - or to spend on something such a driving lessons that is an investment in the future, and
1/3 for their pocket.

Makes a lot of sense to me.
that said, I think a market rent isn't a bad idea. If he's gone from not earning (or just a Saturday job) to suddenly being on £16 000 pa, then even if he's lest with about 1/3 of that, it will still seem like a lot. If you don't need that much yourself from him, then you can always save it up and help him out with a deposit or something when he is ready to move out.

zippey · 14/08/2012 17:01

Why not get together with him and discuss how much he thinks is fair. Rather than quoting an actual figure. Id say between £100-400 is a fair figure.

TheCunningStunt · 14/08/2012 17:03

Mine would be paying their share of the food, more if they ate more then me too. And definitely digs. Not market value though, but a fair rate seems a good idea. See how much it would cost him to live elsewhere and make it just s bit cheaper. I have no issue when my children grow up for them to pay their way if they are still at home.

LadyInThread · 14/08/2012 17:06

DS1 (20) is on his work placement from University and gets a salary of £16,000.

He is in a shared house with his rent/bills being £420 and then he has food on top so I think around the £400 mark would be a fair figure. He should then put something away for savings.

ColourMeWithChaos · 14/08/2012 17:08

My 18 year old DS is earning 16 000- 17000 and pays us £75 a week rent all in - about the same if he was house sharing around here.

He also pays for his car expenses, mobile phone etc.

What he doesn't know is that I'm saving all the money up for him for when he wants to put down a deposit or get married.

OhEmGee24 · 16/08/2012 21:53

I paid my parents just £150 all in per month when I was 22!

eatyourveg · 17/08/2012 07:52

DS is about to start his gap year and while he is at home, all we were going to ask for from Sept 1st is the cost of the child benefit and tax credits that we are due to lose for him on Aug 31st (Think thats when it all stops) That way the money coming in each week stays the same and he does his bit by learning to contribute.

foofooyeah · 17/08/2012 10:54

It depends what other expenses he has - like transport costs, whether he is learning to drive and wants a car. I do think he should have a decent amount of money left to spend as its prob the only time he will!!

EG: my son was taking home about £750 but had very expensive train fares so I only took £50 a month off him.

I would probably go for the £200 - £250 a month mark.

LineRunner · 17/08/2012 15:01

I suppose I'd work out what is actual keep really is.

His share of the Council Tax.
His share of the energy / utility bills.
His food and groceries.

That's about £200 a month for starters.

Then there's the rent issue. Would you (could you) get a lodger in if he weren't living with you? Or are you not bothered?

Do you clean for him? Or does he clean the house for you?

There are a lot of variables, I think.

I do know a working man of 35 who lives at home with his mother because she only charges £200 a month. It suits them, clearly; but he now says he can't ever afford to move out!

mollymole · 17/08/2012 15:29

I would ask for £75 a week, paid by monthly direct debit. Then have a chat to him and try to persuade him to split the balnce 50/50 - spend and save, although does of course depend on his commuting costs.

anonymumble · 17/08/2012 15:43

I think you should take into consideration all the money you lose by him working, including the council tax then look at the local cost of renting just a room and board and come in somewhere inbetween. It would be very bad for him to have too much money to spend and he does need to understand how much things cost.

An ex-colleague of mine had a great idea, he charged his children a percentage of their salaries so when they got a rise so did he. It worked out eventually that they decided to leave home! They need support at first but eventually need to be independent. If it is a struggle for him at the beginning you can always buy him little presents but not necessities.

ImperialBlether · 17/08/2012 21:19

OK I'd say (if you can afford it) he can have the first couple of months free of charge. It's lovely to have those first pay packets.

After that I'd say £100 per week and I would save £150 per month of that for him. Out of the rest, I'd encourage him to save as much as he can.

BackforGood · 20/08/2012 00:02

Your first pay packet seems massive though, if you are moving from no earnings, or a PT min wage job, to a "real" salary. Makes a lot of sense to me, to not get used to having LOADS of spending money at the beginning, as then it will always seem like you are taking things off them that they once had, but if they never had it. It's a bit like the advice I always give about setting up a standing order into a saving account for the day that your wages / salary comes into your account. That way, it's a bit like a tax, you don't miss it because you never have it 'available' to spend.

TellyBug · 20/08/2012 00:07

I paid £200 a month when earning £14,000 about 10 years ago, if that helps. I thought it was cheap.

Please do take rent though. The kids who never paid their parents 'rent' were clueless imbeciles.

TellyBug · 20/08/2012 00:08

And he should save on top of the rent!

minikimmi · 20/08/2012 19:00

I don't get this idea of taking keep off your kids then saving it for them to give it back? My dd is just about to start college, she has a weekend job too and altogether with her bursary she will get about 480 pcm and we have told her she will be putting 200 of that into the house. It doesn't cover what we're losing in tax credits or family allowance by her leaving school but it will leave her more than enough per week to spend on herself. She's only 17 so that might all change next year when she can get into pubs!

IrrationalFear · 20/08/2012 20:01

I paid £150 as per my parents request when I was 24 and earned £25k.

BackforGood · 21/08/2012 00:21

mini - it's because it's very easy to get used to having lots of 'spending money' which would be sorely missed if you were paying a commercial rent or a mortgage and all the bills that come with living alone. If you've never had it (ie, your parents decided to charge you a reasonable, and not subsidised 'housekeeping' amount), then you wouldn't miss it in the same way.
The 'save it for them' bit comes about when families don't actually need the money to balance the books. Some do, some don't, that bit is for those who don't need it, and would like to be able to help their dc out when they might need a bit of financial support.

Wowserz129 · 21/08/2012 00:25

Although I do agree that he has to learn the value of money, I do not agree he should have to pay as much as you would for a flat share. Most kids would rather not live with parents given the choice.

I also think its nice to give ds time too save for a car or house etc.

I would take £250 a month but I guess other factors should be taken in likd how much you are losing and can afford.

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