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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Son keeps going in to school late

19 replies

Deedeem · 24/05/2012 08:39

I'm in need of some ideas! He keeps getting up late, staying in the bathroom for around an hour [not doing anything] and leaving late for school.

I've told him that every time he goes in the bathroom [at night] and spends more than 1/2 hour, gets up late in the morning, spends 1 hour in the bathroom and leaves for school after 7.50am, the TV goes off half an hour earlier that evening. So tonight, it's going off at 8pm.

There is now no xbox after 7pm and tonight none at all as he chose to come off AFTER 7pm yesterday. All this, however, is a slow strategy because my thinking is that he will eventually get fed up with the TV being turned of earlier and earlier and correct his behaviour.

Any ideas for how to get him to spend less time in the bathroom and get to bed on time so that it happens quicker??

OP posts:

PositiveAttitude · 24/05/2012 08:54

How old is he? We had similar with DD4. Although we would get her up for school at 6.30 and she just seemed incapable of doing everything in time and left late.

I brought this up at a parents evening (she's 14, year 10) and her teacher and I came up with a punishment/reward plan between us, so it wasn't just me nagging at her every morning, she knew she had sanctions at school for her lateness as well.
Before this the school seemed to just let it go and not be that bothered, although I was!!

I do confess I went through all sorts before the school helped. I nagged, ignored, had "timed" mornings(ie: you have 20 minutes to eat your breakfast, 5 minutes to do your hair etc..) totally ignoring the time etc, etc... the worst for me was if she was late one morning the next day I woke her 15 minutes earlier. When it was heading for 4.30 and I was a zombie for the rest of the day it was abandoned!!

Not much help there, but you are not alone!!

Original poster

Deedeem · 24/05/2012 09:04

He's 15, year 10 too.

The thing is, I refuse to be the one to keep waking him as he will then be reliant on me to get him up. I'm more interested in helping him to become responsible for getting himself up. In fact, he does get himself up, he just chooses to do it late.

In all honesty though, the real problem is him staying in the bathroom way too long. That takes a whole big chunk out of his time. If he were to spen less time, he would then have plenty of time to get ready and get to school.

OP posts:

aliportico · 24/05/2012 09:14

After 2 terms of lateness I got a letter from an EWO. The bollocking dd got after that - I was really annoyed that I was the one getting hassled and threatened when she wasn't being punished at school - has put her off being late for the last year.

MissFaversham · 24/05/2012 12:38

I feel your pain OP, my DS cuts it so fine in the morning that one little hiccup makes him late doesn't matter what time he wakes up! My heart used to litterally be in my mouth. I now let him get on with it, if he's late then so be it (it's never more than a minute or two so no learning is being missed).

MissFaversham · 24/05/2012 12:39

Oh and he's 14 by the way.

Tabliope · 24/05/2012 19:06

Going through the same with DS age 14 which ended in another argument this morning as he has a bus to catch. I was considering telling the school bus driver to go without him and then making DS catch a taxi with his money each time he missed it. I'm completely fed up nagging him. Getting him out the shower at night is a pain too. I'm thinking of getting an egg timer as my water bills have gone up with his nightly 30 minute showers.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 24/05/2012 19:09

Ds1 13 is just as bad.

I deduct £1 from his pocket money every time he misses his train cos he left the house late.

I also take his phone when he goes to bed and he doesn't get it back til he leaves in the morning.

I'm such a wicked parent, I used to turn off the hot water if he took longer than 15 mins in the shower, its worked though!

bumpybecky · 24/05/2012 19:16

in the same situation here - got a letter on tuesday about dd1 being late, she's 14 in year 9

not got any sensible suggestions, will check back for more tips :)

Maryz · 24/05/2012 19:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tabliope · 24/05/2012 20:44

Tantrums - I've thought about turning the water off. I think I might try that. It's the constant nagging that I feel I've been reduced to. I try not to. Mornings are especially bad. I want him to take responsibility. I'm hoping to move closer to the school soon so he'll be able to walk. I think then if he is late the school will deal with it. Thought I'd get him his own very loud alarm for year 10. Problem is I just think he'll turn it off. Think I'm going to have to let him get into trouble with school a few times before it sinks in.

Chubfuddler · 24/05/2012 20:46

He's in the bathroom so long because he's wanking, I would imagine.

MissFaversham · 25/05/2012 12:33

I'm hoping to move closer to the school soon so he'll be able to walk

We live round the corner from school

Oh, Ive got a "wanking story" for you all for a bit of a giggle seeing's it's Friday.

DS had his sim taken off him a while back but sneaky little bugger found another sim. Took whole phone off him.

Sneaked in to check on him one night and saw he was under the covers with something (thinking , don't gell me he's got another phone from somewhere) I pulled the covers off him and said "Right you, hand it over" He was only having a J Arthur to music on his IPod, WELL - I threw the covers back, said "As you were" and departed

AmberLeaf · 25/05/2012 12:37

Miss Faversham!

Aliportico, yes its the parents who will get taken to court and fined! The only thing that made my 15 yr old yr 10 DS buck up was hearing me threatened with court if it carried on.

TBH I think school shouldve done more to him before it got to that stage.

IloveJudgeJudy · 27/05/2012 13:40

Agree with Maryz. In my DC's school there is a system of detentions, reports, etc that escalate. DD also 15 had a threatened Saturday detention and also that she would have to make up double the time she had missed. I was completely in agreement with the school, grateful, in fact.

However, on talking with the school I have found out that ultimately, they would have taken us, the parents to court, no matter how much we had cooperated.

zipzap · 27/05/2012 15:11

I'm sure you have but...
Have you sat down and talked with him about this, asked him to talk through minute by minute what he does in the morning with you when getting ready for school, and what he's thinking about? Could you spend a morning with you being at his side every moment he is getting ready (maybe standing outside the door of the bathroom while shouts updates when he's on the loo or in the shower) and see exactly what is going on? With the threat of you coming in if he doesn't give suitable explanations for his time - silence for a minute or two if he says he is about to rinse shampoo out of his hair but beyond that it's not).

Might also be worth trying to ask him for ideas on how he thinks you can work together to ensure he gets to school on time - where he's having problems in the morning and what can be done to overcome them. Does he see there is a problem and acknowledge it or even care about it? Does he have other reasons for wanting to be late - avoid somebody or something, see somebody else on the next bus, avoid bullies, doesn't like form teacher etc so that he is actively trying to be late regardless of when he gets up? Does he realise it is you that will be taken to court if he carries on like this?

I know you don't want to wake him up but maybe you could on condition that he does an extra chore for you somewhere else, like stacking the dishwasher or hoovering or whatever... That way although you are waking him up as you didn't want to he is having uo do something for you to give something back to you.

Coul you also say that if he is behaving like a toddler then you'll treat him like one, have some sort of punishment / reward chart that will have some real impact on his life...

Sorry, lots Of questions but no answers. Sounds like there are things going in around this beyond simple stuff that can be easily fixed if making him get up at 4.30 didn't help...

Good luck!

2fedup · 27/05/2012 15:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Solo · 31/05/2012 11:37

My Ds is 13 and in year 9 and seems to be late 98% of the time. He has detention almost every week for lateness.
He doesn't sleep at night for whatever reason; sometimes he just can't sleep, other times he's listening to music through his earphones so I don't necessarily hear it, or he reads, then he can't wake up in the mornings, and seems to be on a go slow when he does...and there are other problems which I'm about to start a thread for.

flow4 · 31/05/2012 18:19

I can't comment on girls, but I think it's highly likely that any 15 yo boy in the bathroom for an hour is masturbating. Can you suggest he does it at bedtime instead? Even if that's not the reason he's taking so long, your request will probably speed him up!
We have one bathroom, and 3 people to get out of the house before 8am. In the end, I removed the lock from our bathroom door...!

Lilythebeige · 28/01/2013 09:25

Morning just found your thread in desperation, if you substitute wanking for applying make-up you'll understand the frustration a 14 year old daughter causes. She has won the various mexican stand offs I put in place ie Loss of phone/tv/ipad I've walked to school with her-didn't end well, she was reduced to tears and gave me the finger at the school gate. I've made her clean the grout in the shower room and alphabetize the books in the play room but she is getting worse.
This morning she left the house at 9.10 she is supposed to be in her form room for 8.40 and she has a 10 min walk. I understand why she is reluctant to go to school (dyslexia) but that brings me no closer to a solution.
Oh well at least I'm not alone

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