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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Girlfriend/boyfriend staying over at 13??

13 replies

chardom · 19/02/2012 13:45

My 13yo DS has had a girlfriend for a few weeks and I was shocked last night when she asked him to stay over at her house, in her room. I told him that I couldn't let him stay there and he got offended and said was I calling her a slut, as she had only suggested they share a bed for the night, not have sex!! I am sticking to my guns and still saying no as I don't agree with teenagers sharing a bed at this young age, but I was wondering what do other parents do with teenagers of this age? Am I being old fashioned or am I right to refuse permission?

OP posts:

MrsPresley · 19/02/2012 14:50

Well if your old fashioned, then so I am!

I wouldnt let my teen sleep in the same bed as the opposite sex. I've been a teenager myself a long, long time ago but I know how easy it is to get carried away and make the wrong decision, not just about sex but other things as well and I remember when being a teen, made me feel a bit grown up.

I think your right, say no and stick to your guns.

I'm curious though to know if the girls parents think this is ok and if I were you I'd be asking them.

SecretSquirrels · 19/02/2012 15:44

I have allowed DS1s girlfriend to stay over but strictly separate bedrooms.

schoolchauffeur · 19/02/2012 17:56

Definitely NOT in same bed at this age, but separate bedrooms with "the rules" made very clear!!
I think some parents still have a bit of an idyllic view of what their young teenagers are up to- maybe they just think they are mates and that at 13 they won't be thinking of doing anything. Someone I know recently said to me in all seriousness about her 15 year old DD and boyfriend that "obviously since they were underage they wouldn't be up to anything much..."

BackforGood · 20/02/2012 00:16

Can I join the old fashioned club too please ? I'd call it the 'sensible parenting' club though. Of course that's not appropriate.

OlympicEater · 20/02/2012 09:29

Yes another old gimmer here. Separate rooms for sure.

There does seem to be a trend for mixed sleepovers nowadays, but more in a big group. I'd still be insisting on separate rooms and patrolling the landing all night

Ineedacleaneriamalazyslattern · 20/02/2012 09:34

Another old fashioned on here.
I had a boyfriend at 14 until I was 16. We did stay at each others houses but strictly separate rooms.

marriednotdead · 20/02/2012 09:36

We are living with the consequences of two 13 year olds who managed to sleep together somewhere. He's 7 months old now. Gorgeous but way too early.

mumeeee · 20/02/2012 11:40

Another old fashioned person here. No way would I let 13 year olds share a bed. . If she does stay over at his then it needs to be in separate rooms and even then I'd be wary.

Eaglewings · 20/02/2012 11:58

No way would I allow this

BendyBob · 20/02/2012 12:02

No way, absolutely not.

DurhamDurham · 20/02/2012 12:08

If you were to say yes at 13 when would you start to say no? Best just say no from the start. I have a 14 years old dd who has lots of sleepovers, usually with girls, if boys stay then they are in another room (right next door to mine!) however she has never asked to have a boyfriend to stay, just friends who are boys if you see what I mean. My 18 year old dd stays at her boyfriends at least two nights a week as he shares a house with some friends.It's taken a bit of getting used to but at 18 I can hardly tell her not to.I would not allow them to sleep together in our house though as I don't think dh could cope with that. I think he likes to convince himself that she must sleep on the sofa when she's at her boyfriend's house!

GnomeDePlume · 20/02/2012 17:26

For me sleeping together (and I do mean sleeping not sex) is a huge step in a relationship and not one to be taken lightly. It sets so many precedents for both parties. It is such a public thing to do - the school fellows of both will get to know. There will be the assumption that they are having sex whether they are or not. What happens if/when this relationship breaks up, will there be an assumption by others that the next relationship will also get to this point?

They are not grown-ups and this is one of those times when you have to be the grown-up even if that means not being popular.

planetpotty · 20/02/2012 17:35

that they asked you!

I'm not old fashioned at all and think you made exactly the right decision

Surely anyone who did agree to this could not be shocked if a pregnancy was the result? Still they thought it was ok to ask. Separate rooms with zero sneaking at 3am maybe.

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