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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Teenage sex

19 replies

wizzbangwallop · 05/02/2012 17:51

My 15yr old daughter has just told me that she has had an implant as she is having sex with her boyfriend. Whilst I am pleased that she is being sensible I am also slightly shocked at how young she is! Surely it is too young?

OP posts:
GnomeDePlume · 05/02/2012 17:53

How old is her boyfriend?

Original poster
wizzbangwallop · 05/02/2012 17:54

He is a couple of months older

OP posts:
CoolRunnings · 05/02/2012 18:00

How long have they been together? I lost my virginity at 15 but I was with him for three years in the end.

GnomeDePlume · 05/02/2012 18:17

IMO it is too young but now I dont think that there is a lot you can do to stop it now that it has started.

Can you talk with your DD about where this is happening? IMO at his home or yours is okay but out and about leaves them both vulnerable. If in your home or his talk to her about courtesy for household (eg doors shut, not embarassing parents or siblings).

Try to keep the lines of communication open. Try to talk about what is good and bad in a relationship. A little while ago I got my DD1 (16) to read this as she has recently started her first serious relationship.

talk and talk and talk

Original poster
wizzbangwallop · 05/02/2012 18:35

They have been together for about five months. He is a nice lad and treats her well. I sort of feel as though I don't know her so well as though she has grown up without my permission. Although it shouldn't be about how I feel should it?

OP posts:
Original poster
wizzbangwallop · 05/02/2012 18:38

She will be sixteen next month btw which I know is legal but still seems too young. Have I been a bad parent?

OP posts:
MsCorleone · 05/02/2012 18:43

I think you're a great parent! You've brought up your daughter to be mature and sensible. She has not only sorted out contraception but she has told you about it.

MyLittleMiracle · 05/02/2012 18:45

You have been an amazing parent as she obviously felt she could come to you and tell you. She had no reason to have to. The implant doesnt show so you wouldnt necessarily know unless she told you! you therefore must be a FANTASTIC mother. At least they are being sensible, and unfortuantely they do grow up so fast these days. At least she isnt going behind your back about it either, though i do try to understand.... your baby has grown up now....and it hurts....i felt like that when my little one started walking and feeding himself! Mum is no longer needed, BUT YOU ARE! Obviously she feels a need to talk to you. Parents are needed for life. Its the only true life sentence there is...you never get rid of them! Grin

Original poster
wizzbangwallop · 05/02/2012 19:28

Thanks guys. It's great to be able to talk on here as I don't feel I can tell anyone else for her sake as well as mine. Why are they in such a hurry to grow up? I feel that starting to have a sex life is a big thing but it just seems too relaxed now....

OP posts:
Denj33 · 05/02/2012 19:32

You should be pleased your 15yo DD is open with you and happy to discuss sex and keeping safe etc with you, IMO it seems like you have done a good job making her feel comfortable about telling you. Might be a good idea to discuss STIs tho, implant obviously doesn't protect from these.

GnomeDePlume · 05/02/2012 19:40

I second all those who say you have been a great parent. She told you and that is important - she didnt have to. She has behaved sensibly by making sure that she is using contraception. In a year's time you will be worrying about driving lessons!

Chubfuddler · 05/02/2012 19:45

I started having sex with my first boyfriend at the sand age as your daughter and we had been together for a year. I loved him very much and have no regrets. Better at 15 with someone who cares for and respects you than a one might stand at 18 with some random (which has happened to many a mner, there was a thread about it a whole ago).

Chubfuddler · 05/02/2012 19:47

My only concern actually is that they are apparently not using barrier contraception and she could be vulnerable to stds as a result. I would raise that with her, and the long term damage done by "minor" stds like chlamydia.

uruculager · 06/02/2012 04:24

WHO figures put the proportion of sexually active 15 year old girls in the UK at 40%. In that group (girls who were sexually active at 15) the average age at first intercourse was 14 or younger. This doesn't include everything "up to" full penetrative sex.

I personally think 15 is too young and I know it's probably not much consolation, but for someone at that age to be sexually active is not particularly unusual. If she's only just started your DD might very well be the average.

www.hbsc.org/countries/downloads_countries/Wales/BR3_sexualHealth.pdf

Original poster
wizzbangwallop · 06/02/2012 07:46

Yes I have had the conversation about condoms and she assures me she is, so fingers crossed on that one! Thank you.x.

OP posts:
hellhasnofury · 06/02/2012 07:55

Of course you haven't been a bad parent. It is great that she could confide in you, you now know that if she needs help she'll come to you. My DD was almost 18 when she started but I still felt like you do, that she was too young and that I'd let her down in some way (which was a daft way to feel). Your feelings are entirely normal. It's tough letting them grow up, it really is.

Original poster
wizzbangwallop · 08/02/2012 06:35

Thank you :)

OP posts:
MissyNatalie · 08/02/2012 18:13

Tbh my thought was "I wish any future dd I had would be that wise to get the implant and feel so comfortable in talking to me"
You've done really well! Sounds like you've brought up a really level-headed girl!
Teenagers just want to grow up really fast, I was same and now I am "grown up" I wish I was a teenager again!
I also lost my virginity at 15 with a lad I was sooo in love with and was together with for about 18 months in the end.
Glad to hear you've had the condom talk too!

sincitylover · 08/02/2012 22:00

TBH I don't think its anything to do with now - I am middle aged and started having sex when I was 16 - also went and got contraception sorted out as well.

Difference was I couldn't tell my mother as she told me all men wanted to marry virgins Sad

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