bored bored bored of teen behaviour

[RavenVonChaos]

Help I am so fed up with continually bailing out my dd (17).

Failed all GCSE's and now is still not allowed to do GCSE maths due to poor marks in FSQM. I am embarrassed to keep ringing up the college to beg them to give her another chance blah blah blah.

She has no job and makes no effort to find one.

Is rude and unhelpful around the house. Moans about everything, sooo negative.

I am not even angry anymore just bored and resigned to the fact that she has no motivation and not the slightest inclination to really push herself to achieve.

Any tips for surviving until she buggers off?

I am with you My ds is a pita but is at college. I am at my wits end so will watch with interest as nothing I have tried so far has worked!

Thanks Noddy - its really getting me down. I seem to put in 100% effort and she barely gives 10%.

SHe has just been chucked by her boyfriend so I do sympathise but COME ON!

She is a total pita.

Don't know wether to just withdraw silently and let her get on with it. I am sick of battling on her behalf while she swans around doing sweet FA!

I too have battled with teachers etc for ds have given up now as I got no thanks and now he blames me for everything! He gives 0 and I am always giving. I am so let down as I put a lot in to all his educational needs/demands and he is just not the boy I knew

Much sympathy that must be awful.

She's "swanning around" presumably financed by you, so maybe one thing to do is say you'll feed and house her but she needs to find a source of income to finance clubbing/ pubbing/ mobile etc. Go flip burgers for a while ill she realises that you earn more, in a more interesting way if you have some qualifications maybe?

if only i could have a burger flipper! that would be a step up

my son has two diplomas now - from courses i have poured him into.

now hes aimless.

i toldd him i want some money - job centre plus can mold him into shape - he thinks hes so above the job centre he detests going. so they can pour him / kajole him / threaten him. I'm not working all fucking day to fill in his application forms

i decided i am enabling his lazy arse by 'helping' so i';m not any more

I applaud you custy I have been queen fucking form filler too and I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!!!!!!!!

Yes, I too have succumbed to the form filling/job hunting/cv updating. Guess I am just an enabler.

I have not really spoken to DD since she got home as I did not actually sit down until 8.45 as doing jobs. So I was just sitting down with a cuppa to watch embarrassing bodies and she comes in and wants to start telling my "how shite everything is, and how shite everybody is". I didn't really engage so she stormed out as I wasn't paying her enough attention. Yada yada yada. I am BORED of hearing it all.

That sounds awful, but true. I am actually bored of her negativity and lack of direction and her inability to execute the most basic task. I have two other much younger dc's and need to ensure that they get the attention they deserve.

Shall I sit down with her and tell her the truth about how I feel?

yes thats an idea, but i think you have to be careful how you couch it. lots of 'i love yous' and positives, ask her what her plans are - structure the conversation so she makes her own ideas for the future.

my teens react really well to supporting me. so if you want to be a little manipulative in getting a connection and getting yourselves on an even keel a day or so before the above conversation - try asking her for a hug as you've had a 'shitty' day. helps to humanise you and remind them that they really aren't the only person in the universe

oh and my ds went for a jobcentre plus interview yesterday and has to go back, it really is a horrible place, lots of desperate people. i'm sure he will do anything not to go there. plus they can be the monkey on his back that i have opted out of being.

he then went to connections and got them to help him fill in an application for an apprenticeship

huzzah!

mary, I understand the rock/hard place situation you are in

but I have to say you should be charging him some keep

it is going to bite you on the arse if you don't < sympathies and empathies >

if he stops going, then he won't have any money at all will he, so maybe he will threaten but then think better of it

No, it's not pathetic, it is far from that

And it is better this way than him sleeping rough, of course it is. What will change when he is 18 though ? You will still be scared to ask him to contribute to his own living expenses. It isn't teaching him how to live in a grown up world, this way (I know you know this)

I can see why you are paralysed though. You know you have my utmost sympathy .

You do realise that you will not be able to justify charging your other dc keep too, don't you ?

Unless they are spectacularly Mother Theresa-like, I could understand them kicking off when he is given special dispensation to sponge off his parents and they are not (in teenager-speak)

or will their cut-off be 18 too ?

I think you are doing a marvellous job

I hear your frustration but there is hope. Sometimes you have to keep leading the horse to water for it to drink even if it refuses lots of times. I would pay privately for her to resit the exams she failed or the ones she wants to carry one with. Pm me if you want to know how to put them down for the exams. Kids dont realise that today more than before they need qualifications to get jobs.

sorry for hijack, raven

you have my utmost sympathy

< proud(ish) owner of nearly 16yo who is doing her best to fuck up her GCSE year >