16 yo boy, about to start college - new rules?

[ThreeStepSons]

Hi all

Hope you might be able to help :-)

Our 16 year old boy is about to start VIth form college, and we don't yet know his timetable. School won't be a 9-3 affair, and we have a few dilemmas.

Firstly, he is pretty much surgically attached to his XBox, and has obviously enjoyed it a lot over the summer hols. School begins on Tuesday, so I think we should re-introduce the curfew tomorrow (Sunday) night. I thnk 10pm, on the basis that he does tend to procrastinate, so it'll be 10.30 before he actually hits the sack. OH disagrees & thinks 11pm. Call me daft, but I have to be in bed by about 10pm to be able to get up & function properly the next day, although my OH is more of a night owl..

I believe in a bit of structure, but what is reasonable?

Then there is the issue of homework. His last school had very little, so he's not used to it. I thnk we need to 'police' it a bit to make sure he stays on top.. Maybe he'll use free periods? Who knows, but it's playing on my mind a bit.

Also, he has to catch the train to college. We have paid £800 for the yearly season ticket & the station is about a mile away. He can get there himself, but he is a bit of a lazy thing & I'm worried that he won't bother if we don't make it easy for him. I don't know whether I'm horrible for not fetching & carrying him, but I work, so I can't be available all the time...

Testing times, after a chilled summer break.... :-s

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Lindsay

Not there yet as ds1 is only 14 but he doesn't have xbox during the week at all during term times, just at weekends and then only once he's done his homework - he agreed to this as he knows that he finds it difficult to regulate himself

As far as walking a mile to the station is concerned, ds has been doing this since he was 10! And I often think we mollycoddle him far too much compared to some of his friends. Walking a mile there and back won't kill him, and if he's too lazy to do it himself then he's not going to have the self-motivation to succeed at college ...

you might find the xbox attachment eases somewhat when he discovers partying and going out with friends. I would be reluctant to impose xbox bans, he is 16 and therefore needs to learn to take responsibility for his own life and actions. I'd be more inclined to agree times with your son and suggest rather than impose.

You also need to be tough on his attendance, presumably school will be. If the mile is a huge problem perhaps a bike would be a good solution.

When our DD's were 16 and going into 6th form. We let them choose their own bedtimes and they were responsible for getting them self to school or college. The only thing we did was set the Internet to go off at midnight. We reckoned they were old enough to be responsible for themselves. Mind you it didn't stop me worrying if they got up late.

Sort of agree with Mumeeee that he should be able to sort himself out, however I totally agree internet off at midnight and at least pointing in the direction of bed at 11pm.

1 mile walk isn't a great issue and if he's a real X box junkie the exercise will be good for him.

If he were mine I'd kind of like to have a chat in terms of this is what you need to do in order to succeed at college- and it is your "job" ie sleep well, get yourself there on time, do the work and the home work to the best of your abilities and to the deadlines set, then socialise/Xbox/part time job as you feel is important to you.

HOWEVER if he hasn't been an independent learner and has always been cosseted at school constantly reminded re deadlines etc, perhaps now isn't the time to let him go completely unsupported- in some ways the start if sixth form is a good time to try and find you aren't actually sufficiently on the ball as there is recovery time BUT also if he never gets properly into the swing of it he could just drop out by Xmas....

I have similar problems with DS starting college. The bus leaves from the village but at 10 past 8, whereas I used to take him to school (5 mins away) so he had longer to get moving in the morning. He has had sleep problems and although we have moved his body clock a bit, it has been creeping forward again, he was still up at 3am this mornning. I am hoping the shock of how much work he is expected to do will sort him out - his brother got behind at this stage and never really caught up, January exams come round v quickly.

btw how do you turn the internet off at a certain time? I've thought of a timerswitch on the plug, but he can unplug that (I'm asleep well before midnight), which I think is a reasonable time for him.

Hiya

Will ask the OH how to turn the Internet off, but he does something on his phone. Can take the IP address of my iPhone & iPad, plus eldest son's phone & laptop, so they can all still use the Internet after curfew. All very clever.

Approached the bedtime thing actually with DS3, after explaining his usual procrastination, etc. Also spoke about "when are you going to do your homework", etc. Thought if I got him to talk rationally with me, rather than me 'telling' him it would encourage maturity..

He suggested 10.30pm, and said homework will be done in free periods & straight away when he gets home, and I said I will be looking through his work which apparently is ok!

Well tonight is the first school night, and he was still faffing about at 11.15pm, despite several warnings. Got I hate this bit of parenting! We will see what happens after today, as we said we'd take him to the station tomorrow morning & make sure he knows the right train etc.

He has been rather cosseted, and isn't really any trouble - he doesn't go out of evenings, etc, so has never really hit many boundaries, which just makes for a hard time when there are some I feel. Oh well, only another 2 years then he'll be off to Uni!

Theas18 - am TERRIFIED that he will be very shocked by College. Although it's a college, it's a VI form one, and his old school was dreadful (IMO - I had nothing to do with choosing it). Am terrified that he'll baulk at the new challenge, despite being up to it if he applies himself & will drop out at Christmas....