13 yr old daughter, 14 yr old boyfriend

[shaz15]

Hi all

just joined mums net so hello to all

I have a 13 year old who is going with a 14 year old lad, they are going together about 6 months, and he is a nice lad we have met him and seems nice, my question is I have spken to her about conception and she has done the usual embarrassed teenager thing, but should i consider putting her on the pill or not, I dont think they are at the stage of sex but what age is the right age for contraception?? I know they are both young but would rather be responsible than think they will obey the law >>>

I think the main thing is to drill home the message that underage sex is a bad idea, has emotional consequences etc, and give them fairly tight supervision. Also though, you need to make sure she knows where to go for contraceptive advice if necessary. Call the school nurse and have a chat so you know. And then spend a lot of time encouraging her to imagine the possibilities of her life and her future which don't rely on boyfriends and having babies young.

I honestly wouldn't consider putting my DD on the pill at that age, unless it was for a period related thing.
Why do you assume they are going to have sex? They are really young, but I am old and probably out of touch.

Ditto LeBOF

Only you can know whether she needs to go on the pill or not but she is so young . Talk to her but more importantly listen. You could set up a note book exchange if either of you want to say something to the other but can't quite do it. Kids seem to be allowed to grow up so much quicker these days.

Most 13/14 yos are not actually having sex, specially if this is their first relationship. If you "put her on the pill" it is more likely to push her towards having sex because she'll think everyone expects them to so she might as well.

If you can, have a calm conversation with her about how you can see she's getting older and starting relationships, and that at some point in the future she's likely to want to go further. And that when she does, she will need to make sure she thinks about the consequences, like STDs and contraception. Let her know you're happy to discuss this with ehr, now or later, and that there's schol nurses and websites and advice lines and all sorts of places she can get advice.

Our local family planning clinic has a drop-in option for teens and early 20s in the afternoon, so its easy for them to pop in and get advice without having to make an appointment or see the family GP. That can be less intimidating if she does want to talk about her options.

I don't think going on the pill would 'push her towards having sex', I just don't think it is necessary. Make sure you can talk to her, tell her she should ask someone for help with contraception when she decides to have sex, make it clear that you won't freak out if she comes to you but that you are equally happy for her to keep it private and go to the school nurse/a doctor/the sexuyal health clinic.
I don't think there is anything wrong with saying you would prefer it/you think it would be better if she waited, as long as you don't do it in a way that makes her reluctant to talk to you or ask you for help if she needs it.

personally i would avoid the pill, find out where contraceptive advice is available locally, eg does school have a drop in clinic? leave a few condoms in a bathroom drawer but above all talk to her... make sure she is happy and secure in any decision she makes, yes she is young but that does not mean you can assume that she isn't sexually active or thinking about it. embarrassing as it is you need to talk to her about how she feels and how she will feel about saying no until she is ready. remind her its illegal etc but encourage her to talk.