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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Teenagers and Lap tops- Do you know what they are doing on there vs Privacy

21 replies

cyb · 02/08/2011 17:43

Do you check their browser history? The type of pics/videos they are making?

How do you do all this without major rows. I'm thinking we have let things go on for too long without checking

OP posts:

Original poster

cyb · 02/08/2011 17:46

FWIW my D has deleted all her browser history..but not her Recycle bin

OP posts:

DarlaDoll · 02/08/2011 18:31

Depends, how old are they?

My daughter got her first laptop at 16- and I've never felt the need to check it.

lovemyboysandbeagles · 02/08/2011 18:33

I don't check browser hsitory but I do have Norton Family (or something like that) that has parental restrictions & tells me if my DS has gone on a site that is blocked, so I sort of have a record of anything he goes on that may be 'dodgy'.

He moaned a bit at first but the choice was simple, have Norton on it or only use the laptop when in a room with us.

I also do check his FB account. I was speaking to a parent at school a awhile ago (of a 12 yr old girl) who was horrified that I checked on DS on FB and mobile as though I didn't trust him, to which I explained it is other people I don't trust, I trust my son but in the end boys will be boys and they don't always know the dangers.

He can't send picture messages either as not in his contract and it comes up on bill so I know!

Original poster

cyb · 02/08/2011 18:39

Lovemyboys - I think thats the line I have to take with her- she has to use it in a downstairs room- we used to have that rule and it seems to have lapsed

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roisin · 02/08/2011 18:50

ds1 got his laptop at 13. I check the browser history fairly regularly - maybe a couple of times a month - just a quick flick.

I've never come across anything unpleasant: he's generally very sensible.

But he also isn't allowed it in his room - so uses it either in the study, the lounge, or most often at my desk in my room. These are all shared rooms, so it's not possible for him to be "private" with it.

These safeguards are very much part of the deal of him being allowed to have a laptop. He's never protested.

lovemyboysandbeagles · 02/08/2011 19:55

Generally speaking my DS uses it when we are around anyway, without even being told to, the exception being when he is doing homework in his room and I do go in and out to check he is doing homework.

If when you need to renew your anti-virus you can get the Norton withe the family protection, it is very good IMO and picks up everything not allowed - even websites that are uncategorized (eg scaletrix) and then gives the user the opportunity to explain what they are aswell as being abl eto block certain sites completely and it recommedns settings dependant on age.

It also alerts you if they try to set up a social networking account.

Maryz · 02/08/2011 21:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Phoenix17 · 03/08/2011 00:39

I have just had the worrying experience of discovering that ds aged 15 has been viewing porn on his itouch!! I feel really stupid having always advocated no computers in bedrooms etc letting him have an i touch with wifi access - is there any way to restrict what is allowed similar to parental controls but through the wifi???????
OK a lot teenage boys do this to some extent and he is generally a sensible boy, bright and very sporty I am wondering how to approach it with him.. any ideas

roisin · 03/08/2011 04:32

I also check their facebook regularly: what they're posting, what their mates are posting, what they're posting in messages and chat.

They are both very sensible boys, but I know problems can occur in these media and I like to keep a close eye on things.

lovemyboysandbeagles · 03/08/2011 07:48

OMG Phoenix - I hadn't thought about the i-pod!! What a muppet! I'm not sure about the restrictions on that, or even how to check the browser history, I'm a bit of a techno-phobe if I'm honest on anything but my laptop (PS3, Wii etc - I haven't a clue!!).

I check from a bullying point of view too, not just what he has been looking at. You hear so much about cyber-bullying and I would like to think we have a good enough relationship that he would tell either me or DH if anything was happening, but you just never know.

Phoenix17 · 03/08/2011 08:22

To check browser history on ipod click on sarfari then the little book symbol - I only found out by accident when I borrowed his Itouch to do a search.
I have had ideas on how to limit use of internet.. depends on how draconian you want to be!!
a) turn off wifi especially in evening or b) change the wep key and keep it to devices you can control. i am thinking that b) might be better in our house. I tried using safari safe search but it didn't seem to block much - on my phone anyway.
I have always checked his phone and fb but like you lovemyboys, feel an idiot for not checking the ipod touch before now
Ds is away at the moment so any ideas on how to approach him welcome -generally have fairly good relationship with him.

lovemyboysandbeagles · 03/08/2011 08:31

I would maybe go down the route of it not being him you don't trust but other people, that is what I did, but then again we set the ground rules before he was allowed on anything. I know all the usernames / passwords for FB, e-mail, phone etc and agreed right at the beginning that whilst in our house I could check any time, to protect him from people he may not realise are bad not to 'spy' on him as such.

No so sure with the porn aspect though?? I just let the Norton do the job on that one as it won;t allow him on any pron sites, unless he is on the i-pod of course (hmm)

Phoenix17 · 03/08/2011 10:18

Thanks lovemyboys, definately should have done the passwords bit earlier on..will do it for ds2.
I am going to try to do the 'you're growing up, be critical about what you access' & hopefully without being too heavy handed let him know curiosity is normal but the internet is place where you can access both the best and worst of life' I am hoping that just knowing that we know what he has looked at will be enough deterrant and take it from there!

lovemyboysandbeagles · 03/08/2011 11:30

Just seen all my spelling mistakes - shocking!! I was rushing to get DS1 to holiday club :)

Just checked the i-pod and hardly any internet access on it, which is what I suspected.

Good luck cyb & Phoenix

Lilka · 03/08/2011 14:34

Yes, I do check DD2's history - I have controls on which don't allow her to delete it. I also have site blocks etc. She is not allowed a laptop, but uses the main computer. Her facebook is set up with my email, so I get notified of nearly everything she does on there. She is 15, however she is very emotionally delayed and vulnerable. Were she an ordinary 15 year old, I would allow her a great deal more privacy, although I think I would still scan her history once in a while just in case

lovemyboysandbeagles · 03/08/2011 16:54

Lilka - how do you set it so the history can't be deleted?

usualsuspect · 03/08/2011 17:00

No, I have never checked my DSs laptop history

mumeeee · 03/08/2011 22:10

None of my children had Lap tops before they were 16 amd doing A levels,my 19 year old still doesn't have one, She hasn't got one yet as she is the only one still left at home and has a lot of access to the main computer, I've never checked laptop history, Also the rule was that before the age of 16 they had to use the family computer which was downstairs and DH and I would often pop in and out of the room, We have never checked any history but did have parental contro;s on the computer when they were younger

circular · 04/08/2011 10:09

DD nearly 14. Only recently got her first laptop, which was on condition of me having her facebook password. I log onto it ocassionally, more to check she has not changed it than anything else. Also have her e-mail password.

Never checked her history, but as I am far more computer literate than she is, I think she is very wary on what she would do on any computer in the house.

There has to be some trust there. She also has my Amazon password on the understanding than she can download free kindle book samples, but not go ordering things on my account.

BusyBodd · 06/08/2011 09:48

The thing with the pron thing is that if 15yo boys want to get access to it they will, either on the internet or through a lads mag or a topshelf one. I worked on the basis that my son (18yo) would have look at some point and then would grow up.

BTW this isn't me being happy about pron, I'm a feminist and object strongly to it, and I have talked about it with him, but I'm realistic about what boys will get up to.

naphillgirl · 06/08/2011 20:29

If they use MSN there is a check box to tick to keep messages which I did when my daughter first got her lap top at the age of 11 (only got it as it was part of a deal with Orange). I was glad I did as I found out a boy in her class had been cyber bullying her and by keeping the conversations could print it out and give it to the school to follow up.

She is 14 now and I still know her passwords to everything and sometimes go to check her FB, just to see what others are saying, but do trust her.

As circular has said, trust goes both ways, my daughter knows all my passwords and sets me up on things she wants to do but has to be over 18. At least she always lets me know before I start receiving funny emails.

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