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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

What punishment is suitable for a 13 year old using bad language to parents?

19 replies

pomegranate1975 · 23/07/2011 08:51

My 13 year old has told me to "get lost" a few times and also said "shhh up". He has also told my husband to "get stuffed".

If you child said that to you, what punishment would u give him?

OP posts:
rainbowinthesky · 23/07/2011 09:05

In the past we have withdrawn things from him such as xbox, phone etc for a certain period of time. Tbh it didnt make much difference other than punish him. Thank god he eventually grew out of it.

Danthe4th · 23/07/2011 09:08

Don't rise to it, it's not worth the argument. It could be a lot worse than 'get stuffed'. I would ignore it as rainbow says, they grow out of it.

HoneyPablo · 23/07/2011 09:09

You need to find their Achiles heel. The one thing that will really hit them. With DD it is stopping her pocket money as grounding has no effect.
With DS it was taking away his ps controllers. I left him the console and the games, but he couldn't play it as I had the controllers. He is now 22 and he says that was the cruellest thing I ever did to him. It worked though.

rainbowinthesky · 23/07/2011 09:10

Yes, we've taken away controllers too.

themildmanneredjanitor · 23/07/2011 09:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

elmofan · 23/07/2011 09:27

Going through the same thing with my 12yr old ds
So i'll lurk for some ideas.

SecretSquirrels · 23/07/2011 14:38

I agree it could be worse.
I think it's a toe in the water to see how much you will tolerate.
I never had rudeness or back chat from DS1 but once or twice DS2 (13) has answered back or made some smart remark. He never normally puts a foot wrong so I seldom need to punish or shout. I responded with a very forceful "how dare you speak to me like that?" which took him quite by surprise and stopped him in his tracks.

AMumInScotland · 23/07/2011 15:16

I wouldn't punish so much as withdraw any "favours" - so if he relies on lifts to get places, or for you to fund things or be otherwise "helpful", then you "don't do those things for people who are rude to me" - that is a good way of showing the results of rudeness in society in general - if you are rude to people you get poor service in return. Politeness gets you places.

mumeeee · 23/07/2011 16:10

Thar is normal behaviour for a teenager. Just ignore it. There will be a lot more bigger issues in the teenage years so pick your battles.

Themumsnot · 23/07/2011 16:39

I go with "How very rude" and a hard stare.

exoticfruits · 23/07/2011 16:53

I don't think that you need a punishment-just make it clear that you are not having it-as with Themumsnot. If you are polite to her. at all times, she will get the message.

cory · 23/07/2011 19:03

I would look at him quizzically and say very gently "I think you want to rephrase that". Ds did test the waters last year (aged 10) but was quickly reminded that a) we don't use bad language in this house and b) we did notice.

Sometimes I think big punishments can make it seem as if you are afraid of losing control: I want my dcs to think that I have no fear of this.

IloveJudgeJudy · 23/07/2011 23:01

I wouldn't punish it, but I wouldn't let it go, either. I'd tell them they shouldn't be talking to anyone like that, and particularly not an adult, and especially not a parent. I probably wouldn't say "how dare you" for the, ime, quite mild language in the OP, but I have said it for much stronger language.

Original poster
pomegranate1975 · 24/07/2011 02:48

amuminscotland, i like your thinking. It sounds good, I will get him to walk to and from school himself without any lifts from me at least for a few days or week until i see some remorse from him.
I feel so dissapointed with him speaking like that to us. Just breaks my heart.

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 24/07/2011 07:27

I think that you are over reacting a bit with 'breaks my heart'-he is trying it on-something that all teenagers do, and will continue to do if you let them get away with it. All you need to do is cory's reaction and move on.

BluddyMoFo · 24/07/2011 07:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cat64 · 24/07/2011 20:13

This reply has been deleted

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jellybeans · 24/07/2011 20:15

I do same as muminScotland:
'I wouldn't punish so much as withdraw any "favours" - so if he relies on lifts to get places, or for you to fund things or be otherwise "helpful", then you "don't do those things for people who are rude to me" - that is a good way of showing the results of rudeness in society in general - if you are rude to people you get poor service in return. Politeness gets you places.'

woollyideas · 25/07/2011 09:45

Pomegranate - no lifts for days or even a week sounds like an OTT punishment to me. And as for waiting to 'see remorse'... Really?

Don't do him any favours/be overly helpful for the rest of the day maybe, but a week?

As others have said, it would be wise to pick your battles - your DS is hormonal and pushing his boundaries and although it's annoying to be spoken to like that it's not worth turning it into a major issue. I agree with themumsnot. 'Don't speak to me like that. It's vair, vair rude...' (said in a neutral tone, but coupled with the death stare) usually works with my 14 yo.

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