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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Boys and tits and the internet

25 replies

webbywonder · 21/06/2011 15:25

Do they ever stop trying to look at rude stuff? 13 year old. We realised a new smartphone had meant the 18 plus settings had lapsed - so we take it away then we find tit kind of videos on youtube on another pc the day he gete the phone back!

Are we just trying to stop the tide? He is sorry, he knows its wrong but he cannot resist it!

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Original poster
webbywonder · 21/06/2011 15:25

Do girls look up rude stuff too? PLEASE say they do

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Original poster
webbywonder · 21/06/2011 15:26

..and the annoying/aggravating thing is that his tounger sibling can see the opening page of what he watched ( women large tits low cut tops)

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Original poster
webbywonder · 21/06/2011 15:30

Anyone?

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wimpybar · 21/06/2011 15:32

why do you let him have the phone then?

Original poster
webbywonder · 21/06/2011 15:33

well the phone was ok when we set up the settings right and that was our fault that we forgot to change them.
But my point is that he seems to search it out everywhere.... rampant hormones?

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dexter73 · 21/06/2011 15:44

My dd (14) says that loads of the boys at her school have pictures on their phones and swop them. I don't think girls tend to look up porn. My dd has said that when some of her (boy) friends have shown her stuff it has made her close her eyes!

mumsamilitant · 21/06/2011 16:03

Well when mine was 12 I was in his room cleaning one day and noticed a few drawing pins out of the bottom of his pokemon poster... lifted it up and low and behold there were cut outs of models from Bravisimo suppliement! lol..... yep, going to be a boob man no doubt! Have to admit I think this is all very very normal.

Remember being in marks and sparks once with son, a friend and her daughter to get her first bra. At the time my boy's favourite colour was pink, all his mates were girls and he seemed a little feminine. Well we were all in the lingerie dept. Son tugged my arm, I bent down and he whispered in my ear "Mum, can we get out of here", I replied "Why, whats the matter", he said "My willy has gone all pointy and hard"! Well!

Dont worry, its all very very normal!

anniewindsor · 21/06/2011 16:05

Try having two energetic gay sons who have pretty much seen it at this stage! I gave up trying to discourage porn because they'll find it anyway. Provided they can understand reality vs fantasy and understand the risks that's probably all you can do. Better that then telling them they'll go blind!

mumsamilitant · 21/06/2011 16:19

By the way Annie, I wasnt being anti-gay with my story! I woulnt care what gender he preferred as long as he's happy......

DirtyMartini · 21/06/2011 16:26

I don't have teenagers yet or anywhere near, but I think girls probably do look up stuff (even if they protest a total lack of interest). I'm sure I would have, & yet I have grown up relatively normal.

I was fascinated by the stash of mags I accidentally discovered in my cousin's room when I was younger. Other female friends have reported similar finds and similar curiosity/fascination; that curiosity in itself is no big deal, IMO.

Obv 20-year-old mags were very dull stuff compared to what is online now though - I would worry a lot more about the stuff they can see now. God knows what it will be like when mine are approaching that age

anniewindsor · 21/06/2011 16:28

It wasn't taken like that! Just so happens that my two are gay. DS1 had a fine collection of men in underwear adverts under his bed when he was 13. They would both be described as "straight acting" and play a lot of sport - rugby and cricket particularly. It's just that their willys go all pointy with other boys!

marycorporate · 21/06/2011 17:21

Okay.. I'm going to be really harsh... and I havent read the othe rreplies.

Do you use the word 'tits' in front of your son? Only you haven't mentioned why you are trying to stop him looking at porn online...

I would prefer my son not to watch porn because it is degrading to women and perpetuates a beleif that they should expect women to look and behave the way they do online in real life. I find it troubling that my DDs are going to school with a group of young men who are conditioned to expect this.

But with respect, using the word 'tits' doesnt excatly evoke a sense of respect for women does it? Maybe if you change your attitude and teach your son respect for women then he would be turned off, rather than turned on, by this.

It is 'normal' yes, but it shouldn't be. I'm sure he's perfectly capable of getting himself off without looking at porn.

Original poster
webbywonder · 21/06/2011 17:22

Thanks all for the reassurance. 13 seems so young. I am sure curiosity is the name of the game but it seems everywhere and ..well you know

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Original poster
webbywonder · 21/06/2011 17:23

( and snigger at the Bravissimo - hardly big any of them!)

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DirtyMartini · 21/06/2011 17:42

"Maybe if you change your attitude and teach your son respect for women then he would be turned off, rather than turned on, by this."

I think that is missing the point rather, marycorporate. OK, "tits" is not respectful language; but teenagers won't stop being curious/aroused by the notion of seeking out "forbidden" sexual imagery simply because their parents are not sexist.

Young boys (or girls) and their burgeoning sexual urges are not the problem. Tackling the situation by trying to make them not have those urges strikes me as fighting the wrong battle.

The actual problem is the insanely pervasive presence and easy availability of porn and porn-related imagery in everyday life, even to kids; that's what "shouldn't be" normal, but is.

Original poster
webbywonder · 21/06/2011 17:44

I'm not going to get into a row here Wink
Yes, i have no problem, with him being a sexual being at all - just seems early and he seems to be rooting it out Wink at every turn

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ilovedora27 · 21/06/2011 17:47

All girls and boys look at porn at school, and would be lying if they said they didnt. Its no big deal and girls just underplay it ime.

Original poster
webbywonder · 21/06/2011 17:48

i don't like porn much either - at least any adult male can HIDE it..

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ilovedora27 · 21/06/2011 17:49

dexter thats the kind of thing I used to tell my mum about stuff at school, she is obviously not going to tell you the truth lol!!

Original poster
webbywonder · 21/06/2011 17:51

Pre internet it was dirty mags wasnt it - or on a much lower scale Page 3.
Now people are rutting like animals everywhere Wink

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mumsamilitant · 21/06/2011 19:55

Oh dear! Im an advocate of women power believe me, but the word tits is really not a crime! my son says tits and a far lot more..... so what! lol..... And as a kid me and a friend (s) used to nick my dads dirty mags from his hiding place and have a tit...er about them!!! as stated before... Think its all very very normal stuff and the girls are the ones that need to find their place and stop thinking theyre bad boys at the moment!

dexter73 · 22/06/2011 07:51

I know she has looked at it as she has told me. It is the more the stuff like a man putting a broken bottle up his bum that she finds horrible.

MumblingRagDoll · 22/06/2011 08:00

It's natural but if I were you I would talk to him abou the affects of these models and the way theyre portrayed on young women.

It's important to take responsibility for your sons image of women.

marycorporate · 22/06/2011 10:53

what mumblingragdoll said.

Something like 80% of women in the sex industry were abused as children or young women. Some would argue they are continuing to be. There's a documentry called 'hardcore' which I hope would put off the most avid of teenage porn fans.

WillIEverBeASizeTen · 09/07/2011 14:00

Women with their boobs hanging out is hardly what I call porn! Go down the high street, you'll see plenty.

I think it's normal. My son is 13 and I have also found some 'porn' on my PC. I would be very upset if it was hardcore adult stuff though. I also believe in women's rights and protecting their image and would hope very much that I have instilled respect for them within my son, however, the admiration of the female body by the male of the species is apparent from the beginning (lest we forget Adam and Eve) so it is the nature of the beast I'm afraid.

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