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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

11 year old boy: How can he be going through puberty? Help! Maybe TMI for some people

38 replies

lucie19 · 06/12/2010 01:46

I always worry about being the nuerotic mother but my eldest ds (11) seems to be going through puberty very young.
I have noticed for about 6 months now that his testicles seem to be hanging considerably lower down although his penis seems about the same size. He has started to get body odour and I have had to buy him deoderant. He also seems to be getting black heads on his face.
However in the last month he has been complaining it hurts when he sings and his voice keeps going very husky and he says at chior the teacher has asked another boy to do his solo with him because his voice is unreliable at the moment (whatever that means?) He has always been very hairy on his arms and legs, to the point where it matted on his arms and the doctor told me he probably had high testosterone levels.
I am a single parent with no dad to ask about this stuff so I am on my own here. Is he going through puberty and isn't he a little young to be going through quite so many changes? Thanks for your help.

OP posts:
Kaloki · 06/12/2010 01:50

My DH went through puberty at the age. I wouldn't worry too much.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 06/12/2010 01:56

Early, but not freakishly so. I'd expect him to start covering up a bit more soon. :)

WingDad · 06/12/2010 01:56

I recall my balls starting to descend when I was about 10, by 11 I had pubes and I was starting to need deoderant.

The rest took a little bit longer but yes, it's quite common for boys to start around that age. But also bear in mind boys progress at different rates, some will start early and it'll take aages for everything to happen, and some will start late and it all could happen very quickly.

Apologies for potential TMI in this post, and yes, if you're wondering, I was a very attentive young man when it came to my progression in puberty haha!

I'm surprised you've even seen his bits, DS1 (also 11, and starting to show signs of puberty) would be horrified if I or my wife saw his manhood Shock

Original poster
lucie19 · 06/12/2010 02:10

He's still very innocent in a lot of ways, he still calls me in to condition his hair. I guess thats why I'm so shocked about the changes.
Please can you tell me about the voice changes. Is his voice breaking? and should I get him to give singing a rest for a while?
Also what can I expect next? not having been through male puberty and my only male sibling being 6 years younger than me I have no idea what to expect other than what the text books tell me.
I sound really naive, I'm not just suddenly finding myself in the dark.

OP posts:
WingDad · 06/12/2010 02:25

Erm, I had a bit of a fraught childhood so I won't go into psychological changes because I think I might be an anomaly. However, in general you can expect sudden mood swings, irrationality and all sorts of undesirable personality traits.

WRT his voice, singing won't 'damage' his voice, as long as it isn't hurting his throat a lot when he sings. He'll lose the angelic pitch and may (very sadly) lose the ability to sing altogether, however many males do manage to keep on singing after a voice change, hence the creation of male choirs and all that! And the voice doesn't actually 'break', all it is is the vocal chords getting bigger. It may be very sudden (I remember a friend of mine's broke right in the middle of a presentation he was doing in school, he went bright red and thought he was ill!) or it might deepen over time. I experienced the latter, it took about a month for my voice to change. I didn't really notice it until someone told me.

Don't worry about naivety, if you don't know you don't know. There are books you can buy all about puberty changes :)

Hope this helps, I really don't mean to sound preachy, so apologies if it comes across that way! Any more questions just shout.

Original poster
lucie19 · 06/12/2010 02:36

Thank you so much just feeling out of my depth on this one. So goody I have a stroppy teenager to look forward too lol :)

OP posts:
WingDad · 06/12/2010 02:41

My pleasure m'dear, all you have to remember when he's being a tit is that you'll get you're lovely boy back soon enough. It's a temporary change. :)

WingDad · 06/12/2010 02:41

Oh gosh...

*your

Ooops Blush

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 06/12/2010 03:42

As WingDad has said, yes, your DS's voice is breaking. Expect him to spend the next few years grunting or being a bit arsey, and DO NOT GO INTO HIS ROOM. If he wants clothes/bedsheets washing, he puts them in the machine from here on in. Other than that, you don't wanna know... Grin

And, again as WingDad has said, it is temporary. My lads are at the other end, and they're both (mostly) marvellous young men of whom I am immensely proud. :)

lazymumofteenagesons · 06/12/2010 12:24

Both my sons went through puberty early as their father did and it seems to be hereditary. It also means they come out the other side quicker! Unfortunately mine also did their growth spurts at about the age of 11 and towered above the others for a couple of years, then everyone overtook them and they remained very average.

I'm surprised he doesn't want more privacy but it will come. I haven't seen any 'bits' since they were about 9/10.

Mine had proper deep voices at 11, it was weird.

MayorNaze · 06/12/2010 12:26

v normal

ds has a few of these esp the BO but sadly the modesty part has not kicked in yet so i am far more privy to what is going on with his body than really is necessary Grin

3littlefrogs · 06/12/2010 12:30

Do make sure his shoes fit...poor DS1 went up 2 shoe sizes in one term - he complained his feet were hurting. I felt so guilty.

HollyTwat · 06/12/2010 12:36

oh I'm glad you started this thread as I've noticed my (nearly) 9 yr old DS having BO

He's having mood swings and is very aggressive sometimes

maybe this is the start of puberty for him too, or is he too young?

I'm as in the dark as you Lucie19, the book I got for him was way too old imo so need perhaps a younger one

MayorNaze · 06/12/2010 12:40

Holly - i actually spoke to school nurse about ds' agression around a year ago as he was so horrible but she was convinced it was puberty - she seems to be right as well.

MayorNaze · 06/12/2010 12:41

i love a good puberty book Grin- we have the usborne whats happening to me books in our house, both boys and girls versions :) they are nice and simple with good pictures without being overly babyish either :)

basildonbond · 06/12/2010 13:33

sorry for stupid question, but do they all get BO? ds(nearly 14 eek) has still not gone through puberty - still looks like a little boy rather than a young man iyswim - but there are signs it's on its way - extreme modesty, a few teenage spots (not bad though) and feet that have gone up 2 sizes in the last 6 months

no body hair that I can discern, not a trace of facial hair, no growth spurt (I'm still taller than him, just), definitely no BO, even his feet smell OK Grin - when's it going to kick in properly?

it's v important to him as he's currently competing against 6' plus boys with huuge muscles and he's not allowed to do weights with the big boys during training - and dd (8) has started helpfully pointing out that ds is much smaller than his friends ..

WingDad · 06/12/2010 14:02

Some boys will sweat (and therefore smell) more than others, but I think in general, no one can get away with not washing because it will become evident soon enough!

But I think nothing is impossible, some boys won't have some of the more common traits of puberty. I remember I never once had any spots (which I was very thankful for!), so it may well be possible that some boys won't experience bad BO. However, BO is more to do with growing up, as opposed to being a temporary change during puberty such as spots, which will disappear.

Basil, your son will catch up soon enough, it's just a matter of time.

snowedinthesticks · 06/12/2010 17:24

DS1 went through it at 10/11.

As someone else said check his shoes, DS went from size 6 to size 11 during year 6 at primary. Huge growth spurt- he was 6' and his voice broke just before he was 12.

At the time I struggled to answer his questions. I had no brothers and DH was no help. Most puberty books were mainly for girls and didn't do the details. I found one or two good books - "Everything you wanted to know about willys" was useful although some content for older boys.

Luckily DS was very open about it all. A little too much at times as he would demand I check out how much pubic hair he had grown. Since the previous week. Hmm.He only had a brief flirtation with modesty when he was about 7.
Perhaps a word about extra hygene down below? DH did have to demonstrate that one to DS who was becoming distinctly whiffy.

DS2 is nearly 13 and not a sign yet.

Original poster
lucie19 · 06/12/2010 19:16

Took all your advice and have been out to the library and picked up the Usborne 'whats happening to me' boys book. Thought we could sit down together and go through it. I thought if I explained that I was unsure about it as well he would feel more relaxed with me to talk about it.
Am hoping its a good opportunity to lay down openess and communication between us before the stroppy bit kicks in. So will be an interesting evening once ds2 is in bed. lol :)

OP posts:
WingDad · 06/12/2010 20:35

I'm not trying to tell you how to be a parent, but how about you give it to him to read and let him know that any questions he may have after reading the book, he can come to you.

I'm just thinking he might be too embarrassed to go through it together with you, but you know your son of course, if you think going through it together would be better, then that's absolutely fine.

MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic · 06/12/2010 21:04

I gave DS1 a book (shame on me, can't remember which one, but it was recommended by a very nice young man in Waterstones Grin) and got him to read it then ask questions. I did this because reading through the book myself first made me a bit embarrassed and I didn't want to do that in front of him. He was quite matter of fact about it, and we've agreed that as things change, if he needs to talk he knows to talk to either me or his Dad.

He's a couple of months off 13, has been getting BO on and off for a couple of years (used to be if he did sports, now it's more of an everyday thing) No hair, voice is unchanged but balls dropped a good while ago, probably at around 11ish, thinking about it.

Original poster
lucie19 · 06/12/2010 23:34

I asked him what he wanted to do and he said he would like me to read it with him. I have always answered they're questions without embarrassment on the principle that if they're old enough to ask they're old enough to know (age appropiate of course). The first thing DS1 ever asked me about sex was when I was pregnant with DS2 (DS1 was 5) instead of asking me how it got in there which I was prepared for he asked me how it was going to get out lol :)
We talked very openly without embarrassment about everything and I think it was ok I have'nt bombarded him with information tonight. Gonna leave it a few days and talk some more. Thanks again to everybody esp. wingdad for your male perspective

OP posts:
MrManager · 08/12/2010 23:37

Uh... how do know "his testicles seem to be hanging considerably lower down although his penis seems about the same size"?

He's 11, are you still looking?

BelleDeChocChipCookieMonster · 08/12/2010 23:40

Do they have some sort of hormonal thing go on for a while first? Mine just keeps saying he's sad. Not at all like him.

My son's 11, he stopped changing his underpants when I was in the same room a few years ago. There's no way in hell I'd know if his testicles hung down.

Goblinchild · 08/12/2010 23:42

Muuuummmm I've got a spot, come and look

Muuummm my hair needs conditioner now

Muuuum (a thousand other reasons why one might be in the same room as a nude son)

She's a single parent, she can't afford to have a paranoid and stressy relationship with him about his body. If there's a problem or a question, he needs to be totally comfortable with him and he with her.
If that makes you Hmm Mrmanager, it's an issue that you have with relationships, not them.