14 yr old ds just came home drunk!

[ishouldbeinbedbynow]

My 14 year old ds arrived home JUST on his 10 O'clock curfue (is that how you spell it? apologies if not!)

He was covered in mud, having gone to the town bonfire on his own with his mates. I could tell there was something amiss, having been a teenager myself.....a fact which I think my son has difficulty understanding...anyway, I asked why he was speaking strangely and commented that his pupils were very dilated and had he had a drink. He told me he had had some lager! at least he did own up to it I suppose, but I am left not knowing how to deal with it really.

Any advice from other mothers of teenagers greatly appreciated!

I'd express disappointment, remind him of the law, dangers etc, but not make too big a deal.
I was a teen drinker, and the harder my oarents were on me, the more I drank.

ds doesn't drink, but if he did I would not make a big deal of it so the shock factor didn't work.

It's curfew...

My 2 are 15 and nearly 17. You have to be careful not to demonise drinking or it becomes all the more attractive.

I have said to mine that I don't mind them having a few drinks at parties at friends' houses, but that they should be aware that if they drink alcohol outside in the street they are putting themselves at risk:
They could be arrested for under age drinking
Their judgement is impaired so they could get run over
The little local yobboes would find them an easy target

This strategy seems to work - but mine are generally fairly sensible anyway.

Well he's a better teenager than I ever was! I would always just deny any involvement in drinking when adults asked me haha!

I agree with Timi, the more you nag, the more he'll probably be compelled to drink (the old teenage doing what they shouldn't story).

Just say that he shouldn't be drinking at his age and that you're disappointed in him for doing so, but then tomorrow morning don't bring it up again (unless he's severely hung-over, which you could use as ammunition!...Although he probably won't be too bad).

Oh that came out wrong (I really should start reading my posts through )...

About the 'I'm disappointed in you' is more to do with the fact he was outdoors and probably being a bit of a yob, not necessarily the drinking aspect.

...If you understand my meaning.

he came home on time, he isnt ill or in danger! just remind him in the morning that you know he had been drinking and he did well to know his limits and be truethfull. But remind him if he where ever to came back in any state worse exactly what the consequences may be. ie people who get so pissed and inhale thier own vomit and die to the practical hell you will give him.

you gota give im it, he did well to not over do it

He came home on time,was able to walk and told you the truth, be happy and grateful that you have an honest relationship that allowed him be honest.
At 14 he will not drink enough water now and feel like crap unwell tomorrow which will teach him a better lesson then your anger disappointment will.
{If he gets sick he cleans it up}

Don't offer relief tomorrow either, a brisk country walk is the best cure

thankyou everyone, especially fortyplus for curfew .

I AM pleased that he still came home at the time he should have, and he didnt overdo it.....he was still able to have a conversation...just lol

Tomorrow morning when I wake him at 6.45 for his paper-round we shall see if he still thinks it was a good idea

Theyve all done it (or almost all) we had the same with ds2 in the summer .....only he finished the act by puking over the bathroom twice .

Hes still in disgrace and his money monitored daily and ive been into all the shops with his photo saying if he so much as gets to touch a can of lager then ill be back with the licencing bloke ...........so much so that the bloke in the offlicence has memorised all his pals too in case they club together .

I did wonder where he had managed to get the booze from.....he is tall for 14 but dont think he would pass as old enough to buy the stuff

Drinking lots of water is actually the wrong thing to do as well.

Anyway, yes, if he's being ill in the night and you are awake and aware of it, I would look after him and help him. But in the morning he can clean up any mess that might have been made/wash clothes etc. You can tell him he's been an idiot and could easily have been brought home by the police for drinking underage/got into trouble etc.

If he is seriously drunk and you don't know how much he's had and you might be worried at him being sick and choking, put him on a camp-bed in your room.

he was fine when he got up this morning so I guess he cant have had much!

Am sat here worried sick now cos he is off out again.....no reason to keep him in as we had a sensible chat about it this morning on way to football and agreed that a small amount of alcohol was not the end of the world..but that he had to be aware of the dangers of drinking too much ie, being sick, losing control, doing stupid things, fighting etc etc.

Just hope he is sensible!

God, it was so easy when he was little and all I had to worry about was whether he would sleep through the night or eat his veg! If I had known how hard it was going to get, I would have made sure I really appreciated it then!!!

Your son was honest, and he came back on time. Mine (15) did the same, extremely drunk but v repentant. I told him that everyone is allowed one mistake (!), but that if it happened again he'd be grounded or lose his laptop for a week.

I told him I don't expect him not to drink at all, because I know he wants to fit in (and better for him to do it now than when he is away from home) but only to have a small amount. I also asked him where he got it from: his friends steal it from their parents .

I asked him to remember three things : don't mix your drinks, watch your drinks (so no-one can spike them) and look after your mates.

I think he appreciated me (apparently)trusting him - I don't really. I wouldn't trust any 15 yr old never to get drunk again ...!

It's important to me that he does keep talking to me. But it's early days. I know there's worse to come, but I'm trying not to stress about it in advance.

And your son, like mine, is into sport. That should help, I think. I hope. Good luck.

thankyou so much.

I was really pleased that he was prepared to talk to me about it this morning, and I think he also appreciated that I wanted to discuss it with him, rather than just lay the law down....if the truth be known I would just like to strap him to his x-box and leave him there till he is 23, just so I know what he's up to .....and I hate him going on the x-box too!!

oh god its sooo hard! and he is ds1, there's ds2 and ds3 to worry about soon too

Try to keep your nerve. I think it's a waiting game at this age. You want them to get as old and mature as they can before they have to deal with people offering them alcohol and drugs, and every day that goes by is a day that they are better prepared to deal with it when it comes.

Your son is talking to you and you seem to trust him to be sensible. If he's the oldest, maybe you can also appeal to him to set a good example. It'll be easier with the others, not least because they'll have a big brother to look out for them.

What I wish is that I knew who his friends are. I used to know them all, but not now.

He's home, early and sober, yaayyyy

I know what you mean about the friends thing, I try to get him to bring as many home as possible, just so I can get a look at them, but as he gets older they seem to hang around in a bit of a pack, with different ones joining in at different times.

Oh well, tonight was a success, I will take one day at a time as you say

Great! You can relax now!