promiscuity in teenagers

[ellie1234]

what is normal for teenagers today. they seem to sleep around at the drop of a hat. my stepdaughter behaviour shocks me. on saturday night she had a young boy staying the night who she intimated was her new boyfriend. last night she did not come home and it appears she was with a different boy. to her this is normal. I don't know what to say or what to say or what to do

How old is she? Based on the experiences of the crowd of teenagers I know through my 15 year old daughter who range in age from 14- 18 that this is not the norm. They seems very critical of the odd person they know who is promiscuous ( although not even to the extent you describe) and even those at the older end of this age range seem to have stable Longer term relationships, not all of which involve full sexual relationship. I would share your shock- are you able to talk to her about it? What does your partner say?

Make sure she is aware of and has access to contraception, and if she has poor self-esteem work on building that up (if you genuinely think that she may be having more sex than she wants due to peer pressure or unhappiness then, without judgement, let her know that she is loved and she has choices) - but do bear in mind that promiscuity isn't a bad thing. Sex is fun. As long as she knows that she's entitled to refuse sex she doesn;t want, and treats her partners with kindness and courtesy, how many partners she has is her business and not yours.

Hmmm yes and no.

I work with young people and they come from many different backgrounds, ethnically, financialy and socially as well as academicaly.

I've noticed sexual behaviour seems to be polarised. They are either aghast that people sleep around or (within another group) it is perfectly normal to do it and brag about it as well. I don't want to get into stereotyping people. It is not fair to do so.

I first came across the girls bragging who they had sex with 20 years ago when I was about 25 and I was really shocked. 10 years earlier NONE of the girls I knew would have talked about having sex at all.

SGB it could be ellie's buisness (depending on family dynamics or certainly the girls father's buisness if she is under 16.

sgb the trouble is I used to feel like you that promiscuity is not a bad thing thing. but now I am not so sure. wherever I see promiscuity I see unhappines. asking a teenager to treat their partners with kindness and coutesy is all very well but they can only do so with the maturity that they have so far learnt. teenagers are only just beginning to have sensitivity and empathy. they are so wound up in their own feelings that sometimes they find it very hard to understand another person's feelings, no matter how hard they try.

she is 17 and lives with us full time and I am very concerned for her as I care for her and her happiness. her happiness and actions also impact on the other members of the family. her father tries to remind her that she may get a reputation. he is as worried as me and knows she would not be doing this if she felt happy and secure - we do offer her love and security in bucket loads but it does not seem enough. thank you for all your replies it is nice to hear how other people are thinking

One thing that I would bring up if you could ellie is the use of condoms. Your daughter may say she is on the pill or whatever and has taken control of contraception issues but possible STI's would be a worry. Especially sti's such as Chlyamedia where there are no visible symptoms.
I'm sure you know that an STI like this could affect her future fertility.

blimey

I would definitely make sure she is using condoms along with another form of contraception.

I personally would recommend the nuva ring or the evra patch. They are really easy to use, difficult to forget cos with the patch you change it once a week, the ring once every 3 weeks. You can even take the ring out for 3 hours and put it back in without risking pregnancy. I don't know anyone who has got pregnant on the ring or patch, yet I do know people who have got pregnant using just condoms (with no obvious splits, rips or tears), diaphragm, combined pill, mini pill, cerazette, copper coil, mirena coil, depo injection and the implant.

' her father tries to remind her that she may get a reputation' I agree with with you up until this point. I have had that reputation and far worse no doubt. I am am now 27 and I really do not give a toss what other people think. Her father of all people should be telling her no such thing.

Criticising her behaviour will only compound the feeling that she is worthless. Give her love, stability and information wrt contraceptives. Her choice may not sit well with your morals, but that doesn't mean that they are not right for her.

May be I put it badly. Her father reminding her she may get a reputation was a loving warning not a criticism. She knows his love is unconditional and of course she is always encouraged to be proud of herself and never to worry about what other people think.