Coping with feelings ‘in the raw’ i.e. without booze, food, etc to help

[PamelaPeaches]

So I recently read a great book about a New Zealand housewife giving up the booze and living a sober life. She talked about the adjustment of not being able to have alcohol whenever she’d have an uncomfortable feeling - she now has to live all through all her feelings ‘in the raw’. A long and difficult process to adjust to. Cos life is fecking hard. And we all have lots of uncomfortable feelings to live with, and that will not change.

Got me thinking I definitely use both alcohol and food to mentally check out and ‘be somewhere else’. I don’t really want to do this any more.

So lemme have your tips - what do you do with your feelings when you’ve received that slightly rude text, or you’ve upset your friend, or you’ve had a crap day at work?

Meditate? Call a friend? Plan to go to bed early? Write a post on Mumsnet? Stroke a cushion? What.

Well, first of all, alcohol is a vicious circle. It seems to help with stress at the moment, but it actually depletes vitamin B from your system and leaves you less able to deal with stress.

I was psychologically addicted to alcohol, using it to deal with minor stresses. So I took large doses of Vitamin B complex as soon as I decided to stop. I was involved in a huge earthquake two weeks after I stopped drinking and saw how the winos were still sprawled out in their world while everyone was running around trying to find where they could help. It only made me happier that I had stopped.

Can't talk about comfort eating though. I do know that Overeaters Anonymous has a very good reputation.

I didn’t know that about Vitamin B. Another good reason not to drink.

Did you find anything particularly helpful Coyo, to deal with life stresses in the moment, after giving up drink?

Mindfulness meditation does help, but I find that I can't get to it from first bae IYSWIM. I cannot go from dropping prop (binge-eating) straightaway to MM. Drinking herbal tea helps as an alternative prop, both interim and longer term. Having a brief got home routine anchors and settles me: shoes off, wash hands, brush hair, cup of tea. By the time that's done, I'm usually in a better place.

I think it's a good idea to not put all your eggs in one basket. Ie. have more then one option.

Breathing really really helps but sometimes you just don't want to sit and calm yourself. Sometimes you want to punch a wall > not recommended < so then I'll go for an 'angry walk' instead. That's the one where you are stomping around, muttering swear words like some demented women.

Get us much help as you can get. Supplements, exercise, reiki, (group)therapy, medication, writing, AA; whatever you think could possibly help!!

Struggling with this at the moment (given up a food addiction). I don't think there's any option but to feel my feelings, the only way out is through type of thing. I've been going to bed early a lot... it feels like depression, but I know it's a reaction to being without my 'drug'.

Thanks for these replies. I keep meaning to come back to this. Trying some different methods. But also burying my head in the sand min between. Want to try journaling and breathing more. Is hard with kids around

*Burying head in sand in between

Following, will come back shortly

What a great idea for a thread. I definitely use food & alcohol to distract me. Watching with interest for others' experiences.

Still struggling with this. Especially after the school holidays. Would love to share and swap ideas. Currently having maybe 2/3 glasses beer or wine every other night. I do and I don't want to stop it... It definitely 'gives' me something..

I find a shower helps to clear the mind a bit.

Whatever life throws at me I think, ‘at least I’m sober.’
I can upset a friend, have a sleepless night, worry about money, worry about being a good parent etc. without factoring in whether drink was a factor.

Currently a large bottle of brewdog beer down. Stopping now but I know I'll feel less than my best tomorrow. Thing is I CAN stop but I can't not start.

Think I will pick a night when I would normally drink and 'live' post about what/how I'm feeling whilst actively choosing not to drink. Could be an interesting tactic to try.

Funny...used to be food. Now it's drink.

I read a post somewhere by someone else that said it takes a day and a a sleep to feel better.

I loved this, I think it is so true. it's often not the feeling bad that's the problem, for me it's the thinking that follows which is 'this is so awful' 'it's never going to end' etc etc.

The day and the sleep idea just reminds me that 'this too shall pass'.

A good meal, hot bath and a good nights sleep. xx

I love that too... A day and a sleep... Am going to remind myself of that x

I usually leave those feelings aside until I'm ready to deal with them - this means I try to stop thinking about whatever it is that upset me and focus on something else (usually a book or a movie but could also be time with my kids, etc).

I usually get out of the funk after a few hours/the next day and feel much better able to deal with it all.

If I'm feeling really bad about something/doubting my judgement, I'll call friends/family to talk about it and gain perspective.

Stress completely cuts my appetite so comfort eating isn't a thing for me. As for alcohol I follow a rule my brother gave me - only ever drink when you feel good and happy, never when you're feeling blue.

However I recognize I'm lucky in that I don't have any addict tendencies and don't easily depend on substances to deal with life (other family members are not that fortunate).

If you're reading Mrs D is going without, try her Mrs D is going within.

She details the coping methods she uses/d to deal with her feelings and its a really good read. She mentions books and things that she found useful.

I found both of them a really good read, as is her new one The Wine Myth.

Things I've found useful are yoga, mindfulness, meditation and exercise.