I done it again. Help me ride the comedown

[sleepdeprived17]

Stupid stupid stupid. Went for a few drinks. Ended up on coke. Again.
Didn't go to bed until 6. Now want to throw myself out the window.
Currently hate myself a lot. Anyone out there?

Anyone?

Hi. You need to go to the dr and get help. You will do it again.

Hope you feel better soon x

I dont touch it for months but the minute I have a night out its like i cant help myself. Probably gonna feel on the anxious side for about a week now.
I really hate myself

Then maybe you need to quit alcohol if that is what leads you to do it.

Unfortunately some people have to go tee total or it destroys their lives.

It’s up to you if you want to continue doing it and hating yourself. 😕

Comedowns don't last for ever. You'll feel better this evening.
Have a walk outside, some nice food and a bath.
But you need to work out how you can get through the bit that makes you say 'fuck it' on a night out and take some. Did someone offer it to you or did you seek it out?

I asked my Dp to get some for us
I'm so ashamed of myself. I'm stuck in this horrible cycle and everytime I think i'm doing okay i'm right back at the beginning

If he knows you're trying to stay clean, what reason would your do have to get it when you asked?

The comedown will pass. Nice big fleecy blanket to snuggle with might help.

We all make mistakes and exercise poor judgement at times. It doesn't mean we're useless and can never change.

Please see your GP, or you can find local support here: www.talktofrank.com/get-help/find-support-near-you

Don’t be hard on yourself. By posting this thread take it as a positive that you have acknowledged the problem and are looking at reasons why and how to change. Go for a walk in the fresh air. Have a nice coffee. Sit and work through what happened ... was it alcohol that made you cave in, if so think about how you can stop this in future. I’ve been on and off cigarettes and it’s usualy alcohol that makes me cave so now when I get that feeling I take a few minutes and think why do I want a cig, remember it’s disgusting, how I’ll feel disgusting if I have one and usually that is enough to stop me. Ok you caved in last night but that was last night, today is today. Onwards and upwards!

@rjnomore1 because he's the same as me. The minute we have a drink, we both just cave no matter how much we say before hand that we won't. It's a horrible place to be, i feel like i have no control.

Currently hiding in bed while dp snores away (im very jealous that he can sleep). Im thinking film and a nap then go pick dd up. Hopefully i'll be feeling better soon. I suffer with anxiety and depression anyway, coupled with occasional suicide ideation so when hit with a comedown I just struggle to not do anything stupid. Think i'd know better by now

It does sound like you might need to think about the alcohol too to keep things under control.

I hope you feel better soon

You are both enabling each other then.

You won’t be able to quit it if he won’t.

Have you or DP had help with your problem?

If you really want to stop it sounds like avoiding alcohol is essential. You may also need to end your relationship if DP enables you and/or isn’t working to get sober.

You have a child. Is that not enough to stop you doing drugs?

You need to leave your DP before you both kill yourselves using drugs. You’ve got a child. Honestly, is this the example you want to set her?

You have a child. Stop. For their sake if not your own.

You’re getting a lot of replies from people with children and fuelled with opinions and lack of knowledge.
Take it from someone with no children and a past party life.
You won’t kill yourself on drugs, we all like to have a good time, we all cave at times and like to enjoy a night out with our partner.
It sounds like the drugs aren’t the problem, it’s your anxiety and depression and yes, the temptation from your partner. If you’re feeling rubbish you’re going to think ‘fuck it’ because you just want to have a good time.
Have you had any treatment for your anxiety and depression?
You should speak to your partner about really trying not to do it. If you’re only doing it every now and again it should be easy, but if you’re developing a habit and you really can’t say no, that’s a road you don’t want to go down and should look for some help to nip it in the bud now.
I think if you sort your anxiety and depression and have good support from your partner you’ll be able to do it. And just stick to alcohol for the time being- much cheaper anyway!!

I've been there, sleep deprived. Probably about 1000 times. Eventually gave up last year, when I'd just had enough and finally got to a point where I was ready to forever quit.

I heard it once said that 'coke is not a great respecter of free will' and I think that's very true. For me, I had to cut myself off from any route to supply, so I cut off from all dealers, all using friends etc. I still drink occasionally but there have been times where if I had the option, I may have caved. Don't know if 'cutting off' like this is an option for you?

Otherwise the only thing I can suggest is not to drink, I know the cravings get multiplied x 100 when alcohol is a factor.

As a PP said, if this is just an occasional thing with you it might not be fucking too much with your life, but be careful as I started out like that and the sneaky little fucker soon took hold.