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Original poster

Cocaine and it's grip on me

25 replies

rainbowdash17 · 03/01/2017 09:11

Hi,
I've used cocaine for 2 months on and off but I've noticed that it's taken a real grip on me now and I can't not have it and for the past 2 weeks I've had it daily.
I've used it as a coping mechanism, albeit a bad one . I'm ashamed and worried because I don't have anybody to talk to that won't judge me.

How can I stop??
I'm having about half a gram to a gram on a daily basis now.
Help or advice appreciated- it's a horrible drug that has taken hold and I don't know what to do

OP posts:
Original poster
rainbowdash17 · 03/01/2017 09:17

How I know it's a problem:

  • I get a little bit every day
  • I panic when I run out
  • I haven't slept in days
  • I blow blood and lumps out of my nose sometimes
  • my chest feels tight
  • I have nobody to talk to about it
OP posts:
tribpot · 03/01/2017 09:30

Best place to start is by disclosing the problem, so you have to face up to it. It's hard, but I would tell your GP. You need the accountability if you are going to stop.

Next I would get yourself to NA. They won't judge, they've seen it all. Alternatively your GP cab recommend addiction services.

sotiredbutworthit · 03/01/2017 09:33

Go to your GP and nip it in the bud before you have lasting health problems. They can refer you to the appropriate services. You aren't alone, you can beat this. Good luck and much love xxxx

Clutterbugsmum · 03/01/2017 09:47

I think YOU need to go to your doctor and have an open and honest conversation with them.

You have started 3 thread under 3 different names in the last week. You are still in full denial about your addiction.

flatwhite45 · 03/01/2017 15:59

Rainbow, I have been following your threads for a while now. I really feel for you. Two weeks non stop doing coke is no joke, you must be exhausted, and I can see a big part of you is desperate to stop. I think you really need to tell one person in RL. Even if they judge you, the most important thing now is to give your body and mind a rest. Before you do yourself serious damage. Is there a friend you can stay with for a few days, who can support you through the comedown and let you get your sleep and rest? And watch your child. I think you need head space and to get on an even keel. You may not be ready to stop completely, but you can at least cut down. This will give you more perspective on things.

I feel for you because I spent every weekend of 2016 doing coke at home with my husband. For a period of four months or so it was becoming a twice weekly occurrence. We both work, have children and busy lives to manage. It was becoming impossible. I have promised myself I will get clean this year. I hope I do because I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that I will lose everything (including my kids) if I don't. I have been trying since September and have managed to cut down massively but not stop completely. I am not going to give myself a guilt trip (even though the guilt is immense) as I know this won't help me recover and is more likely to drive me further toward the drug. I am going to be trying the following: NA (it's anonymous so they can't report you) the help of two trusted friends, hypnosis recordings (lots free online), yoga, keeping busy and sitting out the cravings. It's a shitty shitty drug, but you CAN beat it.

UnbornMortificado · 03/01/2017 16:03

I posted on your last thread.

Drugs will lose you your DC.

Im not saying that nastily or even judging I haven't been a saint in the past. Addiction is hard you need RL help.

notangelinajolie · 03/01/2017 16:10

Start with your GP. Don't beat yourself up over people judging you, if they do then they aren't worth knowing. One person who definitely won't judge you is your doctor - you won't be their first patient in this situation.

You have made the first step to get help by admitting on here that you are a drug addict. Now, take the second step and make that phone call.

FusionChefGeoff · 03/01/2017 16:11

Definitely try NA I'm sure they will have a helpline and will be able to put you in touch with another woman who has successfully beaten addiction.

I'm in AA and it saved my life - which is bloody marvellous now. But it was fucking horrible when I was drinking and I needed the support of AA to get me sober.

Good luck Flowers

Original poster
rainbowdash17 · 03/01/2017 20:26

If I go to gp I'll risk my beautiful daughter, whom despite misconceptions and visions people have in their heads, I'm a brilliant mum to her.

OP posts:
Original poster
rainbowdash17 · 03/01/2017 20:27

I'm going to ring NA tomorrow when my little one is at nursery. It's not so much denial (because I know it's a problem& a big one) it's more Shane and disappointment and fear of judgement.

OP posts:
EnidColeslaw771 · 03/01/2017 20:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ElasticFirecracker · 03/01/2017 20:32

You will find great help and support at NA. They will not judge and there will be no need for shame. Wishing you well.

UnbornMortificado · 03/01/2017 20:53

Rainbow I don't think anyone has misconceptions about you, but you must know fine well your parenting won't be the best it can be whilst your an addict. I'm speaking from experience.

NA won't judge you. I really hope you can get the help for you and your DD's sake.

CitrusSun · 04/01/2017 01:20

Coke is the work of the devil, I used to love the fucking stuff, couldn't imagine a life free of its grip, was a mum, held down a stressful intense job which demanded international travel every 8 weeks, somehow I kicked it, I knew I would lose every damn thing that was good in my life if I carried on, could foresee a time when it would be just me and that powder kidding myself it was all ok but the reality would have been I'd have nothing left except that little white mountain. I have since kicked other addictions including my beloved cigarettes- if it stands still long enough I get addicted to it - and miss them all to varying degrees but I think Charlie was the one that frightened me the most, that could truly have sunk me cos I liked it too much. If you want non judgmental chat just PM me and I really wish you strength

Original poster
rainbowdash17 · 04/01/2017 08:03

Citrus- wow and well done. You're an inspiration. I've rid the house of coke and instead of coke this morning it's coffee and cheezelets!

OP posts:
UnbornMortificado · 04/01/2017 08:05

Aw great start rainbow Flowers

flatwhite45 · 04/01/2017 11:30

Well done Rainbow! It's a good startStar

serialtester · 04/01/2017 21:31

That's a good start. I totally understand (from experience) how moreish it is. It's also fucking horrible when you're stuck in the cycle of being dependant on it.

NA is a great starting point.

I too have followed your threads and really wish you well.

CitrusSun · 05/01/2017 01:03

Brilliant Rainbow,well done! Xx

flatwhite45 · 05/01/2017 10:41

How are this morning Rainbow?

BlueFolly · 05/01/2017 22:11

How's it going @rainbowdash17

Original poster
rainbowdash17 · 07/01/2017 22:37

Joined a very helpful support group
It's really helpful & everybody is encouraging and understanding.
It's really going to help I think

OP posts:
queenofthebucket · 07/01/2017 22:57

Thats amazing news Rainbow Im so pleased for you.
Just keep reminding yourself of the life you want to lead and take it one day at a time. x

flatwhite45 · 08/01/2017 07:30

So pleased to hear it Rainbow! Well done!

CitrusSun · 09/01/2017 15:16

Well done Rainbow, keep doing the right thing

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