HAVING A FAT AND UGLY DAY - AGAIN!

[Mandymoo]

I am 31 in 2 weeks but have the following issues:

i have a fat backside

i have horrible black circles under my bloodshot eyes

i have grey hairs and a horrible gingery red colour from too much home colouring!

My teeth are yellow

my skin is so tired and blemished

its the summer but i NEVER go brown, just red and then i blister (NOT a good look!)

my eyebrows need constant plucking or they turn into one giant monobrow within minutes

I AM FEELING FAT AND FRUMPY AND UGLY AND GENERALLY BLEUGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!

What can i do to feel and look like i'm in my 30s and not my 70s????

PS. yes i may be slighty pre menstral!!!!!XX

That sounds like me on a good day! Go to a health spa and let them pamper, pluck and feed you!

Message withdrawn

You are premenstrual. It will all feel better in the morning!
In the meantime, book yourself a good professional cut and colour (don't go too short - very ageing on most people, esp us non-elfin types IMO) and have a manicure & pedicure at the same time. And an eyebrow wax if they do it. Always makes you feel infinitely more polished.
If you want to go brown, fake it. Much better for you. A St Tropez will make your eyes and teeth look brighter, cover up tired and blemished skin and make you look thinner.
But as I say, the self-loathing will ebb away when the hormonal storm is over.
Wish I was 30!

Aloha - please come to my house and do all those things you said i should do!!! Have tried fake tanning before and tbh i ended up looking like a freak. Still better a tanned freak than a pale one i guess??!!

AHHHH Chocolate - yes my favourite past time. Think i may actually have too much sugar in my bloodstream!!!!

A glass of chardonnay always helps too - well it is nearly my birthday!!!