I stopped dyeing my hair in 2021… but it makes me utterly miserable. Should I stick it out or dye it again?

[Greyyyybeornot]

I am about 30-40% grey, all the front of my head. I stopped dyeing it in 2021 because the dyeing every 10 days was driving me crazy. And I also wanted to normalise going grey.

(I’m 45, for context.)

Anyway, I think about my hair NON STOP. I hate having grey hair. It makes me feel so old and ugly. I want to not be ageist and like it , but I’m finding it hard.

I also really don’t want to go back to dyeing it every two weeks and those tiny silver roots looked awful.

What would you all advise?

How to I either come to terms with being grey at 45? Or do I just go dark brown again?

Help!!! It’s really bothering me. I think about it nonstop. I’m sometimes surprised by my reflection / photos of me (and not in a good way).

At one point, the hairdresser gave me highlights which made me blondish, which also didn’t feel like “me”.

I miss my almost-black hair. It felt part of my identity for so long!

Anyone been through the same?

You see for me, life was too short for spending the time and money dying my roots every 3 weeks.

OP, maybe try finding a few insta accounts to try and see if you can see how beautiful many women can look with grey. And how so many look better with grey.

I did find I had to change some elements if my wardrobe and make up. I had been wearing warmer colours to work with the brown dye. These clashed with the cooler grey..so now I steer clear of them and look better in cooler, sharper colours. So maybe your wardrobe needs to change. Not your hair.

This is a no brainer for me. Not because I don’t think grey can look great but because you are unhappy. I would go to a good colourist and ask for a consultation.

Have you looked at colour depositing. Shampoos or conditioners? I have naturally red curly hair and it's part of me/my identity (fuck all to do with the patriarchy) , I have some greys coming through but I don't want to dye it because dye is often one dimensional and my hair has so many tones. I've used John frieda radiant red and also aveda I think it's called colour radiant or something like that. I don't use them every wash. Maybe once a week or when I want my hair to be glossier/more vibrant, they tone in the greys so they look coppery/golden, so my hair looks like it is naturally lightening (which it is) but without the stark difference between the grey/white bits and the red. I used one called infuse my colour once but that was a more dramatic impact than I was looking for and I ended up diluting it with regular shampoo and conditioner, but it might work for you

I don't think Sarah Harris looks great with long grey hair.
I'd dye it and cut it.

Not a particularly supportive thread. I hope all the people who are making the nasty critical comments about other peoples choices are absolutely f###ing gorgeous- but I doubt it very much.

Supportive to whom?

Those with grey hair or those who dye it?

It's just a personal choice, surely?

I suppose personal preference but I think she wouldn’t be as striking with a standard hair colour tbh. I follow her Instagram (not because she has grey hair) and think she has lovely style, but I suppose personal preference 🤷🏻‍♀️ I do think being very pretty and slim probably helps her pull off the grey so well though.

I like this Instagram account for blending greys but using them as the highlights, it might give you some inspiration

www.instagram.com/emchenhair?igsh=NWt1aTBiamU4aGQ0

I feel miserable with mine , or did, like I'm punishing myself. It's curly and very grey now so a double whammy. Things that have helped: make up, not loads. Earrings (not massive statement ones, just remembering to where them), a good cut with some shape; losing weight and toning up: wearing clothes that look good rather than lounge wear. Nails sorted. So I've just shifted the reliance I had on dyed hair to look good for me to other things.

Your hair is fabulous!

Me too. Obviously not as technically fine tuned as hers, but I’m dark brown with grey and have been using a home demi permanent to make the demarcation less. It works for me as it gives me sort of tea colored highlights, and it’s pretty easy to do.

Agree except for the comments like ‘long grey hair makes me shudder, it’s revolting’

I do Wonder if it ends up being a case of having to make more effort with other things where the hair would have sort of carried things more easily? And having to adapt make up and clothing styles

I tried going grey and loathed the salt and pepper. You clearly hate it, life is too short to have hair you hate!

I go to my hairdressers every 3 weeks. By week my roots at my fringe are showing. Hairdresser told me which colours I needed and what % peroxide,so ordered from Amazon with a brush and dish, job done. It lasts until I go next , might be worth doing

I prefer your hair grey but do what works for you. Just wanted to let you know I think it looks lovely. It doesn't read as old to me at all.

@Greyyyybeornot

I really like your hair. I wouldn't dye it. Once you dye it, it you will have to keep doing it.

I really would embrace the grey.

I have low lights every 3 months, I love it. Dark, almost black hair is, like you say, part of my identity.

I had exactly this dilemma.... Tried highlights, didn't really suit me and dried my hair out too .. I'm currently using John Frieda defy grey range.... It's a sort of blending / toning shampoo and I love it.

OP has said that she's miserable with grey hair, and wants to go back to dyeing it.

That’s a good point. I sometimes hate my grey hair but I quite often hated my dyed hair so it’s fairly equal.

for me mine was fine when done but then would go a bit of an odd red tinge which I hated.

Im not the poster you are asking but I’m totally grey but my eyebrows haven’t gone grey so are black still.

I shaved my head 2 years ago due to having a reaction to hair dye.
So I shaved it bald and started again.
It as grown back with natural corkscrew curls.
I have loads of Grays but I don't look old with it.
I think if you have the confidence you will shine with it.
I have healthy natural curly almost fully gray hair and love it.
Years of dying it ruined my hair and my curls were none existing.
Then had a bad reaction in the end.