I stopped dyeing my hair in 2021… but it makes me utterly miserable. Should I stick it out or dye it again?

[Greyyyybeornot]

I am about 30-40% grey, all the front of my head. I stopped dyeing it in 2021 because the dyeing every 10 days was driving me crazy. And I also wanted to normalise going grey.

(I’m 45, for context.)

Anyway, I think about my hair NON STOP. I hate having grey hair. It makes me feel so old and ugly. I want to not be ageist and like it , but I’m finding it hard.

I also really don’t want to go back to dyeing it every two weeks and those tiny silver roots looked awful.

What would you all advise?

How to I either come to terms with being grey at 45? Or do I just go dark brown again?

Help!!! It’s really bothering me. I think about it nonstop. I’m sometimes surprised by my reflection / photos of me (and not in a good way).

At one point, the hairdresser gave me highlights which made me blondish, which also didn’t feel like “me”.

I miss my almost-black hair. It felt part of my identity for so long!

Anyone been through the same?

Here! Here! I do think having grey hair does mean having to really take care of the hair and not relying on it for your overall look. I think there is definitely a need to be mindful of makeup, clothing and weight etc but I would say you can tell with older ladies when they dye their hair which is completely fine btw. I think it’s about doing what brings peace and contentment for yourself whether that’s dying hair or going natural. Objectively Sarah Harris looks amazing.

I do agree I have seen some women with grey hair who look fantastic, generally they are well groomed. I’m not that person, I’m about as well groomed as Boris Johnson.

I had to look up Sarah Harris
Stunning women and the older women who were models have that niche look that's very striking.
Very few look like that whether dyed or grey anyway

I really dislike the need to put down other women because they do something different to you.
Its poor self esteem/ internalised misogyny to say that dyed hair looks older and we all know you are grey underneath or you are grey and all women who are grey look terrible.
It's a whole raft of factors that determine how individuals age and what other women do has fuck all to do with anyone else.

Tried it and it didn't suit me and I felt miserable and unkempt due to the texture
For me being healthy and happy and looking my best is what it's all about .

Just an aside many more men than admit it dye their hair, use make up and enjoy massages and grooming.

Yes that's what my hair resembled 😂

Thank you!

I've got dark brown hair with some greys coming through.

I love my hair colour & don't want to dye it all but would be interested in anything that might make the greys a bit less obvious!

@diddl I really recommend it!

I decided to let my greys through during the pandemic when nobody was looking😆 I was 53 and my natural colour was almost black. A brownish black as opposed to my mum's (incredible) blueish black. I have stuck with the grey. I don't love it as such. It's just hair. I do get stared at more than I'm completely comfortable with, mostly by women around my age. A significant number of them (complete strangers) have commented very positively, saying it suits me and that they love the colour. I did not sign up for compliments, believe me. But it doesn't hurt. I think if I wasn't so lazy about the whole beauty side of things, I might have kept dyeing it. Hell, if I wasn't so lazy, it might be purple or royal blue! But it is quite long, so apologies in advance to those who find long grey hair so revolting it makes them shudder. Just look away if you find it offensive. I'm just trying to live my life.

I grew mine out 2020.
I won't colour it again but I do miss my dark hair.

My hair is fully grey now, I’ve posted photos in previous threads but won’t add any now what with the gallery photo issues and PP possibly being revolted by me. It’s just a grey bob.

People say it suits me and they may be just being polite and they really think I look in my 80s but that’s okay - imho it looks better on me than when it was dark brown (and i was having to dye my roots every two weeks). I do go through phases of thinking I might want to colour it again, but I know I’d probably regret it so I talk myself round. Maybe one day I won’t? Who knows?

Honestly OP, do what you want and dye it back if you think you’ll feel better about yourself. I do wonder if a new cut and some new clothes that make your grey pop might be one other option first?

I let my dyed hair grow out during the pandemic. However like you @Greyyyybeornot I began to hate it and thought it had aged me. I had a lot of compliments but thought people were just being polite.
So I went and had it dyed again. Two years later I’m now considering going grey again. I fed up of the cost of dyeing, I’m fed up of the re growth and I look back at photos of when I was grey and realise I did not look old at all. Friends and family are encouraging me to go grey again, they really were telling the truth when they said it suited me

This may be a bit out there but have you considered a wig?! So low maintenance compared to all this dyeing! I've had alopecia for many years and wigs are just incredibly easy!

Just a thought .....

A you post a photo of your hair? This is exactly my plan!

Which genius person recommended the brunette shampoo.

I’ve avoided them as my skin suits blonder tones, I bite the bullet and went to boots this morning.

bloody magic, I still have a few greys but I look more polished than wicked witch of the west which I was bordering on.
ok it’s one shampoo, but they’ve gone more golden than brown. It’s brilliant.
thank you!!

Where do you get wigs from? Would they work over thick hair?

Do you mean Plantur 79 brown? Or is there another magic shampoo?

I've found the colour depositing conditioners for brown hair have generally been great for me - and can prolong time needed between dyes.

My DSis after being a blond child ended up with mousy brown hair and since leaving home has dyed it chestnut brown or red. My teenage daughter at uni is dying her hair a huge array of ever changing colours as she find her hair colour a bit boring. I dislike the intermediate going white in 40s so choose to dye - if that's the unfeminism choice well who cares - my Dad went white in his 60s retaining colour till then so it's just unfortunate I got Mum's losing colour in 40s genes.

I may at some stage go grey like DMum or in my case white or I may dye like MIL well into my 70s. One of MIL friends looks more blond than grey - she uses some shampoo/conditioner combination which works for her base grey colour really well - but MIL and DH used to insist it was naturally like that till it came up in conversation it wasn't.

If you are unhappy - talk to a hair dresser about options or experiment with colour depositing shampoos and conditioner or even box dye - usually 3 shade lighter than you originally were.

Plantur 79 brown

John Frieda Brilliant Brunette Colour Vibrancy
John Frieda Defy Grey Brunette Blending Conditioner

I think the conditioner tend to deposit more colour than the shampoos though using both is probably best practise.

But I am going white not grey - so colour take up is better though dyes can be problematic.

@Mirabai I use www.simplywigs.co.uk

Would you know if there is a blonde equivalent to the Plantur shampoo

If your hair is very thick and/or long, it could be more tricky. There are techniques for tying up your hair and then you wear a wig cap to hold your own hair in place. I have my remaining hair cut short as it's much easier to manage. It can also be very hot in warmer weather but most of the year, no problems.

@suburburban sorry never something I've needed personally. I just use the browns and I'm aware there are reds- though didn't do that much to DD1 brown at time hair.

No idea what MIL friend used as didn't go into details.

Appreciate your reply

It would be great if there was an equivalent blonde product

Just adding here that I've started a thread in Site Stuff about the confusion that the thread gallery has caused to some posters. I knew the photos weren't of the OP (I've seen thread galleries before on other threads here) but I wonder if it's necessary to include it in situations like this?
(Sorry to derail OP!)

This is exactly what I’ve been doing and it works quite well.

@ChardonnaysBeastlyCat or anyone else who’s used the www.superdrug.com/hair/shampoo/colour-protect-shampoo/plantur-39-colour-brown-phyto-caffeine-shampoo-conditioner/p/mp-00014386?gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjw8--2BhCHARIsAF_w1gxG4TZhddRk4GrpwPnl-fCgsC2n9N-VUCtcKYSCk1wMkfzTAdkAe0MaAo14EALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds

I’m fully grey at the front but salt/pepper much darker at the back. Like OP I’m struggling with looking washed out. I’d try this but worried it will turn that horrible orange colour. Is it really any good if you’ve a fair amount of grey rather than a sprinkling ?