I stopped dyeing my hair in 2021… but it makes me utterly miserable. Should I stick it out or dye it again?

[Greyyyybeornot]

I am about 30-40% grey, all the front of my head. I stopped dyeing it in 2021 because the dyeing every 10 days was driving me crazy. And I also wanted to normalise going grey.

(I’m 45, for context.)

Anyway, I think about my hair NON STOP. I hate having grey hair. It makes me feel so old and ugly. I want to not be ageist and like it , but I’m finding it hard.

I also really don’t want to go back to dyeing it every two weeks and those tiny silver roots looked awful.

What would you all advise?

How to I either come to terms with being grey at 45? Or do I just go dark brown again?

Help!!! It’s really bothering me. I think about it nonstop. I’m sometimes surprised by my reflection / photos of me (and not in a good way).

At one point, the hairdresser gave me highlights which made me blondish, which also didn’t feel like “me”.

I miss my almost-black hair. It felt part of my identity for so long!

Anyone been through the same?

You look very nice - but from the pics you would be late 40s to mid 50s, so if someone told you you don’t look old enough to have a grown up son, they were fluffing you.

Same here. I don’t do it for any other reason than the colour I have suits me better than grey (or any other colour). I’m mid fifties, have long given up giving a fuck what anyone thinks of me and have enough self-confidence to do and wear what I know looks best on me. .

Exactly what I said. I would think they had very poor eyesight or they were winding me up if someone said I don't look old enough to have a 25 y.o. in my mid 50s. That poster looks every bit in her bit mid 50s. And why wouldn't she? (Probably looks a bit older in real life without the filters and make up.)

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Yeah this pisses me off too. I keep my hair blonde - and dye it every 2 months to keep the 10-15% of grey at bay BECAUSE I WANT TO. It's got fuck-all to do with 'The Patriarchy' or what anyone does or doesn't say. DH doesn't care either way, but even if he wanted me to let the grey go through - whilst I respect his views - it would be a NO.

I'm having to let my hair go grey at the moment because I had a reaction from a patch test. I felt really miserable about it at first although mostly because I wanted to choose when to stop.

Anyway, I'm not that far in but have been experimenting with using dry shampoo with colour to tone down the obvious contrast. I think it does a reasonable job but it's still very much an experiment. Also it helps to spray on before cleansing my face as I'm finding it tricky to not get the colour on my face.

Another vote for dying it, especially if you're unhappy.

If you're thinking about it all the time, remember you could have dyed it in a fraction of that wasted time.

I’m very relaxed about ageing but life is too short for grey hair imo. You have a young looking face I’d go back to the bottle personally.

My hair grows fast too so I do my own roots in between hairdressing sessions, I also use L’Oréal hair mascara to hide tiny greys - really handy.

It's very much a personal choice . Some people embrace going grey and stopping the hassle and expense of dyeing .
Others go lighter - have highlights and lowlights etc . I think very few people suit very dark hair as they age as skin tone etc changes and for most of us it is ageing . There are a few people who are still naturally dark at a later age but they are in the minority .

I don't think you need to go the expense of getting your hair professionally dyed every 10 days unless this is something that you want to do and money is not an object .
My advice would be to get to a good colourist - not all hairdressers are experts in colour but could be amazing at cutting etc .See what they suggest . I think you should aim for top ups every six to 8 weeks .
There are great products on the market now for hiding the in between stage . I use the colour wow products - the hair powder . although there isn't a great range of
colours and I know others use the spray in products you may have to experiment what works best for your colouring .With the powders they usually last until my next wash and they don't come out . The only difficulty is trying to hide roots when en route to the hairdressers . I usually use a hat / slightly easier in the colder weather .

I would also have a look at celebrities etc who are about the same age as you and have similar colouring and google for images and check out their hair colours and what you like . This might help you when you go to the hairdresser and they can see what you like and what might work for you . With the best will in the world what works on a 20 year old actress may not look as great if you are 20 plus year older . So you need to be realistic .

I've felt so free since going grey several years ago (mid 40s). I'd been dyeing since mid 20s and had enough. It depressed me every morning to see those little white roots and not being able to put my hair up because then they were really noticeable; all the time it took to dye the roots over and over. The constant feeling of "I need to dye to my hair... It looks awful."

So perhaps you are looking back with rose tinted specs. The reality of constantly feeling embarrassed of roots and looking for time/ motivation to dye it AGAIN. That's the feeling I love not feeling anymore.

Really related to your post op! Btw I think you look gorgeous and hair complements your skin beautifully
Also stopped dying about 5 years ago but hair not grey enough if u get me
Yesterday. Yesterday! I bought a josh wood brunette colour gloss. It's worked really well and doesn't cover all the greys ( it's not supposed to) but covered a lot more than I expected. My hair looks shiny and healthy. It will only last 6 washes at most but this might be something you could try without committing to a full on dye

So do you dye your eyebrows or is that eyebrow pencil?
Are your eyebrows grey?

I dye my hair, I’m mid 60’s.
I have a good friend who’s gone grey, her hair is lovely but I prefer to dye mine.
Whatever anyone else does is up to them.
My dm dyed her hair until she was 80’s.
Her reasoning was if people saw a grey haired older lady they may mug them as an easier target. 😂

@Foundanotherwrinkle

I like your hair

I've mainly stopped dying since lockdown. If I look older so be it

Yes that's how I felt

It was such a chore

I am quite lazy about skin care and make up. I do dye my hair though because I don’t like grey.
I don’t like grey carpets, walls, kitchens or cars.
And I especially don’t like grey hair.
Very few people look nice with grey hair, it’s a fact.

I think your hair looks great, it really suits your style. It also doesn’t age you at all, I’d put you around 48 - 50.

some people suit grey/ white and some don’t. The muddy dull salt and pepper would not look as smart as the pics of the black and silvery grey mix.
Also a pale pink complexion doesn’t look as good with grey/silver a a tanned face.
Everyone’s different.

I let the grey and white take over in my 40s. My hair is lovely and people often ask who dyes it for me, the are shocked when i say it's just how it is. I think older women with dyed hair looks as sad as middle aged women with wrinkles and perky boobs after a boob job, they are not kidding anyone.

My hair is dark brown and I probably have a similar amount of grey op (I'm 38 😭) I didn't dye it for a long time but eventually cracked....

I've been doing it at home with a semi permanent in medium brown (Nice n easy). The grey hairs stay slightly lighter than my natural colour so there's some variation and it doesn't look as flat. It also washes out so the roots don't show as much, it kind of fades in. It's much easier than having to deal with a harsh line of grey, doesn't cost £££ and I feel like I don't have to do it as often

Does going lighter damage the hair more than using a dark colour?

It’s difficult OP. I’m probably also about 30% grey mainly at the front and I’m 33. My natural colour is mid brown I get balayage, with more highlights around my face which blends the greys. It doesn’t entirely hide them but they are less noticeable.

I probably get it done 3 times a year. I wanted to go lighter as my mum also went grey young with a similar hair colour to me but she chose to go much darker the cover the grey and it really washed her out. She was dying her hair dark brown/black every couple of weeks for years and took ages to get it out. She now actively dyes her hair silver and looks amazing.

I don't believe so.

I have been dyeing mine a shade lighter than my natural colour for years, and my hair is in good condition still.

It’s a privilege to get old. I find our attitude to grey funny and wished we could all embrace it more.

if it makes you miserable, dye it. Your over thinking it

Quoted wrong post.

Sarah Harris, the vogue editor looks amazing with grey hair! Is it an overall styling thing? I don’t just mean the hairstyle but the clothes, make up etc as well? I have quite a bit of grey on my hair but I’m not bothered about it tbh… Maybe I should be 😅 appreciate Sarah harris is very pretty and slim xx

Dye it! I was all noble about embracing the grey etc but realised it was making me look awful and making me bloody miserable! My grey is horrible - and half lank brown so not even proper grey!