I stopped dyeing my hair in 2021… but it makes me utterly miserable. Should I stick it out or dye it again?

[Greyyyybeornot]

I am about 30-40% grey, all the front of my head. I stopped dyeing it in 2021 because the dyeing every 10 days was driving me crazy. And I also wanted to normalise going grey.

(I’m 45, for context.)

Anyway, I think about my hair NON STOP. I hate having grey hair. It makes me feel so old and ugly. I want to not be ageist and like it , but I’m finding it hard.

I also really don’t want to go back to dyeing it every two weeks and those tiny silver roots looked awful.

What would you all advise?

How to I either come to terms with being grey at 45? Or do I just go dark brown again?

Help!!! It’s really bothering me. I think about it nonstop. I’m sometimes surprised by my reflection / photos of me (and not in a good way).

At one point, the hairdresser gave me highlights which made me blondish, which also didn’t feel like “me”.

I miss my almost-black hair. It felt part of my identity for so long!

Anyone been through the same?

I love her hair. It's striking. She was my inspiration when I had chemotherapy. I decided not to cold cap and hoped my hair would grow back a similar colour. I've been going grey since my late teens, and took the opportunity of the pandemic to stop dyeing it. Having lost all my hair, it's 50% salt and pepper, with the other 50% a similar colour as Harris'. I can't wait for the rest of my hair to catch up!

@Greyyyybeornot you need to find a shade that works better for you. Don’t be miserable, you only have one life.

I’ve dyed my hair for 20+ years, gone from dark browns, through dark blonde and am now a lighter blonde. As I think I’m going grey, I find my roots show less if I get the right blonde shade.

Occasionally it goes a little awry because the manufacturers change colours and you have to experiment a bit. But I am still not grey and all the happier for it.

Im 50 and had very dark brown hair all my life.. In January i started the very gradual process of going blonde...I am now very blonde and I love it...I wish id done it years ago.

I gave up having my hair coloured about three years ago and don’t regret it. I am a mix of grey and light brown at the front and nondescript brown at the back. I decided because I couldn’t find a colour I felt worked for my skin tone, it was expensive to have done and I was struggling with other changes to my appearance due to a health condition. My hair was quite long after lockdown so I had it cut quite short so the transition was quite quick.
We are all different, we each do what works for us, for me I like the honesty of being me as I am.
I

Ooh interesting..

No, not specifically.

I tried to "embrace" my grey. Inspired by loads of pictures online. But mine looked awful and aged me so much. I am now getting it dyed professionally and so glad. Do what YOU want to do

I am all for owning your own style, doing what you want and sod everyone. So, this is just a personal opinion and ignore it if you wish.

After a certain age, nothing ages you more than dyed grey hair, whether it is clinging on to your colour of youth or going for that ashy blond look that so many use to blend in grey. While you are focussing on your hair colour, your skin colour and you face contours are changing so even if you pay a fortune for highlights, etc, it is still obvious because everyone knows after a certain age we all go grey.

One of my big regrets is that I coloured my hair for so long. I love my grey hair. There is loads of stuff on the market now that can really make it glow.

I also went from brunette to blonde, during lockdown. Much easier to maintain and much less aging on me than grey would be. I colour it every couple of months now.

I’m not a fan of long grey hair personally. I find it very aging and “witchy”.

I think you have made a good point about the texture of grey hair.
The colour was OK but the texture is just horrible when grey.
Nothing I did helped, conditioners, mouses , products , it was so frizzy .
I just looked so tired and drab with grey hair
I am naturally Ash brown and very cool toned so it's dyed a cool Ash blonde.
Go every 4 weeks roots and its lightly combed through
Lovely swishy hair

OP I am in a similar boat to you and have also posted a thread about the same thing.

I feel stuck as I'm just over a year dye free. I don't love it but wouldn't say I hated it. But I do keep thinking about it! I keep looking up box dye in different colours, checking the shops every time I'm in but don't buy it. I'm fine for a week or so then either catch sight of myself or someone makes a comment then I'm back to doubting it!

For me it was purely to get my hair back to nice condition which it is now so I am not sure what to do.

Initially I said I'd have a year break from the dye.

I have a cool Ash blonde.
It looks much nicer than when it was grey.
I felt I had been dimmed with grey hair.
All the sneery remarks about coloured hair are probably thinking about old fashioned box dyes.
Mine is colored professionally and its natural and works with my skin tone.
I looked ill with grey hair.
I think it's to do with whether you have contrast in your hair, skin and features.

Thanks for sharing 😊 honestly I am quite jealous of her hair, and I think she’d still look fab brunette (I believe that’s her natural hair colour) but no way near as striking as she is and she definitely doesn’t look old! Makes me feel a bit more relaxed about the few greys I see in my hair and about the inevitable phase of when I’ll end up being completely grey!

I am naturally mousey brown blonde and the greys coming through in my hair are also at the front and top, and have been for years (I'm 52).
I stopped dying my hair for about two years until all the dye had been grown out, just so I could see what I had. I then redyed it as I felt it made me look really washed out. I went for a colour quite close to my natural hair colour, but a bit warmer but have realised that's not quite right for me so have gone for a more ash blonde. It's actually a loreal box dye nordic blonde one but really doesn't go as blonde as on the box. Sadly, because it's lighter than my natural hair colour the roots are showing badly, which my previous one didn't show as badly.
I would love to just embrace the grey, and will do when it's more than what I currently have.

Your hair is fabulous!! It really suits you.

Op if you really hate it that much then dye it. It's perfectly fine to do what you want with your own hair.

I dye my hair - not to look younger or feel embarrassed about it - I just don’t like the type of grey hair and the way it curls and sticks up like a halo around my face. I don’t overly do it just enough to keep on top of it. It’s a choice that I make for me! Can’t really hide my age my face, neck and hands give that away!

My SiL rocks her grey the way it has grown through is lovely. My best friend completely embraced the grey! Hopefully once it’s more white and spread through the hair I may try and different cut to embrace it through- for now I’m happy to dye it.

I feel I can totally relate to this except I was a dark brunette originally but now I've seen what I've got I'm more a lighter brown blonde with some grey and some white at the top and sides. I wanted to grow it all out to see but now I'm thinking of dyeing it again, and that's OK!

And I also wanted to normalise going grey

Stop making yourself miserable. You're one person, what you do won't change beauty standards or fix the patriarchy.

Honestly you're a very attractive woman but the grey is aging you...I won't lie.

How do you know the OP is a very attractive woman etc etc - she hasn't posted a photo! 🤦‍♀️

Exactly. Those photos at the beginning of the thread are not of the OP.

But why feel the need to normalise going grey ? You’ve tried it, lived with it for a while and now don’t like it. Do colour it again. You do you. If others prefer the natural grey look, then good for them.

If we are not to care about how we look, then we’d all be wearing sacks.

"Grey hair makes you look older". And? What's wrong with looking older? The internalised ageism and misogyny on this thread is so sad. Getting older is an honour.

I know - I pointed this out yesterday afternoon 😆.

I do find it frustrating how other women are quick judge other women. There are those who dye their hair who judge those who don't/go grey, and those who go grey and judge those who dye. It's crazy. Such a waste of time. No-one ever questions men who choose to go grey. But then again, they're silver foxes. Sigh. But, this has been my experience.

I am in my 40s, and those who are most resistant to my determination to stay silver grey/not dye are those old ladies I know who all still dye their hair. Not only of these women looks younger, they all look their age, only with dyed hair. I used to have a colleague who was in her early sixties. She was going grey and looked good. Recently, I bumped into her in the supermarket and was taken aback but how much she had suddenly aged. I then realised she'd dyed her hair a darker colour. I feel strongly that most women who dye their grey/go blonde to cover it are a little deluded if they think it makes them look younger. It really does not. All it really does it draw attention to the fact you're dyeing your hair.

Going grey is absolutely a personal choice. I do wish it was more normalised for women and I think that as women, we should be far more supportive of those whom choose to go grey rather than telling them they look old/it ages them. For many who do choose to go grey, if they're looking old(er), it's usually because they haven't updated their make-up and/or colours and clothes they wear.

And that takes me back to Sarah Harris. Harris went grey in her teens. I think it really suits her and am delighted she has never darkened it. I also think it sets her apart. It most certainly doesn't age her. I find it weird when some say it looks terrible, it really does not. Ruth Chapman is another who embraced her grey in her early 40s and looks amazing. I knew her when she still highlighted her hair so it looked more blonde. She's far more arresting with the silver.