I need a Miracle

[Kneehighinnappies]

Swimsuit
It has to do the following things:

A) hold my looooooose skin on my tum in, or make it seem invisable

B) Yoink my boobs up to an exceptable level (in other words above my belly button)

C) hold my flabby arse in place and maybe if there is a god make it look smaller?

D) not look like something that my mother or grandmother would wear, after all I am 27 not 77.

Size? Budget?

(sorry, that was a bit brusque).

size 10 to 12, don't care about the budget as long as it does all of the things I said below.

WHATTTTTTT there is no such thing.
Where the hell is COD to advise me!

Sorry - had to go off and collect DS. The Miraclesuite is supposed to be fab, but v expensive (I think ebay is supposed to be the best place to buy them). Littlewoods have some nice-ish looking ones in their 'shapewear' section, including a couple of the less interesting looking Miraclesuits. If you're a d-cup and over, Bravissimo does bra-sized ones that are supposed to be good too.
Figleaves has a fair few of the Miraclesuits.
Oh, and if your on a real budget, Littlewoods are worth a look, though I'm not sure how much they'll have at this time of year - possibly a bit of a limited selection.

(sorry - the last bit meant BHS, not Littlewoods).

dull as they are, the Land's End 'Slendersuit' ones are pretty good - one reduced here (remember they are US sizes)