to ask you what I should wear and for general moral support?

[mynameisIvy]

I'm going speed dating... no big deal, right? Well, for me it is. I've not dated for three years after coming out of a relationship that was sexually abusive. I haven't dated since, and am choosing to go speed dating with one of my male friends. Does anyone have any moral support they can offer? I'm nervous but excited... also going to head in to town and pick up an outfit. I'm quite tall so ideally no heels, big boobs that I unashamedly like to show off, but also a mum tum that I don't! Size 12-14 if that helps.... I'm SO nervous but will be happy if I feel sexy. Help!

Just realised I should probably have posted elsewhere. AIBU not always the kindest. Will report to MN.

@mynameisIvy

Just realised I should probably have posted elsewhere. AIBU not always the kindest. Will report to MN.

Style and Beauty will have good outfit recommendations! Best of luck

No one is going to be unkind to someone who has been sexually abused.

Good luck on your dates!

@Cuntness

No one is going to be unkind to someone who has been sexually abused.

Good luck on your dates!

However being abused makes you feel like everyone will be unkind to you. Thank you x

I would wear something I feel confident to wear so I could stay focused and not worry about my clothes. I would be reluctant to go for the whole new outfit.
I also have tummy “issue” and often wear jeans for this reason as I feel they make me slimmer and then I feel better and more relaxed in conversation ( mine is not speed dating but it’s just general approach). Good luck!

Wear clothing that makes you feel confident and that your comfortable in.

@Hankunamatata

Wear clothing that makes you feel confident and that your comfortable in.

That would pretty much consist of dungarees and a crop top and I can't help but feel I'd be underdressed! I have no datey clothes at all but struggling as high st shopping is pretty much non existent round here...

I'd LOVE to do speed dating - am married though, so not able to! 😆 What questions are you going to ask? 🙂

Jeans, but dress them up. With a nice top, earrings, a great bag, something with a slight heal, fabulous hair, bright coloured lipstick, some great makeup and a leather jacket or something fluffy like this...

I'm also a big fan of the midi skirt and jumper look...

@Horsemad

I'd LOVE to do speed dating - am married though, so not able to! 😆 What questions are you going to ask? 🙂

I have no idea!!! Do I need to plan? Oh fuck I'm so unprepared 😅

Another vote for jeans - with a lovely V-neck top. Monsoon have some nice tops and jumpers. www.monsoon.co.uk/womens/womens-clothing/tops/
www.monsoon.co.uk/heat-seal-star-v-neck-jumper-blue-24390361.html
Good luck - hope you have fun!

TheLastLonelyBakedBean I love that jacket, where's it from?

Speed dating sounds like a lot of fun. So try and have fun with it. I know it can be really hard to open yourself up to the idea of dating again following sexual trauma, it is so anxiety provoking and big and scary. But see this as a practice, try to just go with it and if it doesn't pan out it will be a great memory and thing to laugh about with your friend afterwards. I would wear something you feel comfortable in, but also fabulous. Even if it's a bit 'scruffy' or casual if it's you go with it. I would avoid getting a hair cut or colour change just beforehand, but if you can afford to get a professional blow dry, curls or an up-do done in a salon that might elevate dungas so you can wear them? Or if nails are more your thing, a DIY or professional manicure can make you feel great. Personally I feel about 10x better when I've had my eyebrows professionally done and have bleached my tache

This is a massive step forward, so well done for putting yourself out there. I hope you have a great night.

@traintraveller

TheLastLonelyBakedBean I love that jacket, where's it from?

I'm not sure sorry. Just off google search. If I find it I'll let you know I really want it! If you find it can you let me know too?

TheLastLonelyBakedBean

www.pellobello.com/product/fluffy-fur-fever-jacket-midnight-blue/

Speed dating sounds like fun! Will you be sitting or standing? I'm just thinking comfy footwear if standing.. and not too tight of a waistband if sitting for ages.

If you are already nervous, which is understandable, go for something simple. Maybe get your hair done instead as having a good hair do will make even a plain top and jeans look more groomed!

This is just the 'shop window' not the 'for ever after application and cv'. So maybe try something comfortable and also that makes real attraction.
If you like your boobs and display tastefully but display never the less, nothing south of your ribcage will be noticed in the time limit. Why Would it?

You are there for fun.

Thank you @braintraveller

Traintraveller I mean 🤣

For big boobs and to hide a tummy i would always go wrap dress. You can wear biker boots or trainers with opaque tights to dress it back down a bit, but there's some great dresses around. What's your colouring and I'll see if I can find something.? I love wrap dresses and always feel good in them. Especially in a nice thick pair of tights to reassure me I won't knicker flash! (Also good for holding tummy in!)