I need a black dress that's not too short and that has longish sleeves and that's not too =pricey

[IntergalacticWalrus]

As my manager would say, it's a Big Ask

Does such a dress exist?

I'm a bit porky (well, more than just a bit) and I have 2 parties to go to in the next few weeks (MN one and posh work xams do)

I need to have my arms covered. They are like badly stuffed chipolatas

the tie thing at the waist would swish over any lumps and bumps you may have (and we all have)

oh, I see you said black

black smlack, go for a different colour

off out to lunch now and to brave the monsoon rain, grrrr, I will be back

How about this?

Or this?

If we did the Saturday, you could rop DD hare and DP could be childminder

Quite like black M&S oner, but would needd to tray it - might make mty shoulders look v wide.

wide shoulders are good
makes arse look small

M&S heaving with them

My shoulders aren't wide as sauch. They are brobaly quite small, but I have sucf at arms, the look wide iyswim
And nothing will make my arse look small in it's current state

its state (righue apostrophe)