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Original poster

Handbag addiction...HELP ME!!!

27 replies

bellaandolliesmum · 13/07/2007 12:51

My husband and I had a conversation recently about my handbag addiction and he told me that I was insane (in a nice way!!). I informed him that all women love bags and it is pretty typical for women to go a bit mental around a sale.
Is this true???!!!
I have four gorgeous Mulberry bags (three bought on sale), two Mulberry wallets, two Orla Kiely bags and a wallet and I just recently bought a Chloe Bay bag from the Brown's sale.

OP posts:
brimfull · 13/07/2007 12:57

can you afford this addiction?
I could easily become addited but sadly can't afford it.I would never even contemplate a mulberry bag ...way to £££.

I did get lovely bag in priciples sale which was ££ for me at £48 reduced from £70.

FluffyMummy123 · 13/07/2007 12:58

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FluffyMummy123 · 13/07/2007 12:58

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HolidayboundHorsewoman · 13/07/2007 13:05

Can't help as I love bags, too.

The OP sounds alot like my aunt who really cannot help herself. If she likes it, she buys it. You will rarely see her in the same thing twice. My problem is that I have expensive taste and limited funds. However, I am blessed (?) with an overactive guilt mechanism which kicks in if I so much as think about buying something for myself. My sister is the same, and our youngest sister calls us 'shopping bullimics' i.e we buy one day, guilt trip, then return the item.

Shopping can be an addiction just like anything can. I used to spend way too much, until we hit a very lean time that lasted for a year (DH's employers were going skint, and he often didn't get paid - caused millions of problems). There's nothing like a financial crisis to make you examine your habits and reform your character. I swear, I am almost afraid to spend money these days, in case it dries up again.

yorkshirepudding · 13/07/2007 13:06

Message withdrawn

Tutter · 13/07/2007 13:07

methinks you are not going to win most popular mner of the week award with yoru handbga musings...

frogs · 13/07/2007 13:09

You're barking. Pay your mortgage off instead.

MrsBadger · 13/07/2007 13:17

What are you trying to achieve when you buy things?
It sounds like it's gone beyond the reasonable and rational doctrine of working hard to earn money and deserving to buy the odd nice thing with it.

Do you want people to (eg) say 'Oh gosh, that woman has the Chloe Bay bag, she must be really cool / stylish / rich / successful'?

Or are you buying a lifestyle - (and this is my downfall) the thought that by buying something from (eg) Boden will make your children as blonde / life as carefree / ankles as thin as those of the women in the catalogue?

Or is it a complusion that something is missing somewhere and getting that 'must have' item will make everything complete?

In some ways it's less about the money (though that is an issue) than about the act of shopping itself - buying seven handbags in a weekend is just as weird whether they're £5 market ones or £500 Mulberrys.

If it's making you unhappy (which it is) and if people close to you are worried (which they are), it does sound like you need a bit of help...

Original poster
bellaandolliesmum · 13/07/2007 13:20

OKAY!
My point was not to smugly say what I have.
I don't need any of these things and it makes me really worry about my mental state. Sometimes I am sick afterwards.
Also, part of my point was that I can buy the same things for much less. And who really cares what I have anyway??
Of course I cannot afford it. Of course I cannot!!!
If I am at risk of being unpopular then I certainly came to the wrong place for advice...

OP posts:
Original poster
bellaandolliesmum · 13/07/2007 13:23

And I will add that the first expensive bag I bought was 3 years ago and I saved for six months for it. I buy maybe two bags a year, I just never throw them away.

OP posts:
brimfull · 13/07/2007 13:26

2 bags a yr is not an addiction is it?

MrsBadger · 13/07/2007 13:32

Okay, so how is everything else apart from the shopping?

Stressful job? DH away too much?

Is the shopping valuable me-time where for an hour or two you get to walk on air in Bond St before schlepping home to wailing kids and undone ironing? (this is my main joy of shopping - looking at pretty things without anyone wiping their nose on my sleeve / demanding data for clients before it's been generated / looking eloquently wounded whan I suggest that stuff won't get washed if it's not put in the laundry basket etc)

jackie2kids · 13/07/2007 13:35

bella, people have been unfair and missunderstood you.

Mrs Badger had good advice.

You are not alone. Lots of people are in the same boat (ie buying things they don't need), the cost of the items is not the point.

Try buying nothing but food for a while (I think there's a thred like this in environment bit).

Or read 'Affluenza@ by Oliver James. Makes you think.

Good luck.

EmilyDavidson · 13/07/2007 14:01

Why dont you sell some of them ? Maybe sell half of them ?

.....and use the cash to buy another one.

I'm rather a handbag lover myself but not such expensive ones.
If you only buy two year I dont think thats excessive.

perhaps you dont need to stop buying handbags ,perhaps you just need to stop feeling guilty about it

Original poster
bellaandolliesmum · 13/07/2007 14:29

Maybe I have a void in my life that I am filling up with stuff!!

At the risk of sounding smug: I have beautiful children and an adoring, wonderful husband. I have a nice, IKEA decorated, average size home.
This is not about not appreciating those things.
I live thousands of miles from my family and have only a few close friends who are all usually just as busy as I am. My part-time job is okay, but is in no way what I hoped to be doing when I left university. I am a bit bored and dissatisfied with my life, it's true.
It is possible that my shopping might be in response to people I work with and certain friends. A friend bought a FENDI bag for £1200 the day I walked out with my Chloe bag marked down to £400. I would have spoken to her about this issue, but she is childless and has a great job and can afford to splash out as often as she likes.
Also, it takes just one person to say that they like something I am wearing to make my day. So it even seems like a challenge at times to find newer and better things.
Maybe it stems from not feeling good enough about myself. I think I am attractive and have never felt that my looks have been an issue.
I am not sure what it is.

Not that this is going to come out making any sense. I have had to re-type what I wanted to say so many times for fear of saying something that one of you may find offensive, that it is all just a mess.

I have had a few tears over this this lunchtime and that bothers me as well.

Thanks to those of you who have had practical advice.

OP posts:
moopymoo · 13/07/2007 15:22

Sorry people were a bit harsh. It does sound like this is a bit of a problem for you and that you are trying to fill a gap. new stuff gives a quick buzz that can be addictive. but you have spotted that your reaction t oit is not particularly healthy. some counselling migth help, cbt could help you hook into that feeling and find it in other ways. something like going back to studying, a different more challenging job, volunteering. hth

MrsBadger · 13/07/2007 15:24

aha we strike at the root of the problem
(and well done for coming back in the face of derision)
Sometimes just thinking about why it happens can help a bit, and I bet the memory of this thread will give you pause next time you hit the dept stores.

Rather than going for mainstream must-have items that people will comment on because they've all seen them in a magazine, how about being a bit more devious and/or eclectic in your shopping? Think of the smug points when someone admires your scarf / bag / top and you can smile sweetly and say 'Oh, thank you, how nice of you to notice' safe in the knowledge it was £10 in H&M / £3 in Primark / 50p in Cancer Research etc.
On a really dull and practical note, stopping reading the kind of magazines that feature expensive bags will help too (I wouldn't recognise a Chloe Bay if you dropped one on my toe )

On the 'bored and dissatisfied' note, is there anything that you've always loved doing or always wanted to try?
The £900 Boden bill (for example) would pay for a year of watercolour classes, or scuba lessons, or Arabic, or membership of a really swanky gym, or even start you off on an OU degree in literature or art history...

And whatever you do, keep coming back to MN - we need more style gurus about now we're in the thick of the wedding season. Might suggest a name change though - being defined by your kids is never a good place to start

florenceuk · 13/07/2007 16:08

I think some of it is about just enjoying shopping. I did very little for ages and then when DD was two finally got rid of maternity bra and bought a new wardrobe. I changed my childcare arrangements so that I had more time to shop on the way home (not the reason I changed them, just the result). Since then I find I buy something virtually every week, even if it is small, like a £3 vest. And I buy all the fashion mags and just generally think a lot more about what I am wearing. Mind you, as I have an H&M habit rather than a Mulberry one it is a bit smaller in £££. Also I don't go into places like Selfridges or Browns because I just don't think it's worth it - Jigsaw is as posh as I get. Maybe you need a hobby where you can still shop but it's cheaper - knitting is good!

florenceuk · 13/07/2007 16:17

Actually I think when Nigel Slater went on a diet he wrote down everything he ate and it helped him to cut down. Maybe you could start by recording everything you buy? What did you buy this week? Put it on here so we can make rude comments

PinkMartini · 13/07/2007 16:28

Mrs Badger you are very wise.

Florence interesting about Nigel Slater - where did he say that?

And to the OP as someone who has a couple of (salebought) "classic" and "recognisable" Mulberry bags and they're getting all too popular despite the hefty price tag. So maybe en even better time to find an H&M/New Look habit.

And do change your name - you're also possibly quite recognisable with that name.
What about PhoebeBayswater or something?

Original poster
bellaandolliesmum · 13/07/2007 18:15

I do have a Primark coat which I love and wear everyday!
I have discussed this at length with my dh and he I feel much better. I am going to start having lunch in the park this summer instead of hitting the shops with workmates (who are more seriously fashion addicted than I will ever be). Rainy lunchtimes can be spent in the pub! ;)
Changing my name is probably a great idea, thanks for the advice.

OP posts:
FluffyMummy123 · 13/07/2007 18:39

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lizandlulu · 14/07/2007 15:56

i think you are all being a little harsh on bellaandholliesmum. lots of women love shopping and buying things, and as long as you can afford it and work for your money, i see no problem. i have an extensuve collection of bags, and they are my reward for working so hard!! my bills get paid and my child wants for nothing and it sounds like she is the same. each for their own, if you ask me.

RubyRioja · 14/07/2007 16:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jenk1 · 14/07/2007 16:27

hello bellaandollies mum.
well done for being brave enough to admit that you have a problem and seeking advice.
sorry people have been harsh with you, there is no need for it.
i know a lady who used to be like you describe yourself as being.
she got into a lot of debt and she eventually went for counselling, she found that there was an underlying cause for her spending which was that she was needing to fill a void in her life.
some good advice she was given was whenever she felt the need/urge to spend to go on a website say M&S and to put things in her basket and then to look at the things in her basket and see them for what they really were, just items and then to empty her basket.
she would go on many different sites and fill her shopping basket and then empty it, she said it gave her a good feeling and eventually she found that she didnt need to do it as much.
she is no longer a shopaholic, but she did tell me that if she hadnt got professional help she could have got into that much debt that she could have lost her house.
dont know if this would work for you but anything is worth a try.
HTH
jen
x

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