Search completed. It only took a decade or two but I've finally found a pair of jeans that fit like a glove and feel as soft as a newborn, whilst letting you move freely without worrying that your bum will be smiling at every man and his dog.
I give you Next 360 super skinny jeans. I'm still three sizes up from two pregnancies and these look great, even on my ample frame 
I will definitely be getting another pair.