Accepting my size and making the best of myself - why doesn't it work for me?

[CambridgeBlue]

I've tried endless diets over the years, some have worked and some haven't. I'm currently a size 14 creeping towards 16. My life is quite hectic just now and I don't feel I've got the time to commit to another diet plan (all that counting/weighing etc) so I'm doing my best to eat healthily, get some exercise but most of all accept myself as I am.

Trouble is I can't pull it off. I see women much larger than I am who look fantastic but it doesn't seem to work with me. I'm not very tall (5'2), have 36FF boobs and am generally quite 'soft' looking - no cheekbones for example. Most of the clothes I choose seem to emphasise my boobs or make me look pregnant :(. Dresses, which I would love to wear, make me look either matronly or like the fairy on top of the Xmas tree, possibly due to my height. Jeans can look OK but are not that comfy or good for summer. My legs are very short and stumpy so probably best kept covered anyway. Fitted clothes are more flattering but feel restrictive (and I end up with unsightly bulges) but anything looser makes me look even bigger.

I'd love some ideas for how to make the best of myself - styles to try, places to shop, anything! The way I'm presenting myself to the world is not how I want to be seen but I can't work out where I'm going wrong.

I feel your pain. Wouldn't it be great to just embrace how we are?
I am also 5ft2 with size F boobs and it can be very hard to not look a bit Barbara Windsor...

As I've got older I've embraced what suits me rather that what I would like. I am not tall and willowy and I look silly in loose floaty clothes. Fitted clothes really are the answer, in a size that fits you (forget about the label). I almost always wear a shaper vest (primark) do them.
I also find if the basics are really nice I feel better - so good bag and shoes. I wear dresses a lot as they suit and are comfortable.

Do remember that at a size 14/16 you can buy from any shop and there are an awful lot of people out there who would kill to be your size. Don't say horrible things about yourself either - it really doesn't help.

Try a session with a John Lewis personal shopper - they put me in précis petite for work which I would never have dreamed of trying but it actually looks very good as it is fitted and petite

I know you say that clothing "emphasises your boobs" but that is the bit I learnt to embrace. I wear a comfortable 34E (32 under bust 40 over bust) so I have a small back but large boobs.

I have to buy a top that fits at the back so my side seams actually run down the sides of my body and wear a stretchy material which will stretch over the boobs.

I have learnt over the years what actually looks good on me. You either have to book in with a personal shopper or pick up tops and dresses from all different styles and try it all on.

Try on shaper underwear if you are concerned about your bulges and see if it helps.

I am the same height and size as you, but small chested. I wear a lot of dresses, especially shift dresses which seems to suit me, some with a tie waist which seems to be ok (wouldn't ever wear a belt as I have a flabby tummy!). I also wear a lot of slim or straight leg trousers which suit me better than skinny or wide leg. I wear trousers with fitted or slightly floaty, but not loose blouses and tops, with boyfriend cardigans, which are longer length but don't drown me. I buy trousers from m and s, next or Wallis, which have petite lengths, I prefer Wallis at the moment as they seem to fit me better. Other then that I but clothes from fat face for casual, and usually next or primark for tops.

Oh, and I buy jeans from sainsburys, as they do a short length, are usually stretchy and fit well and are cheaper than other petite range equivalents.

If it makes you feel better I'm 2 inches shorter & 1 bra size bigger! I'm a 14 on bottom half & anything from a 14 to a 20 on top depending on style/fabric of clothing. Hate looking so dumpy, but don't think there's much short of a breast reduction that would make any difference.

I'm 4 foot 11 and have 30FF boobs. I don't particularly like my huge boobs but I've found I've had to embrace them as the only way of not looking dumpy and matronly is to really accentuate my waist. I wear dresses a lot as I find skirts and tops break up my silouette and make me look even shorter. My most flattering outfit is probably a fitted sleeveless skater style dress worn with a cropped cardigan and tights and shoes in the same colour. If you are short and wear a "column of colour" it gives a lengthening impression.

Thanks this is all great advice. I know I'm not huge but I think it's my height and shape that are the problem as much as the excess pounds - sure lots of people would love bigger boobs but I find them a right pita!

I'm pretty much the same - 14/16, 34FF & 5ft 2.

I've accepted that fashionable clothes just don't work on me & have 2 'looks' ... slim legged trousers/jeans & a stretchy top (there's no point trying to hide the boobs it just makes you look enormous) & cardigan/blazer or 50s style nipped in waist dresses (the flare balances to boobs a bit). I never wear anything bulky, high neck, collared or empire line. Fitted tops only, I've entirely given up on my dream of finding a shirt or blouse that I don't look horrendous in.

It's dull but okay - I try to focus on the positives - I have great hair, good legs & classic (!) hour-glass shape. I dream of being 5'8 & willowy though!

I have a friend with a similar shape (bit bigger than me I guess) but she is 7 inches taller ... she looks good in pretty much everything. The combination of short & big boobs is hard.

I hear you box of holes. Apart from a bit of a tummy roll I've got a pretty good hour-glass shaped body and I think I look quite good naked - unfortunately clothes, and fashionable clothes in particular, mostly do me no favours . If I was 6 inches taller life would be a lot easier

I'm a similar height and shape.

I find that loose tops (which hide my belly) with a blazer type jacket over them (shows I have a waist in there between the outsize belly and boobs) works well.

Team with jeans/ trousers/ well fitting pencil skirt.

I know it's not the trendiest look but it suits my shape.

Do you have any friends who are a similar size to you? I have a friend who wears the same clothes size as me but has a different shape (I'm taller with a mum apron and bigger boobs) On those occasions we buy something that, on reflection and a few wears, does not look as good as we hoped, we give it to the other person. Using this process I've discovered a few items and shapes that I would never have thought of buying for myself.

The 50's shape is really good for those of us with boobs.

Fitted is the way to go. What do Blazers look like on you? How about vest/blazer/jeans? You could mix it up within that as well colours/v neck , round neck etc
Accessorise- beautiful bangles/necklaces can really lift a dull outfit
Nails/hair/shoes

I know that you're not asking for advice on losing weight but I would really recommend that you look into the easy loss virtual gastric band app ( they also have other apps). It's not about weighing and counting but rather about eating mindfully.

I remember seeing stuff about it for months and pooh-poohing it for being hippie rubbish but I'm now converted and so cross with myself for wasting those months when I could've been doing it! I've lost 2 stone since beginning of May.

The bonus is that you really start to feel positive about your body and accepting of who you are. You do have to make time to listen to the hypnosis but I tend to plug in when I go to bed as I'm v busy with full on job and young kids.

elderflowergin Where do you get you're dresses from? I've tried looking everywhere for midi style dresses for an hourglass and I can't find them anywhere?

I can recommend Apricot dresses which are stocked in New Look. They are cut very short so are usually on or just above the knee on me (4 ft 11) but with lots of room in the bust. I've got about 5 of them. The sleeveless ones I wear with a cropped cardigan

Hermionne ...I have a couple of white stuff ones, a couple from fat face, sainsburys and warehouse. None of them are petite, so they rest just below or on the knee, wouldn't want them any shorter, as I wear them to work. They are all the same shape, fitted but not too much, either shift dresses or with a loose tie belt. I wear pyjama shorts (the soft cotton, loose type ones you buy as separates) underneath to stop my flabby thighs rubbing together !

I'm also short and rather more 'curvy' than I should be! My best friends are my many maxi dresses and I wear them regularly. I spend more money on getting them shortened than I'd like, but feel really good in them. I never used to wear flat shoes as I need all the height I can get- but am comfortable wearing flats with a maxi as it doesn't 'cut me off' like seperates do.
I am also a fan of Apricot - have had quite a few compliments wearing their clothes.
I find most White Stuff clothes way too long - the tunics are more like dresses on me and they often have ruching (sp?) at the back which is meant to sit on the waist but is in totally the wrong place so I end up with a strange pouch of fabric. The tops are too long as well. Likewise with Phase Eight. The dresses are such an unflattering length for me, and often too complicated to shorten due to fabric.

I'm similar shape and size as well. I'm a bit ambivalent about 50s dresses, I think it's to do with my proportions, but I have some slightly fitted shift dresses like this White stuff one and a Boden one, that have enough shape at the waist to work.

It's a nightmare at the moment with all the boxy loose tops in the shops!

Ooh I hadn't thought of Apricot but I have tried on and liked their dresses in the past, must give them another look.

I love maxi dresses but prefer plainer ones which are hard to find - those all over brightly coloured floral prints are not flattering! Plus of course you need to be able to wear a bra and most have thin straps (or none at all). That said my petite black maxi dress from DP is my fallback going out dress at this time of year. It's boring but I feel OK in it - it hides my legs, doesn't make my boobs look huge and is comfy - result!

Oh and I love the idea of 50s dresses but they just don't suit me - they make my boobs look massive, the skirts stick out over my arse and I feel like a child in fancy dress :(.

Fair play to those of you who can get away with a maxi dress - I look like a small but very voluminous ship in full sail wearing them - even petite ones