I am pig ugly and in need of a makeover

[spugglers]

Just accidently took a picture of myself on my iPhone and I look really terrible.

Triple chin, lank greasy hair, deep frown lines, sun damaged skin, a growing nose (?!), and eyes that lost their sparkle.

I'm losing weight and eating healthily so that should sort out the chin but what do I do about the rest of the mess? I really look awful. Don't really have a budget so can't botox unfortunately.

Phew - can I just say I also look hideous whenever I accidentally flip the iphone camera and catch sight of myself. It's not us, it's the phone. :)

Do you think? I look like that lady off the cooking programme (2 fat ladies).

I'm probably 30 years younger than her.

Hair - a good wash, mousse while damp, blow dried with a large round brush and back combed a little at the crown. Shine serum on the mid lengths and ends or Argan Oil to tame flyaways, minimise the appearance of split ends and add glossiness. If you can afford a trim and colour, do so.

Skin - a good concealer with a little light reflectiveness. If you have a lot of lines no matte foundation or powder and use highlighter on your cheek and brow bones to draw attention away from your lower face. A good mascara and a little eyeliner will also help.

Brows - threaded, tinted and maintained. Good brow definition is essential for a well groomed face.

Smile.

Teacoupons. Will the highlighted etc come with instructions on how to use them?

I do have my haircut and coloured but it isn't doing anything for me. Might ask the hairdresser to do something different.

Not usually. I use Benefit High Beam.and if you're unsure, do a google search. I usually dab mine on my cheekbones, down the bridge of my nosr, under my eyebrows and on my cupid's bow. Anywhere the light naturally hits.

Don't know if it lasts all day, or very long at all, but when I dab this on my forehead/various other wee lines I lose a few years in the mirror, and that is a lovely feeling

I just got new glasses so I've already lookedin the mirror lots today at the opticians and I look ok. I just went to take a photo of myself with my iphone to show dh and I look fucking awful. IT's definitely the phone camera

It has to be the iPhone ladies!! I had the same trouble when trying to take a pic for my FB profile!
I too need a makeover so am taking notes also!
I would find a 'role-model' of who's make-up/hair you think is nice & try different things.

I agree with the brows - got mine done recently after years of neglect and it has made a difference.

Mobile phone cameras tend to have a wide angle lens so they give the impression of being viewed through a peephole. Not a good look! (that would account for the nose btw)

Thank you everyone

Leaving the iPhone aside I think it is still time for a makeover. Any other ideas or tips that you could share?

Drink lots and lots of water
Get lots of sleep
Get at least some fresh air and exercise
Eat well, cut down on sugary carby things which clog up your skin no end

Then

Face

Exfoliate daily, just use a scrub like Neutrogena pink grapefruit one
Decent moisturiser that suits your skin
Decent foundation - I love Estee Lauder Doublewear
Wee bit blusher - rosy pink flattering for most
Go to a make-up counter and get them to do your eyes, try a few on different days and buy the stuff that looks best and use their tips for application.

Hair

Invest in a decent protein-based deep conditioner like Kerastase Masquintese and use it weekly.
YY to a trim and maybe try a new colour, have a look on net for a sleb whose hair you envy colourwise
Either BabyLiss Big Hair or GhDs depending on your hair type

If your hair is greasy highlights might help? What colour is your hair?

Great! Thanks.

Hair isn't greasy, it just looks greasy because it just hangs. Its an outgrown bob, dark blonde (highlights) with copper. Looks good when it has just been done but I can't seem to give it enough body even though it is actually quite thick.

Also forgot to add that my hairdryer broke a few days ago. Any recommendations?

I got a babyliss hair dryer for £13 from Tesco a few weeks ago worth a try or Amazon. Babyliss big hair did nothing for me. To get more volume I use treseme root booster, dry my roots with my head upside down then back to normal and finish drying with large round brush. It lasts all day.

Agree with the protein shampoo like Kerastase, it is magic for hair but some shape in your style might help it look better, maybe layers so it isn't just hanging.

The only thing I would say is not to exfoliate every day but twice maybe 3 times a week or you might over dry your skin which isn't a good look.

Babyliss big hair dryer is my saviour! partially dry hair first tho or it takes ages. gives you lovely shiny bouncy hair much nicer than lank straight locks. highly recommend john frieda sheer blonde shampoo and conditioner (or equivalent if you are not blonde or mousey) it makes your hair really shiny and lovely. wear brighter lipstick than usual. it always helps (along with the smile) and i agree about exfoliating.

Go buy a hair dryer from Sally's. Around the 30 quid mark and ask for one thats fast not hot so it doesnt frazzle your hair.
Think the main thing you have to realise that, like weight loss, there is no quick fix. You will need to put some time aside just for you. Its fun though(unlike weight loss)
Here is your beauty regime should you chose to accept it.

Wella Dust it is a powder that gives your hair body for in between days, it costs about £9 from Sallys and you just dust on your roots and wiggle your roots about and you will have instant volume. You need to use a clarifying shampoo once a wee with it to get rid of any residue.

GO get your brows tinted and threaded.

Exfoliate all over twice a week then slather on some moisturiser all over your body.

the next night you could use some gradual tan stuff or fake tan applied with a fake tan mitt. (I recommend Famous Dave Fake Tan Mousse from boots- comes in light as well as medium)

Invest in a good hair cut thats easy enough to do most days,

Exercise at least 3 times a week( I recommend 20 minute workout Jillian Michaels 30 day Shred as an introduction as its short enough to do most days)

One night a week file your nails short and paint them (nude or clear..or a colour if you wish) do your toes as well as you will feel more polished even in your jammies.

Go and invest in a good foundation and highlighter, What do you use at the moment.

Get up 10 Minutes earlier and spend that time putting on your make up without having to rush through it.
Good Mascara is Lancome hypnose Drama. Its 18 but make your eyes go POP!!

Have a look at your accessories and pick a few pairs of earrings that you love but hardly ever wear or indeed any nice jewellery. I find when I nice earring etc. I feel better if I catch myself in the mirror i always think "ooh they earrings are lovely" even if i look like poop.

Pop a conditioning mask on your hair once a week..

So your beauty regime consists of this- condensed
One night a week you-
Shower and Exfoliate,
Hair mask on
Slather moisturiser on.
Do nails and toes.

next night- Fake tanny thing if you so wish.

Another night exfoliate and moisturise..

Not a lot of time spent but you will feel better about yourself.

8 HOURS SLEEP!!!
Hope I havent rambled too much..

Oh and I have one more - don't drink too much alcohol. Last night I had one of my first ever no alcohol nights and I woke up feeling, well, normal great.

And finally, cheer yourself up with the recognition that it's capitalist big biz to keep women feeling crap about themselves. Feel bad, buy more, still feel bad, buy more, try and diet, spend more on diet food, eat more, feel bad, buy more.

Right, off to do my nails :)

normal i meant. Clearly I'm not.

i-phone takes horrid pics even of my gorgeous 9 year old.

It DOES make your nose look bigger, and your face rounder or summat if you take the pic too close.

Delete the pic.

Root through all your old make up and stuff, and see what you can still use.

Just wash your hair if it's greasy (no conditioner)

ehmmmm....and smile! It makes a huge difference. Then put "Crazy in love" on once or twice and shake your hips. This should make you giggle (and smile)...always works for me!