Mission Impossible........help me find an outfit and look nice for a black tie "do"?

[luvverlyday]

Ok, this is an impossible task but I need to find a dress for a black tie do and I have the following "issues"

1. Very overweight - at least a size 22, am 5ft 8ins tall
2. Very fat belly and massive bum - which I definitely need to hide
3. Horridly fat arms at the top so I can't wear sleeveless - short sleeves are just about do-able
4. The "do" is in June - no idea about weather but it's inside. Lots of dancing so I don't want a shrug as I can't hold it round my horrid arms all night.
5. I can't wear heels - I find them hellish.
6. I only ever wear black when I got out anywhere "nice". I love colour really but am too embarrassed to draw attention to myself so prefer to wear black. I also HATE patterns as I think they make me look bigger.
7. I don't have much money - maximum £100 to spend on everything.

On the good side:

I have good boobs but not small - 40 DD.
I have nice blonde, well streaked hair
I can't think of anything else.

I did say it was impossible!!..... anyone got any ideas?

Ok Collision, I think we've wasted our time here

Drink?

A shame - good suggestions from both of you anyway.

Pimms for me please with ice and lemonade

Feeling let down

Maybe the OP is outside though instead of being on the pooter!!

It is a let down isn't it?

Do you think we perhaps invest too much in these threads?

At least you appreciate us, poly...

Here, have a cream egg

Am too full for a creme egg Kristina but thanks anyway.

Just been to Prezzo and had crab cakes, calzone and cheesecake! and

I am a pig!

I'M BACK - pass the Pimms please......
Thanks so much everyone - we were unexpectedly invited away for a couple of days so didn't check MN whilst away. I'm so pleased to read all the suggestions..... just going to sit down and read them all now .... promise to come back once I've checked. I really appreciate all your thoughts! Thanks so much.....

Wahey! You're back!

You have restored my faith in humanity

Excellent - I'm also another non- high heels person, btw. But love pretty flats and the occasional wedge. Can have a think about those when you've decided on one or more possible dresses.

yay!!!

Phew! mytimeisnotwastedinstyleandbeauty

She will be back, won't she?

I just don't know anymore.......................

How could we fall for it again, Collision? How?

Is it us, OP?

Don't go!

We can change!

• I did say I'd come back!! Well, I like 3 or 4 of the dresses - am just worried about clingy material hugging to my stomach and bum - it's so hard to tell about the fabrics from the piccies. Should I send off for a selection and then send them back?? I am no longer convinced I have to wear black! I'm happy to try purple or blue I think. I'm also wondering whether "black tie" necessarily means long (presumably not since most of the dresses mentioned above were sort of mid length which I prefer). Credit card is at the ready......

You definitely don't have to wear long with black tie at most events nowadays - a 'cocktail' / smart dress with appropriate accessories is fine, in fact more usual at most such events. Having said that, maxi dresses are very much in fashion at the moment so a likely source of pretty choices - as on the earler strand started by bibibelle which I mentioned.

If it were me, I'd send off for all those I liked and return the ones I didn't choose. Let us know how you're getting on with them. Love blue and many purples myself - but you do need to see them really.

Order them as you can send them back if they dont suit.

I think that you need to be more confident about yourself! Get your hair and nails done, a spray tan, sort out proper underwear and a good fitting bra and embrace your size and who you are!

could be good

tethers - she came back

Do you like my last link? Thought it might be the 70's sleeved maxi dress you were after! Not Next!

Collision not wanting to hijack but I rather like the look of some of those Curvissa things - denim dress and skirt for example. Thanks for the link!

oi Tethers! Found you a dress!

Stop the clock!

Aw Collison, thanks I like that... have you bought from them before? Actually, fuck it, they're not next- that's good enough for me

No - just did a search fortheOPwhohasntcomeback

glad you like it!

Curvissa are definitely worth exploring - not as cheap as a lot of plus size web retailers (Yours, Evans, Simply Be, etc) - for me, that's a good thing. don't like cheap and nasty. Prefer stylishness with quality.

Have some problems with that particular dress simply because I dislike pink.