DH and my teenage son (his stepson) not getting on. Feeling really upset!

[ziopin]

Help. I/m like piggy in the middle. My DH and ds (15) are not getting on at all. DH has been there since he was 5 years old, and we have another 2 children 6 & 4.

My teenage son is a typical teenager, stroppy, always thinking about himself. I can remember being that age (I was a lot worse )

My husband was a angel as a teenager and does not understand why he behaves in this way. This is causing major conflict in the family.

I think its just a phase he's going through, and we've got to try to work through this. Any little thing that my son does, (answers back, doesnt pick the towel up) etc, my husband gets all moody, where I just let it go over my head.

What to do?

Sounds like your husband is behaving like a teenager himself. Moody is not a terribly adult way of behaving.

And can he not see that picking on every little thing is just going to make everyone's life miserable? Save the battles for things that are important.

"My teenage son is a typical teenager, stroppy, always thinking about himself."

My DSS1 (14) is like this right now. I have always got on very well with him and he has always been appreciative of me, very fond of DD etc, so there is a long history to fall back on BUT I do find him very tiresome at the moment and cannot tolerate him for very long at a stretch.

My solution is to encourage DSS1 to do as much with his friends as possible. This works quite well! If we limit the amount we see each other, there is less room for conflict and annoyance.

I'm a step-parent and i recon living with teenagers can be hard enough for birth parents, let alone someone who has had to work to build a relationship with a child. You can recognise your son's behaviour, and remember how you acted, so can empathise. You also know how your parents reacted and what worked.
If your other Dc's are all younger, and he was an easy teenager himself, he may just not understand whats normal for a difficult teenager. Maybe some research into child developement might help?
I assume they got on well before? If so, its worth reminding DH that the person you knew before the hormones kicked in will be back in a few years, but as an adult. its easier to cope if you remember that its temporary.
Maybe also its not a step-parenting thing? Some men find teenage sons difficult, an alpha male power struggle thing?

I met my dh when my dc were 11,12,14 he was brave or just didnt know what he was letting himself in for lol. This wont work for everyone but ive always disciplined my dc mind you we have own ds and its the same there too,its justs suits us...well me anyway.