aarrghh sometimes I just want to not bother.

[IamAlsoADreamerOfChocolate]

I am trying to arrange something and can't.
I talked to dss mum and explained what and when and why we needed to do it and she still said she can't give me an answer.
I know it isn't all her fault they are also having to deal with 'extended' step family things but it is just soooo frustrating being a stepfamily sometimes.
My choice we all get to do it or none and now I think we are gonna miss out
thats it just a rant really.

nope Iam the one who has to do the talking -they tend to end up rowing /arguing [I think there is still a lot of bitterness between them]

They would not even consider it.
She thinks he is always wrong and he thinks she is always wrong.
they don't say it to the child but both say it to me [and each other] and how that is why they are no longer together and that people don't change etc etc.
I dunno modern society and all that.
It is the 'norm' now to have to consider about 3 familys when kids are involved [in break ups] and you are trying to arrange stuff.
I have to accept we are not a 'conventional'family.

Why do you all have to miss out if it isn't convenient for your dss or if the dm can't give you an answer? Is the DM aware that will happen if she doesn't answer?

I live in a blended family and have to deal with the logistics of multiple diaries all the time. It is difficult and you have my sympathies.

However, I think it is wildly unrealistic to take the view "we all get to do it or none". You really do need to be more flexible than that!

What matters, anyway, is that all the children in a family get similar opportunities to one another over a lifetime, so that they don't have resentments when they grow up.

It's a holiday -and dss missed out last year ,this year we are not going, and so was trying to plan for next year -I asked which weeks dss mum would prefer I booked but she said she could not give me an answer ,that they have her dsd to consider too and that her mum is a 'pain'.
I told her that dss loved it and I wasn't trying a guilt trip but that I could really do with knowing and she said well I ,ve told you I can't help you and 'it always ends that we miss out'
and so I am stuck I don't want to put pressure on her but this trip is to my parents and we have to rent a house nad they live on a small island and there are only a couple of places to rent and beleive it or not they tend to get booked nearly a year in advance [at popular times]
And I really feel that we can't go again without him.

I think you are making your life unnecessarily difficult. You do not have to miss out on a trip to your parents because your DSS cannot make it. Book the trip and plan - if he can come along, fine, if he can't, that's fine too.

I am in complete agreement with BonsoirAnna.

But would that not seem mean to him?
It's our annual holiday it would just seem wrong.
I am sorry I know I seem to be being 'argumentative' and that is not my intention at all I just wanted to vent I know that it really can't be helped but just sometimes -you know?

thankyou tbh if you had asked me a few years ago if I would have booked a holiday so far in advance I would have looked at you like but since parents moved and it has to be said dss mum up until last year and the birth of another child was telling us when and what time even to the minute their holidays etc for the next five years were[not literally five years just trying to make a point]
And so I have just gotten in to that mindset.
I think because of the difficulties they have with her dsd mum she tends to 'take it out' on us and is forever saying that they have to make do and I kind of get the feeling that she means thats what we should dtoo ifyswim.
I just feel sad thats all I know we will ssort it

ah cross posts oh I know no-one was saying I was argumentative it is me just being supersensitive I do realise that.
like I said you know.
I think it was just one of those days.