DD 4 says DSS 6 puts his tongue in her mouth and she doesn't like it

[MrsParker]

I work weekends and dp looks after my dd 4, dss 6 and our ds 9months. i work weekends and dp looks after all 3 children.

My DD tells me tonight at bedtime that dss asks her to snog him and she doesn't want too. That he puts his tongue in her mouth and she doesn't like it.

Came down quite upset and told dp. Ended up rowing, him saying that dd kicks and pinches, That maybe dd is lying and that i always pick on dss

Not sure what to do. Feel i need to protect her. Anyone?

Well I don't think its too worrying at his age. But I'd definately talk to him and tell him how its upsetting your dd and its not acceptable behavior.

Do it regardless of what dp says but be sure that listen to dss side of the story and don't be accusatory.

the row is a different issue. it is your dp leaping to 'take his ds's side' because he feels he is being attacked, and that you are 'taking your dd's side.' i think this can happen a lot in step families, because we all feel defensive of our own dcs, but we do have to get over it and work around it.

it seems unlikely, that your dd is lying doesn't it? foremostly because i would be incredibly surprised if a 4yo knows that 'snogging' involves tongues! if your dss has not done this, and therefore your dd is lying, i think you should be much more worried and asking yourself just how come a smll girls knows that, ie if dss hasn't shown her, then who has?

tbh i'd be equally surprised to find that a 6yo boy knows that! but assuming he does, he needs to understand that it isn't acceptable behaviour. maybe when you and dp have calmed down with each other you can have another chat, and dp will agree to talk to him. after all he doesn't necessarily need 'telling off,' just enlightening about what it is and what it isn't ok to do to little girls

can you try and say something along the lines of 'i wasn't aware that dd was pinching and kicking to the extent that it is a problem, but now i am i will obviously deal with it, or we will deal with it. but, just for now, can we deal with this one issue?' so it isn't a competition about whose child is worst/best behaved?