it's been a while since i was here but i had to have a rant. DSD told us yesterday that she's pregnant. that in itself was hard to take but more shocking was that there's a need for multiple paternity tests...
i don't know whether to hug her or wring her neck! XW is in her element. she'll now have a built in babysitter (DSD's words) and DSD just where she wants her. DH is sooo disappointed cos she was supposed to be joining the army in june (her choice). she had started a hairdressing nvq and is talking about leaving cos she'd be "too affronted" to go to class while pregnant. i sooo want to tell her tough
the thing is there had been rumours going round for a few weeks and each time we put it to her she deinied it. we didn't confront her, just said have you heard these rumours, and each time she insisted it wasn't true. so when DH's friend told him that she had heard this from one of the other mums he defended her to the hilt and did the same when XW asked if he had heard what was going round. so when XW called him in from work he was shocked to say the least. it's not as if we didn't have an inkling she was having sex but we had taken her to the docs several times because she had problems with the implant and she was put on the pill. i knew she had stopped taking the 1st set cos it caused bad side effects but we believed XW when she told us she had taken her back and gotten a different prescription.
one of my friends daughters had been in the same situation at the begining of the year and DSD was really mean about her and saying that she'd never be so stupid etc. then she goes and gets into this mess.... we even spoke to her about taking better precautions because nothing is 100%. the best thing is that 1 of the potentials sneered that he might have 3-4 that he knows nothing about while another says he wants nothing to do with the situation. such fantastic choices the thing that hurts is that we feel like we've dropped the ball cos we're now finding out things that XW had been keeping from us. apparently DSD has been sexually active since she was 14 and XW knew and would let them sleep over at her house under the guise of babysitting cos that was the only time that DH would agree to give up a weekend with DSD. he thought it was a good chance for her to earn some pocket money.
Xw says that this way she knew what they were getting up to and DSD was her best friend... YOU'RE HER MOTHER NOT HER FRIEND!!!! we even thought that we were getting somewhere with XW cos there had been no fighting since we agreed that the girls could stay here, grannys or mums so long as the adults could double check that they were where they said they would be. now we find out that she was out til all hours and staying at different boys houses and XW KNEW!
DSD2(13) has now refused to go to her mums cos she won't have a room there. she was already feeling excluded there but now she has said she is moving into her grannys so that XW can't start a fight about where she's staying. not that she would notice that the child hasn't been there for the last 3wks.... i don't know what to think. she's using her maternal granny and DH's brothers death as the reason that she bed hopped but that has really turned DH against her. as he told her yesterday, it's bad enough knowing that your daughter is having sex without having half the town tell you that she's the town bike. harsh i know and i did pull him up about it but i do understand the sentiment.... there have been so many lies and it feels like we've been taken for mugs for wanting to believe in her. we're not stupid, we know she's not always truthful, but it's the level of deception that has shocked us. DH says that he feels like he did when he found out that everybody else knew about XW having affairs before he did. i don't know if he would cope better if he had been one of the first few to know but being told by someone else and knowing that everybody else knew has devastated him. it's been a shitty year and this is the cherry on top....
i'm really worried about him. he's been really depressed since his brother died and turning 40 next year was causing him to reassess his life. we've been having arguments cos he feels like he's not needed and we'd be better off without him. he has gone to see his gp and will be getting help but this has knocked him for 6. he was crying yesterday saying how stupid it was that he was upset about being a grandad at 40. our DD is only turning 2 in a few weeks. i can't think straight.....