My DH has a 9 year old DD. I have an almost 14 year old DS and a 11 year old DS. For the complete picture her mother and my DH were a brief dating situation that a child was born from. I met him when she was 8 months old.
We have been a blended family from the children being 5, 2 and 1. They all get treated equitably in our house and DH brings my DS's up as his own.
Both my DS do not have smart phones. Just a brick phone, which they got when starting high school. My older DS is at non mainstream so not having a smart phone isn't an issue at all as all the kids are at different life stages there. I was considering a smart phone for younger DS possibly later next year with the safetymode app to keep it as safe as possible from harmful online content.
However, SD who is 9 has come over the last 2 times with a smart phone. We knew her mum gave her one years ago (and just had to hope she kept it safe for her), but it never came with SD. Now, it has. Me and DH are on the same page in that we think its bloody ridiculous for a 9 year old to have a smart phone. The question is; how do we deal with it?
So far, we have discovered there are no safety features on there. She has Snapchat. She can download any app without parental permission. She's been messaging people late at night. Taking selfies in her bedroom late at night (just face). DH asked her if she had Snapchat after he had checked the phone (she didn't know he had checked it) and she said no, and then said you can see my phone, I'll go and get it. She ran upstairs and came back with the phone. She had deleted it. She eventually admitted it after DH said we had noticed a notification from her friend on there. She couldn't explain why she had deleted it and lied. This time when she came with the phone a pin code had been added. We don't yet know if she added the pin or her mum. She had also been bought a smart watch in her words "so she can see her notifications".
DH has always been considered the inferior parent by her mum, so any conversation about this will not go down well.
We aren't sure what to do. We have said absolutely no phone or watch in the bedroom at night, we have to know the pin code, and the phone isn't for taking out with her when we go out. Also, no sitting on it playing games etc. We have said she can message or call her mum, or reply to friends if they message.
But really, we just don't want the phone coming. We both agree she is too young, and the lack of parental controls on it is very worrying. DH is a primary school teacher and has had lots of horror stories to share including where the majority of his year 6 class were in a WhatsApp group and a paedophile managed to infiltrate it. These were sensible kids with caring parents. So it was quite shocking they had all been duped.
All we want to do is protect the children. If you've been in a similar situation, how did you handle it? Particulalry where the childs other parent is historically difficult.