Should my husband still take separate holidays with his daughter?

[Luxe50]

Im looking for some advice on navigating holidaying with my blended family (my step daughter is 10yrs).

We got married this June, and husband has holidayed independently with my step daughter for the last 3 years. We have been living together for 2 years.

Post wedding, he has gone on holiday with another couple and their two children (I opted not to join, as I’m not especially close to them).

Next year we have discussed going away together as a family and creating new shared experiences.

My question is would it be better for my husband to holiday with his daughter independently of our relationship, (I have a great relationship with her) - to give them this space and time together.

She lives with us 50% of the time and has an overseas summer holiday with her mum, during which we usually go away as a couple.

I’m sure of the best approach and any advice is welcome.

A bit of both , if you can afford it! Time for the two of them together and also separate time for the three of you would be ideal!

If it has no impact on your family finances or causing any issues with time off then it would be quite nice for him to go away with just her. If it does impact other things negatively then why not have the joint holiday but give them opportunities to do things that are just the two of them if that is what they are use to? Such as one of the mornings?

It’s lovely of you to think this through. I would take the lead from your husband and step daughter really. In our family my stepdaughter categorically does not want to do anything that makes her feel like a lesser part of our family.. a holiday with dad because she isn’t ‘mine’ would fall into that category. We are careful that she’s treated the same as our children together and that does mean one on one time with both of us but not a holiday just the 2 of them. Not everyone is the same though.

I think going away with her would be good in the future but if money isn’t too tight him taking her away annually, even if it’s a night or two in the uk is nice, bit of time just for them

Exactly.

If you show you're no threat to her 121 time with her father, it's far more likely you'll have a better relationship with her. And don't under value that. There are countless instances on MN of adult step daughters being a huge wedge in their fathers relationships. Having experienced this myself and ending the relationship because of it, I definitely think it's best to do whatever you can to demonstrate you support her primary and ongoing relationship with her father.

Thank you its really helpful to have these perspectives. Especially thinking of the longer term view too. At the moment finances are not too much of an obstacle. But I would like to make some shared memories with them too, so will think creatively about how to do this, based on some of the suggestions 🙏🏻

Hey @Luxe50
It's very considerate of you to be thinking of this in advance! I am a SM to a 14 year old, been in his life since he was 4.

We opt to just do whatever we can afford / whatever is the best scenario each year. Some years we have no holiday if we can't afford it. Other years we might have a few trips. In general our main vacation is a family holiday with all 3 (we now have 2 extra kids in the mix and have even brought SS best friend the past 2 years).

This year we have no big family holiday but DH & SS have done 2 European trips together (one was for a shared sporting event and the other was predominantly to a theme park).

We do however make sure that irrespective of holidays that they regularly have some 1 to 1 time just them. Last week they went away for one night doing some archery and to a war museum. Last month they went go-karting. They regularly head to the cinema together.

Yes, give them space and time together, especially if that’s their norm. Your marriage shouldn’t change that. There’s nothing worse than a step parent inserting themselves into your relationship with your parent and preventing you having any time with them alone. It changes the whole dynamic and will negatively impact their relationship. If you want to do something extra with all of you, you can suggest that to her, but it should not replace her usual time with her father and have you tagging along to that.