Struggling with jealousy with school events

[toro21]

Backstory, DP he has a 4.5 year old from a previous relationship. DSC is starting school soon so they have a lot of events coming up (around 4 before the first day).

I’m glad that they are amicable enough to do this and respect that he is a good dad but each time something comes round I become so withdrawn and down for days.

Please knock some sense into me as I feel like ending my relationship. I don’t feel that I can carry on feeling so low when each event looms and for so long afterwards.

I think some people are missing the point. It's not about good coparenting! It's the OP being actively excluded and treated as less than

He's also a single parent tho no? I think this is half the issue. It's like divorce her, but continue treating her like your wife. Treat your new partner as second best.

You do not need to "look after" your ex to be a good co parent. You can be, and model being a good man and parent without "looking after" your ex.

Honestly i wouldn't want or need "looking after" because I'm a functioning adult and would find it very weird that an ex did tbh.

>> It's like divorce her, but continue treating her like your wife.

I have always found this dynamic quite odd. If both parties want this type of relationship, did they divorce intending to stay together in all but name and just bring in “support partners?”

I think if you want to continue looking after” your Ex in a beyond-coparenting sort of way, surely this is the kind of thing that ethically, you make clear to your new partner early on so that they know someone else will always have a claim?

Because he respects her as the mother of his child.

What does this mean? I don't respect my arsehole ex despite him being the father of my child.

Yes DH always came along to school events too with my children, and vice versa. Most schools accommodate step parents

@CassandraWebb

I think when people are really entangled post split, it actually is more like an amber flag.

In all honesty, if you can get along that well, why would you split.

A few reasons are:

Bad sex/mismatched libidos
Loss of attraction
Too messy to live with
Too lazy
Bad with money
Gamer
Gambling addiction

You can still get on well as coparents, you must don't want to live and be in a relationship with them.

@9quidicecream

@IamaRevenant

· 23/06/2024 13:31
I think some people are missing the point. It's not about good coparenting! It's the OP being actively excluded and treated as less than

This child is just 4. These are the beginnings of school activities.

Some events do not require a stepparent or dad's girlfriend. Just the parents is enough.

Some of these events can be overwhelming for a young child, without a stepparent forcing their way in due to insecurities. Kids can act up and you don't need an audience for it.

A stepparent doee not need to attend these things. If it was a school performance...perhaps then they can attend.

I recall reading a thread, where the dad came along to a school classroom event with SM and his daughter started crying. The child told the teacher she didn’t want SM there and the teacher asked SM to step outside.

The dad tells the teacher his daughter likes SM and her mum is the one making her feel this way. Dad decides that if his wife can't stay in the classroom, he's leaving. SM didn't need to be there, but she didn't like him being with his ex for any reason, as she admitted feeling jealous and insecure. The SM is the one who wrote the post.

Perhaps one should think of the child in these situations and not be consumed in their own insecurities. It can be stressful if the child knows one of their parents does not want the stepparent there too. That in itself, is a good reason not to go.

In this case, it's starting out Reception stuff, for mum and dad.

The OP is not being excluded, she has no place there... and why she wants to be with this lazy, good for nothing man, who dumps his parenting on her, is a mystery.