Struggling with jealousy with school events

[toro21]

Backstory, DP he has a 4.5 year old from a previous relationship. DSC is starting school soon so they have a lot of events coming up (around 4 before the first day).

I’m glad that they are amicable enough to do this and respect that he is a good dad but each time something comes round I become so withdrawn and down for days.

Please knock some sense into me as I feel like ending my relationship. I don’t feel that I can carry on feeling so low when each event looms and for so long afterwards.

This really resonates with me. The DIY requests, financial advice & late night phone calls. I cannot even watch a programme without him being glued to the phone texting her. It is frustrating.

I often don't get to sleep in my own bed when his DC is over as I don't believe I should be sharing a bed with them.

@YeahWhateverGoAway

That sounds like a shit situation also.

I would never ask that he doesn't see his child. I did not engineer this so that he would divert his attention to me but as it stands, I'm now pregnant and think he should be at least receptive to a conversation about it.

I want to be excited about my first child, it's being tainted in that all he can do is compare it to his exes

Yes, it is unreasonable. They are the child parents, why would they sit apart at a sports day or nativity for example?
You say you're 22, and that explains it all really. You'll realise soon enough x

It sounds like he found it easy to promise you the world but now you are actually pregnant, he is regretting it. To be frank, this isn't your problem. He made his choices just like you did.
I don't think you will get past this @toro21 I couldn't do it, which is why I wouldn't be with a man with children. It already sounds like your life revolves around him, his ex and child. You are just 22, this isn't it for you. Gather some strength, leave and concentrate on building a life for you and your baby.
He of course should put his child first, but it sounds like there's a lot more going on with regards to that family unit. It will not change, he will not change.

Good luck.

Why on earth have you planned a pregnancy with this man when there have clearly been issues in the relationships for months? Sounds like you've engaged in a very silly game of pick me by getting pregnant in the hope that he will prioritize you.

Wtf? So his first child no longer matters? And why assume he'll agree to EOW? It sounds like he's a pretty active dad.

Half sibling!

And if they are half siblings they are likely to refer to themselves as just siblings

Your turn?!
Oh OP. This makes me really cross on your behalf

@MissJoGrant

He has DC EOW. He may seem like an active dad on the face of it, and I don't mean to be goady, but he does very little parenting when he does have DC.

He will say that I am hostile but I think I've just had enough. I'm cooking, cleaning, getting up with DC, reading to DC playing with DC whilst he often just ignores.

I love his child but this is so thankless. Any concern I raise is a direct attack on his parenting or lack thereof.

Sounds like he’s using you as an au pair and no doubt will do when you are on maternity leave you’ll be doing school runs for his eldest

Oh my goodness. That poor child, how do you think it would make them feel if their parents came to support them but had to sit on opposite sides of the room? 😞

You could do with some harsh truths op, because you seem to be happily ruining the lives of children for your own selfishness.
The emotional blackmail and manipulation you used with 'I'll finish with you if you spend time with your ex and child' is completely and utterly abhorrent.
It's you, you, you. I feel this, and I feel that. So what. This is a 4 year old child whose parents are trying their damndest to make sure she's ok. And you stamp your foot.
You got pregnant to trap him. That is also awful.
Grow up because you currently do not have enough emotional maturity.
Hopefully it's just hormones coupled with the fact you're 22.

The word “equal” is right there…

You have a choice to leave and not have a child.

At 22 that is a very good option.

It sounds like you're making things toxic. Baffled as to why you planned to get pregnant whilst already being immature towards their coparenting

I’ve read through your previous thread.

It does very much seem that he has assumed a much younger woman will be compliant and effectively nanny for him.

He’s not a great bloke. This is not the man you want to be having your first child with.

Why bother complicating things by going out with someone who already has DC? Surely you could meet someone who is single?

I'm twice your age and navigating a blended family life and it's so damned hard! There are so many to consider, so many practical, emotional, relationship issues to consider. It's not a life I would have dreamed of, or would have accepted at 22. It's not really a life I would wish for at 41!

And don't get me wrong when it goes well it's great! But the lows are dramaful and so challenging.

Pregnancy is not going your way settle the boundaries in your favour either. Which I'm afraid shouldn't be your objective.

His boundaries don't seem to be great and your attitude isn't great either.

The only person who can change this is you. You need to write down what you want out of a relationship, what you are willing to compromise on, you need to factor in not only your own interests but the interests of your step son and your child to be. Discuss with him your views, if he can't agree you know your answer.

At least you're not one of those step-mums that wails "I didn't know what I was getting in to". Yes you did, and now you've got pregnant. How utterly selfish.

I’m sorry OP but my honest opinion is to leave and to end this pregnancy. This is not a life.

this jealousy will consume you. Walk away. Start again in a few years with someone with no ties.

I split with my ex when my son was 2 and we coparented well until he met his now partner and mother to their child.
She made him delete and block my number and only contact her instead of him for child arrangements, she would be at the door for drop/pick ups not him and he wasn't allowed to speak to me or see me ever again and I've not seen him in over 20 years.
Our son is in his 20s now and tells me all the awful hateful things she told him about me and how he always felt in the middle and wasn't allowed to mention me to them.
It's not nice and he learnt to lie to keep everyone happy just telling everyone what they wanted to hear.
Don't mess with this kids childhood because he'll carry those memories for life.

Why are you with him and having a child if you think he's a 'performance parent' that's usually an insult?

Incredibly toxic attitude and your age is no excuse. It is good to read you have split up with him, best thing all round by the sounds of it.

It’s convenient how you’re only saying this after the majority have disagreed with you.

If he’s such a shit father, why did you bring up having a baby with him?

It doesn't sound like you like him and you aren't suited either.