DSS moving in for 3 months

[Timeandthymeagain]

We are ex pats and live overseas. DSS's mum wants to take a job in another part of the country for 3 months so she can retrain and leave DSS with us. He can walk to and from school from his mum's and ours it's a 20 minute drive each way to a bus stop. This has literally been dropped on us, as she wants to move next month. My parents are coming to stay for 6 weeks during the time she wants and we've already got trips booked (during school days) that we'd need to cancel, or me hire a car and go alone with my parents and leave DH here. Plus we'd feel pretty guilty doing anything adult only and leaving DSS at home, but I've only seen my parents once since COVID when I managed to negotiate a 'work trip' to get my back to the uk for a week. DH is travelling with work during that time too, so I'd need to negotiate flexibility with work to get him to and from school, I'm not asking my parents to get a grumpy 15 year old out of bed at 7am or be at home by 4 to collect him. We are both happy to look at any other 3 month period this year. Just not her suggested dates. Is that fair?

Is it possible that your DH stays at DSS's mum's home for 4 months to look after DSS alone? DH needs to cancel his trip and step up. You and him can separate for a bit to clear the mind. You can continue to spend time with your parents.
Best of luck OP. You deserve better.

Thanks everyone.
Today's argument was she wants to retain her full maintenance and for us to loan her a large sum of money to support her move away. 🫤

This is just getting ridiculous.
Well if you make ridiculous demands and the other person says sure no bother, you are going to continue with ridiculous demands and see how far you can push it. At least someone like her is. Is your oh bowing to this one too? Make sure none of it is your money, or your share in the event if you do decide to separate.

How ridiculous of her.

Surely that's an immediate 'no'.

That might solve the short term issue, if she can't afford to go.

You sell your home op. You take your share. And your wages. And leave them to it. He is facilitating his ex and her being an utter cunt to you all. Nowt to do with dss at all imo. She is power playing against you. And sadly she has won.
I bet your mh improves dramatically...
And awful but true imo but would you want to carry on ttc with such a man?

@Timeandthymeagain that’s a low and cruel thing to say. I have had 3 rounds of IVF so l have an insight into how you’re feeling

In your shoes l would disengage from this situation and potentially your husband. Ex seems unreasonable and bat shit. But your husband doesn’t seem to want to challenge her. Instead letting her dick moves slide 🤷‍♀️

@Timeandthymeagain

You say you want children, but the thought of having one for 3 months has turned you into a gibberish wreak.

My word - he's certainly showing you his true colours. I'm so sorry, OP. 🌹

Protect your finances OP. Quickly and quietly transfer your share of shared savings/funds into a private account in your name and password it so he can't access it. Take a good look at whether you wish to go into the future with this man. If you do decide you have no further future with him, Change who your beneficiary would be - perhaps your parents? He is allowing his Ex to make a fool of you in particular with these demands. Protect yourself. 🌹

Just when we didn't think DH and his ex can get any lower. Presumably he's planning to do this otherwise there would not have been an argument. And of course the large lump sum 'loan' will never be seen again. Does he even have the money to give her or is he asking you for it?

It's hard to see any reasons to stay at this point.

Thank you again, most of my assets bar my home are in trust. Not accessible by DH. But I'm from a legal family so feel pretty secure. The most important thing in my world, my dog she is 100% legally mine. The rest I could give or take, you can always get more money but you never get more time.
Feel hugely at peace with things weirdly tonight, I knew this wasn't just her expecting us to rearrange our lives, but to back roll her. If we won't she'll take him away again.

Wow, she’s got a nerve and your DH isn’t handling this at all well, m so sorry, OP. 💐

Re. Maintenance/the loan. One thing I would point out to your DH is that his son is 15 ( does he turn 16 this year?) and has increasing autonomy over whether he sees his Dad. At 18, he’ll have complete autonomy. So whatever his Mum threatens regarding access, she has limited ability to enforce it. If your DSS gets on a bus and comes to visit his Dad or meet him somewhere, what can she do? Ultimately, if she prevents him from seeing his Dad, she may lose him completely at 18.

What a shit. 🌸

Op sending love.
Please reconsider your marriage. Xx