Cost of living- DSC edition

[buzzbuzzybuzz]

I am annoyed. DH has decided we need to cut back on our energy use and spending. And I agree. However I suggest things like - limit all showers to 5 minutes if washing hair, 4 if not and I just get "but the DSC aren't here very often they don't use much". They do. They charge all their devices, 2 tablets, 2 phones, a smart watch. They watch netflix and "can't take it in turns" tough, 1 screen is all we need They can learn to share.

Then tonight, the final straw, I have some money put aside to take my DC out to a local attraction, nothing big, we aren't talking disney land here people, but I want to go. And I get "oh but I always wanted to take the DSC there" WELL TOUGH I want to scream, you haven't, you've had 5+ years to take them and you haven't. So either I'm taking DC by myself or you can come. I'm not paying twice the cost for the DSC.

Apologies for the slightly incoherent rant, I have tried to edit it to tidy it up a bit.

Genuinely thank you I shall feed this back to him. He likes to indulge the DSC while they are here. I completely get your point though. I will suggest he either cuts it to one screen or asks mum to pay the extra to upgrade it to two. I believe she just borrows the DSC's tablets I am not privvy to all the details of netflixgate.

Yes I think this is the way to go. A PP said I clearly don't have experience with teens and this is very much the case so thank you everyone who has helped come up with a better solution.

You’re welcome!

I think what may be fairer than asking the mother to pay the difference for the more expensive Netflix package is for your DH and the mother to split it. After all, it was your DH’s idea to get the more expensive programme. Splitting the difference would still save him money.

It really doesn’t sound like he indulges the DSC financially when they are with him going by the examples you gave, it’s just extra packs of crisps and chocolate and showers and being allowed Netflix access 2x a month and during holidays. And as his DC with you is far too young for any of these things, he’s not treating your DSC preferentially to your DC with that.

As for showers, like others I turn off the shower when lathering etc. Are your DSC actually having the water on continuously for 20+ minutes or is that just the total time of the shower? They should be allowed some privacy in there and not have to account for every minute. To be indelicate - there was a step-parenting thread recently where posters were talking about an activity that men and teenage boys do in the shower…

I’m confused by what you said about the attraction though and not wanting to pay double for the DSC. Does that mean you don’t think they should go even if their tickets paid for out of your DH’s money?

It just sounds utterly miserable. I couldn’t imagine DH pulling my kids aside and signing them out of the Netflix account (which will cost the same either way) before they left the house.

And as for the silliness about multipacks of crisps etc, that’s not what the op said. She said they have two or three snacks a day. That could be a biscuit after tea and a bag of crisps with lunch. So I don’t know why people are making out they are greedily gobbling down 20 bags of crisps each.

20+ minutes with the water on. You can hear the water system. I get what you are saying about privacy.

The attraction thing. Basically it would be cheaper to go just me DH and DC but he thinks the DSC HAVE to come. But due to their ages they'd be adults basically so it would cost more. I'm not sure they even want to go!

We are going to see a lot more divorces due to the energy crisis!

Re showers: a limit of no more than 10 minutes would be a good compromise, with asking them to not leave the water on unnecessary.

Re the attraction: I thought that was what you were saying but most PPs didn’t clock that you don’t want your DH to spend money on taking the DSCs to the attraction. That’s petty and rather mean of you in my opinion. Of course if they don’t want to come then it’s moot.

I'm sorry, but remotely logging his children out of Netflix when they leave, just incase their mum watched a tv show, is one of the most miserable things I've read on MN.

Absolutely this.

It's not just in case, it happened and caused a great deal of stress on one of the DSC in particular. It puts the dsc in an awkward position when she asks to use it.

I don't care if he wants to spend his money. What I don't expect is for him to do that then moan about the waste of money elsewhere. I don't even know what moot is.

Maybe their mum should have some proper boundaries then. The children’s father doesn’t want to be providing her with Netflix.

I think the netflix thing sounds miserable. I (RP) have a multi use netflix subscription which my children use when they're at their father's. I don't charge him for that.

Teens also eat alot. Of crap often. Just downgrade the snacks you supply if you feel it's too expensive - so own brand crisps rather than walkers. I think you're just making ridiculous points actually - it's not exactly disney dad -ing to allow your kids netflix and crisps.

No but he clearly wants to be providing his children with Netflix. So he should do that properly and in a way where the cost per use is not high. Not do it in a tight-fisted mean way where he has to log them in and out at his house - which sounds impracticable and yes, miserable, enough not to be somewhat implausible to be honest.

Turning off the shower while you lather up soap or shampoo is only a good idea if the shower is instantly the right temperature again when you turn it back on. If you have to wait two minutes for the temperature to come right then it’s a waste of water and energy and time and my skin strongly objects to having soap left on it for two minutes waiting for the shower to heat up anyway. Any savings would be quickly eaten up by needing more emollients and probably drs appointments for steriod creams.

I don't even know what moot is

it’s like a cow’s opinion, moo.

😂

Hilair!

In this context it means it's academic; the argument won't have relevance.

Just FYI not all showers can be turned on and off instantly without having to adjust the water temperature from scratch. American showers for example typically don’t have a separate on off button. It’s a big PITA to turn the water off because you waste even more water readjusting it.

Same thing with American power outlets, by the way. No on and off switch. You have to unplug something if you don’t want parasitic energy use, and eventually the outlet will become loose and dangerous.

I presume your shower is the kind with an on off switch, but I imagine if it isn’t, getting one would be a great money-saving investment.

This sounds like economising apartheid?! Either economising applies to everyone or no one. I’m sure they will cope with eating less snacks -most people including myself could do with less. Try understanding is it’s cheaper to charge things over night. I would downgrade the Netflix as they don’t “need” the more expensive one, they just want it

With regards to the attraction. Then why hasn’t he taken them?! Plus why is that your problem?

With regards to the attraction. Then why hasn’t he taken them?! Plus why is that your problem?

The OP has said that the DH wants to go all together. She thinks it's a waste of money to take the DSC. That is why it's her problem, because she wants the DH to make the DSC suffer financial consequences like her.

@DuchessDarty it was a rhetorical question, as it’s not her problem. He’s just trying to make it her problem

I meant to write “my understanding is it is cheaper to charge things overnight”. Not sure where the try came from

As regards washing hair in the shower, I did a little experiment today - for saving on hot water. I used a personal bidet type bottle over the basin to wet and rinse out. Very successful. No standing around getting cold with a wet body with the shower off - direct aim with a tiny accurate spray, and minimal water usage. Win, win

No he's not.

It sounds like the DH is also economising. He's just not restricting his kids in the way the OP would like, ie charging their phones, showers, Netflix, snacks and going to one attraction.

He chooses his log them out. He’s not willing to provide them with Netflix at their mother’s house because she has taken the piss.

It seems he’s made the decision that means Netflix is what he provides at his house only. I’m sure the SC will survive. Or their mum could get her own Netflix.

Did you miss the bit where she’s budgeted from her own personal spending money to take her DC?