Cost of living- DSC edition

[buzzbuzzybuzz]

I am annoyed. DH has decided we need to cut back on our energy use and spending. And I agree. However I suggest things like - limit all showers to 5 minutes if washing hair, 4 if not and I just get "but the DSC aren't here very often they don't use much". They do. They charge all their devices, 2 tablets, 2 phones, a smart watch. They watch netflix and "can't take it in turns" tough, 1 screen is all we need They can learn to share.

Then tonight, the final straw, I have some money put aside to take my DC out to a local attraction, nothing big, we aren't talking disney land here people, but I want to go. And I get "oh but I always wanted to take the DSC there" WELL TOUGH I want to scream, you haven't, you've had 5+ years to take them and you haven't. So either I'm taking DC by myself or you can come. I'm not paying twice the cost for the DSC.

Apologies for the slightly incoherent rant, I have tried to edit it to tidy it up a bit.

Do you think it’s fine for the SC’s mum to use a Netflix account that isn’t hers?

That depends on the relationship I think.

Also that wasn't the question. I said there was a dig and you asked me where.

This!

nobody, not a toddler, not a child, not even a dsc NEED treats.

it’s bonkers to be rolling out red carpet EOW, it should be just normal every day. And if anyone is taking 20-30 minute showers, that’s bonkers, and yes does need to stop.

it takes me less than 2mins to shower every evening. A couple of minutes longer if I’m washing my hair but that’s cos I’m a swimmer and need to clear Chlorine

most of the time the hair washing is at the leisure centre anyway

@buzzbuzzybuzz yanbu to suggest limiting showers, I’d also limit hairdryers too tbh, they inhale electricity. When I was abroad once and they had their power rationed and fines imposed for going over, we went to stay in a flat by the sea and were given strict instructions not to use air con or hairdryers

this energy crisis will eventually pass. God knows when, and it’s going to get a lot worse before it gets better but if we get into better habits now, it will help the environment in so many ways once we’re on the other side of it all.

Do people not turn off the water when they are washing their body and washing their hair?

When i shower i wet my body and hair, turn off the water, shampoo my hair, wash my body, rinse hair and body, turn off water, shampoo hair again, rinse off, turn off water, condition hair, rinse hair and shower cubicle, turn off water and get out.
Am I the only person who does this?

@buzzbuzzybuzz You didn’t respond to my question/comment about how your DSC can watch Netflix on separate screens at your house with one in a device as you only have one TV, yet are unable to access Netflix outside your house despite the DSC’s devices having the password.

Do you not let them have your Netflix password input the password for the teenagers on their device before they use if every time?

I can’t see any other way to stop them using it elsewhere.

It's quite simple. They have their own iPads they use to watch different things on Netflix at the same time.

That costs more because a subscription with Netflix that allows different viewing at the same time costs more than a standard subscription where you can only watch one thing at once.

It's something I imagine tonnes of families are cutting back on at the moment (unnecessary subscriptions) it may "only" save £6 per month as a PP said but I think that PP should count themselves lucky that only £6 a month doesn't matter to them.

OP certainly shouldn't be paying more than they can reasonably afford when they are trying to cut back, just so DSCs don't have to watch the same thing at one time.

For example we only have one games console in the house. So DSC have had to learn to share. This means one may need to find something else to do whilst the other has their time on it. Likewise, one DSC may need to find something else to do whilst their sibling watches what they want on Netflix and then vice versa when it's the others turn. Hardly a monumental hardship.

It’s clearly not that simple as you haven’t understood my point.

If I was at someone’s house only for the weekend and they told me my shower had to be four minutes or less, I would just skip it. And shower when I got back to my other place Sunday night.

The best way to defuse this is to involve the teens. Tell them you have to cut back on the snack budget a little and let them help you pick out (cheaper) stuff that they like. Let them see that everyone else in the family has cut back on a few things also.

Same thing for gaming and showers etc. Tell them you need to cut back and what are their suggestions? They might come up with something you haven’t thought of, and if they suggest it themselves they hopefully won’t feel as resentful about it.

@TryingToBeLogical purely selfishly, that’s a result. One less shower to pay for.

if the DSC are teens, they’ll know about the energy issues, I’m sure they’ll probably have other similar requests at their main residence

perhaps as you say a more collaborative approach would be effective, so to ask them what they’re doing generally to save energy at their mothers, and how can they make sure not to waste energy at their dads too.

Just a thought - how old are the children? My suggestion would be to have a family discussion about saving energy/money and ask them for their suggestions. Children form habits but they are more likely to change if they are involved in the conversation. On the whole issue of treats I totally agree with you, and that you should be able to take your toddler out to the local attraction. Also agree re netflix, although again, partly depends on age I think

Apologies duchess, I misread your comment. Been a long week.

Although maybe they logged into the teens iPads for them so they don't actually have the password to use at their mums? Although that would mean leaving their devices at their dads I guess.

But why should the OP dash in & out of the shower every time just to enable the SC to have 20 minute showers?

as for Netflix, I assume it's more having a single Netflix account v the more expensive accounts with more users?

@buzzbuzzybuzz I'd probably try to compromise here. ASK the DSC to e mindful in the shower as it's now expensive, which is what I'd do myself if things were that tight, but timing 4/5 minute showers is pretty miserable if it's not absolutely essential.

As for treats, I suppose it depends. I'd try to make the nights they're there fun movie nights or games nights (if they enjoy that
kind of thing) with snacks for everyone, except the toddler who'll probably be in bed, but toddler can have toddler treats at other times.

with the 'day out' can't DH pay for him & SC out if his spends? But if you want to take toddler on a school day, then just do it!

was it you that posted about your DH thinking the DSC shouldn't be left out when you visit your parents?

They get signed out when they leave

That wasn't meant as a dig.
I shall rephrase. We do not as their mum utilised it without paying.
She is a lovely woman who does a great job at rasing her kids but DH doesn't wish to supply her with free netflix.

Apologies duchess, I misread your comment. Been a long week.

No problem! I got the impression you may be a bit harried from your comment unthread describing the showers as 40 mins long and the packets of crisps the DSC consume as multi-pack bags. Exaggerations that made me smile; the OP said 20-30 min showers and individual bags of crisps albeit a couple of them. Typical exaggeration MN-stylee. By the end of this thread the showers may be 107 minutes long and the bags of crisps the size of that in this photo.

Although maybe they logged into the teens iPads for them so they don't actually have the password to use at their mums? Although that would mean leaving their devices at their dads I guess.

The OP/DH logging in for the teens is what I was asking. But thank you for repeating my own suggestion back at me

That would be a very impractical and strange set up with teens. But is this what you do @buzzbuzzybuzz ?

X posts, thanks for answering.

So every time they leave you/your DH supervises them signing out?

But AFAIK, they could sign back in on their devices when not at your house without you knowing!

It seems rather mealy-mouthed and to not let them use the account on their devices when they're not at yours. The charge for the Netflix subscription is the same regardless of how many times they log in. It doesn't seem very cost-conscious to only allow them to log in when they're at yours even from their own devices that the mother won't use! But as that is what you do, then yes best to go to the basic package. Not worth the costs if the DSC are only allowed to utilise the more expensive package 2x month usually.

Make sure your contraception is sorted @buzzbuzzybuzz if you’re this skint you really cannot afford any accidents

Yes someone else has already suggested this thank you and tbh without going into all the details I find this quite upsetting.

AFAIK he just signs them out remotely when they've left. I don't know the ins and outs. He has probably forgotten once or twice.

I suggest as you're worried about the cost of Netflix and budgeting generally that you learn the ins and outs. Be as detail orientated as this as you are about showers.

Because this all sounds very convoluted and ineffective and doesn't really add up. Your DH can't log out just your DSC out of Netflix, he'd have to log out all devices, including your own TV. And if the DSC/DH have saved the password on the DSC's devices then they can log in themselves. If the passwords aren't saved on the devices then your DH is manually logging in his teens each time they visit. Which again, v impractical and rather unusual when it comes to teens.

I'm sorry, but remotely logging his children out of Netflix when they leave, just incase their mum watched a tv show, is one of the most miserable things I've read on MN.

Separated parents using their children as weapons is truly bottom of the barrel behaviour.

To add: it really is a DICK move by your DH to pay for a multi user Netflix package for his sons but not yet then use it outside of being at yours. It also doesn’t support your argument that he indulges them either (let alone that he’s cost conscious and wants value for money).

It’s quite easy to arrange for the ex not to be able to use Netflix on her device:TV whilst allowing the DSC continuous access on their own devices.

The multibag pack of crisps comment was because a PP was saying it's fine for the DSC to eat more when they are there because it works out the same as what OP will have eaten that month just theirs is over the space of the EOW.

My point was, does that logic mean they can eat a multibag pack of crisps over one weekend if OPs family has that many over a month as it's only fair? It's stupid "logic".

OP could have 5 chocolate bars over the space of a month. It doesn't mean it's okay for DSC to eat 5 chocolate bars on their EOW visit.