Cost of living- DSC edition

[buzzbuzzybuzz]

I am annoyed. DH has decided we need to cut back on our energy use and spending. And I agree. However I suggest things like - limit all showers to 5 minutes if washing hair, 4 if not and I just get "but the DSC aren't here very often they don't use much". They do. They charge all their devices, 2 tablets, 2 phones, a smart watch. They watch netflix and "can't take it in turns" tough, 1 screen is all we need They can learn to share.

Then tonight, the final straw, I have some money put aside to take my DC out to a local attraction, nothing big, we aren't talking disney land here people, but I want to go. And I get "oh but I always wanted to take the DSC there" WELL TOUGH I want to scream, you haven't, you've had 5+ years to take them and you haven't. So either I'm taking DC by myself or you can come. I'm not paying twice the cost for the DSC.

Apologies for the slightly incoherent rant, I have tried to edit it to tidy it up a bit.

Hi sorry, catching up.

Examples of snacks for DSC's (all these things would be there for the whole weekend they are here) sometimes chocolate gets substituted.
Wagon wheels
Crisps - have to be skips, wotsits, can't be supermarket boooooring crisps.
Kit Kat chunky
Pretzels
Bagels
Cheese dipper things
Corner yoghurt
Pot Noodles/mugshot things in specific flavours no subs.
Microwave mini pizzas

Examples of snacks for DC
Carrot sticks
Raisins
Banana
Apple with peanut butter
Breadsticks (probably the favourite)
Fromage frais
some of those cakes shaped like a Teddy bear - maybe 1 or 2 a week.

baths for DC 2-3 times a week depending on nursery activities. Shallow.

Anyhow - we're going with the here's a snack budget what do you want to spend it on approach and asking if they have ideas on reducing hot water consumption.

Teens need more regular full-body washing than toddlers because unlike toddlers, teens sweat, can have oilier skin due to hormones, have periods and other bodily functions that require a wash.

Yes completely understand this point, we're going to ask if they can think of a way to reduce their showers from 20-30 minutes to 10. Or at least if they can turn the water off at any point that they do so. E.g. They don't need it on to stand there for 5 minutes with a hair mask in contemplating the world.

That all sounds fair and sensible OP!

Thanks! Had a chat with DH and got him to understand that this is something we all need to do or no matter how hard I try it will cause resentment if I'm giving up little luxuries to find their branded snack habit. Plus I think he's genuinely realising they could do with eating a bit more healthily.

Who are you to say "objectively" it's not occasional? I have never met anyone that bathes as rarely as twice a week - I think it is occasional. Fair enough you don't. But I would feel very gross bathing twice a week, and my DD gets much dirtier on a daily basis than me.

The sweet and hormones etc are not any more valid a reason to wash than the spaghetti bolognese and mud toddlers get covered in. The point is if too much water is being used and that is why the toddler isn't washing more than twice a week, then it is appalling for others in the house to shower for 2 to 3 times longer than anyone should need to.

Well that poster is nobody to say what is occasional - the dictionary will tell you it means something that happens infrequently or irregularly. Something which happens at set times (like twice a week) isn’t infrequent. It isn’t irregular. It’s regular.

Personally, I wouldn’t be doing shallow baths twice a week for me or my kids - I’d be looking to cut back on many many other things before I told my kids they couldn’t have snacks or showers/baths. But that doesn’t change the meaning of the word occasional.

It sounds like you’ve hit a decent compromise op. Ten minute showers and a snack budget are reasonable cost cutters rather than ridiculously short showers and refusal of any snacks. I give my older kids budgets for some things and I actually think it helps them in many ways. Suddenly my son will be saying things like ‘no, I’ll have lunch before we go, maccies is too dear!’ But if I’m paying maccies isn’t a problem 😂

@aSofaNearYou

I have never met anyone that bathes as rarely as twice a week

I was talking specifically about bathing toddlers. Plenty do. Have a google, it's pretty standard advice to usually only bath your toddlers 2-3 times a week, and wash specific parts of them daily without bathing.

The sweet and hormones etc are not any more valid a reason to wash than the spaghetti bolognese and mud toddlers get covered in.

But toddlers don't tend to to get muddy or covered in spag Bol every day, or even four times a week! Whereas sweat, hormones etc effect teens nearly every day, if not every day.

The point is if too much water is being used and that is why the toddler isn't washing more than twice a week, then it is appalling for others in the house to shower for 2 to 3 times longer than anyone should need to.

But that is NOT the point. This is not why the toddler isn't washing more than twice a week. If it was, the OP would have presumably said so given it would be very relevant to this entire thread. You're trying to make it a point because you want to prove the toddler is also having to cut back, but that's not been discussed at all.

@alohamoha hold on. DSC aren't visitors, this is their home.

We also don't know OPs household income, bills or anything else. She doesn't have to share anything more than she's comfortable with.

Also if you see her most recent update she's gonna give DSC snack budget which means they have the autonomy to chose which ones they would like to have. I hardly call that trying to drive DSC away. But please don't let facts ruin a good dig at op.

NO IT ISN'T

(hth)

DSC aren't visitors, this is their home.

only if that’s rhetorically useful in berating an OP.

Otherwise, it’s very clear that many people do think they should be treated as honoured occasional visitors.

🤷🏻‍♀️

Also, imagine a non-stepparenting thread where people were shouting at an OP to stop buying fruit and healthy food because the teenagers should be eating crisps and chocolate.

‘BUY LESS FRUIT and LET THEM HAVE THEIR SNACK’

Healthy eating is for real parents to care about. NRPs clearly aren’t in that category so any normal rules or expectations are gulag conditions.

It's bonkers

I thought gulag conditions were

• being forcefully drugged
• made to live in dormitories at well below zero without heating or blankets
• fed a diet guaranteed to slowly starve you to death
• hard labour with lethal physical punishments
• no medical treatment

Slightly more arduous than a reduced snack allowance, I feel!

@DuchessDarty Look you don't need to keep on at me about this specific point, it's a small one given OP has updated and moved on, and I simply disagree with you. Yes I'm aware some people recommend washing them 2-3 times a week. For me this has never felt enough, and yes my toddler does get visibly mucky most days at nursery, and gets food on themselves. They don't have dry skin from showering. We don't have a bath, they have a brief daily shower. I'm not trying to claim others are wrong for only washing their toddlers 2-3 times a week, I was explaining why it wasn't laughably emotive of me to describe that as occasional. OP has alluded many times to the rest of the household consciously limiting/cutting back on water use. I'm not "trying" to make it seem like the toddler isn't allowed to wash much due to this, the implication has been that this is how the household conducts itself, generally keeping these things to a minimum. With that in mind, I find habitual 20-30 minute showers for the SC problematic. Tbh I find that problematic anyway. I grew up with a sibling who spent this long in the shower and it was very disruptive to the family in terms of bathroom hogging, slow progress getting ready to go out and hot water running out. I don't think anyone should be regularly showering for that long.

This is my opinion. You don't have to share it but for the love of God, will you let it go?

How dare you minimise the lifelong trauma caused by being offered an apple rather than a packet of wotsits

Worse than hard labour, I tell you.

You should just say to him when he moans that we are all a family regardless of how much time we spend together and we all need to work as a team to cut back on things no exceptions.

@TigersAndToucs what a really odd thing to say as a fully grown adult.