Bedroom one - not making my DC give up theirs

[Bedroom192]

Me and DH at loggerheads a little with this.

At the moment we live in a 3 bedroom house.

There is me, DH, our child together and then DHs two from previous relationship.

All 3 bedrooms are fairly large. Me and DH have one, DSC share one and our DC has the other.

All the children are the same sex however our child is a toddler (3) and DSC are pre teens (11 & 13).

It's always been a bit of a sore point as I spent a lot of time doing up our DCs room nicely. It's themed and I'm pretty impressed with how it turned out. DSCs room isn't themed as they are too old for that and is a bit more bland but they have a lot more equipment in it, TV, games consoles, computer etc... So imo yes I spent a lot of time and made a lot of effort with our DCs room but theirs is kitted out too.

Onto the main issue...!

DSC13 has been moaning a lot recently about sharing with their sibling. It's "all he wants in life" apparently to have his own room and so on (typical teen dramatics 😂).

DH has suggested we swap them around so our DS shares with DSC11 and then DSC13 can have his own room.

My response is absolutely fucking not basically.

My reasoning:

Firstly, the age gap. Ds goes to sleep a lot earlier than DSC. He needs his own room for that reason alone. It would likely just mean DSC having to share during the evening anyway when they want to play their games as we can't banish DSC11 from his room so DS can sleep whilst DSC13 has his own room to himself all evening.

Secondly, their room is a fucking pigsty. It's disgusting. Always a mess, they never tidy it and I've given up trying now as it's back in the same state every time they come. Appreciate it's teen behaviour but I'm not having DS have to have a tip of a bedroom just so two rooms can now be used as a dumpsite in the house. His room is clean and tidy and whilst I appreciate that's probably due to his age and it'll be a different story when he's a teen, that's the way it is now. It's not fair on him to go from that to sharing with DSC who can't respect his space and I'm not being roped into keeping it tidy because I'd feel I had to with it also being DS's room iyswim.

Thirdly (and I guess this is probably where I'm a bit unreasonable but it's how I feel), I pay for just as much of this house as my husband does. I want my son to have a nice bedroom. He is my priority at the end of the day. If DH is so desperate for DSC13 to have his own room he can figure out a way of getting a 4 bedroomed house. I don't see why I should pay 50% toward a house that my own child can't have his own space in. I don't have 3 children, I have 1.

This has never been an issue until DSC13 has started mentioning it. There's no way I'm budging.

Looks like you’ve had a namechange fail as you’re talking about a post being quoted that was written by almonds.

Oh the irony of you asking if someone has posted on this thread under another name whilst using a second name on this thread yourself.

@pitchforksandflamethrowers

I am generally worried about my own situation you have brought my thread head to make it all about my issues. Sorry please comment on there no respect for the OP. At least the OP should agree with you took over her thread bringing my issues here.

I was definitely tripping off my own but some of what I said about you all is correct. You all got a lot of work to do as sm treating me as if I was the child in your situation. Sorry I am not your SC and I am near the age I have said.
I learnt the hard way and really wish the OP resolves who hate for he relationship to break down over something that can be solved if she searched inside herself and realize she is saying some awful thing and not realizing of her OH position. Not saying she should give in to her SS that's definitely not what I mean. I mean speak to her SS there is other ways he can get space. In face everyone needs space maybe the OP struggling with the whole situation.
Nothing I am saying is wrong maybe you all are struggling on this board. Just don't think of yourselves all the time look at your OH, SC and your own DC view.
You DC family at loggerheads I suppose that's why I had to put aside because of my siblings.
I can admit I have been wrong in actually deliberately trying to wind you all up. Most people on MN is vile to be honest. I turned myself into a horrible person and did attack you. My situation nothing to do with this thread. It's a real situation I posted as I am worried well you seen my thread.
I haven't got time to for all the drama and won't sink to your level. But like I have said lessons will be learnt in the future you will all look back realize where you went wrong and understand more what you could of done to escalate situations.
Whatever you choose to twist up in your heads to respond is definitely up to you. Everyone needs to heard she heard. The SM, DC all especially the Man in this.
If not one understands you will figure it out one day.
I wish you all the best and hope you remember this.

To all of you I am not coming back and hopefully the OP will update you all. I might see the update but won't respond.
A lot my previous post was mistyped this stupid phone.

I am normally a nasty person on MN but like I said I been attacked on her over several threads.

One final thing there needs to be a lot of counselling for stepfamilies.

I meant that you all of you will look back and realize what you could of done to have stopped a situation escalating.

You ladies are better than that as women. Nothing was every going to be smooth sailing. Even when your DC added to mix.
Not saying you shouldn't have more children of you own with your DP.( Laughs to herself)
As you all will be thinking of my thread.
It's about making this SC feel included.
Even in my own situation there's a stepfamily and worry about stuff. It's natural and I personally couldn't be nasty or horrible to a child not mind. Again not saying you all are bad to your SC.
You just need to admit when help is needed.
Everyone needs help don't be ashamed to ask for it.
This maybe isn't what you signed up for. I get it but the SK didn't too. They were all thrown into a situation that not easy.
You go through mixed emotions that's probably why my posts don't make sense. I have mixed feelings on one hand can see the OP side but then I know this stroppy teen has an issue and wants space. We all need space.
Speak to your men and work through the issues.
You need to be the strong ones when they feel like piggy in the middle. It's not that easy for them to just stick up for you all when they are worried about their DC reactions. But always a solution to a problem.
Wishing each and everyone all the best. I hope at least something gone in what I said and it makes sense.. actually hear to help tbh. I won't attack lol.
Seriously I know I went a bit OTT.
Sorry OP come back update them all.
My last response.

@Scorpio8 that was long, I can't confess to reading much of it tbh.

Re your situation it seems quite simply to just carry on. You can't do anything about it and it seems unlikely that you will ever like your sm. Your business is exactly that. I would stop viewing her as a enemy, if nothing else for yourself.

Also you can't say I'm happy to wind up everyone on some other persons post and derail it and then say but mine is very much important.

Hi everyone. This thread is becoming somewhat derailed. Can we make a polite request that things get back on track, please? It's fine to strongly disagree with another poster but please express that without getting personal. If you're unfamiliar with our Talk guidelines, please have a read of them.

I haven’t read the full thread but YADNBU. Stand firm. Don’t budge.

ugh, repeat after me.

YES WE KNEW HE HAD KIDS
NO THAT DOESN'T MEAN WE KNEW WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE.

bio kids are fine to share OP, not stepkids though, even if they're only there 1 night per week. It's the law by mumsnet ;)

in answer to the OP though, of course you're being reasonable. Partition wall is a good idea!

You are not being unreasonable but your mode of expression and obvious dislike of your step kids and making them feel part of their family needs working on.