Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Original poster

Every little thing has to become about DSC

220 replies

Rory11 · 25/05/2022 07:13

By my husband... Every little thing I do has to be twisted and turned into what I've not done for DSC, what I'm doing wrong, how they might feel etc...

Today's was I recently got back off a holiday and got a very small token gift for DH (some food he likes) and a little teddy for our 1 year old son. But I didn't get anything for DSC who weren't even there.

I can't buy my own fucking kid a teddy without being questioned about it.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
HandbagsnGladrags · 25/05/2022 07:21

I'd get back to the airport if I were you and get on another holiday - he sounds painful.

TheLadyofShalott1 · 25/05/2022 07:22

If it were me I would have bought DSC something small as well. If your baby had been staying at it's grandparents for a few nights when you returned, would you have not bought your baby anything either?

I couldn't treat my DSC any differently in these sort of circumstances than I would my own birth child. But I do believe that not all step-parents feel the same way as me.

BadWolf2022 · 25/05/2022 07:24

Surely they get their own treats off their own mum and dad though?

Not everything you do needs to involve DSC.

MintyMoocow · 25/05/2022 07:24

He’s protecting his children, which is exactly what he should be doing. Are you taking his comments on board?

Original poster
Rory11 · 25/05/2022 07:26

MintyMoocow · 25/05/2022 07:24

He’s protecting his children, which is exactly what he should be doing. Are you taking his comments on board?

No, because they are ridiculous. This is one example of many other ridiculous things.

OP posts:
Lolliepoppie · 25/05/2022 07:27

I think it was a bit mean to buy everyone else in the family a token gift.

RocketsMagnificent7 · 25/05/2022 07:27

MintyMoocow · 25/05/2022 07:24

He’s protecting his children, which is exactly what he should be doing. Are you taking his comments on board?

Protecting them from what? I'm sure had they been there OP would either have got them something or waited to give her child their teddy.

As it was they weren't there and if no one mentions it they'll be none the wiser, thus nothing to be protected from.

Original poster
Rory11 · 25/05/2022 07:29

Lolliepoppie · 25/05/2022 07:27

I think it was a bit mean to buy everyone else in the family a token gift.

I didn't buy everyone else in my family a gift. I bought a £3 bit of food that my husband likes that I just happened to see and a small teddy for my baby. My husband wouldn't have gotten his if I hadn't walked past it in the shop.

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 25/05/2022 07:32

He’s a dick.

Doingmybest12 · 25/05/2022 07:33

I think it depends on what what sort of relationship you want with step children. You and their dad obviously see this differently,and he is parent to all the children and will have complicated feelings about that and so will you. If you can't blend the family in a way you both feel comfortable with you will have to decide if you want to remain in a relationship like this and if this is good for any of the children.

Original poster
Rory11 · 25/05/2022 07:34

Doingmybest12 · 25/05/2022 07:33

I think it depends on what what sort of relationship you want with step children. You and their dad obviously see this differently,and he is parent to all the children and will have complicated feelings about that and so will you. If you can't blend the family in a way you both feel comfortable with you will have to decide if you want to remain in a relationship like this and if this is good for any of the children.

He's the only one who appears to have an issue with the way anything is done!

OP posts:
MoobsAreNotBoobs · 25/05/2022 07:34

I don’t like the thinking that step parents have to do everything for their SC and I do think some people on this board expect too much from step parents. But in this situation, I think you should have bought all the kids something, presuming they’re all children, not adults.

cptartapp · 25/05/2022 07:36

Does he have his DC half of every week? If he's that hung up on equality?

ladydimitrescu · 25/05/2022 07:37

I also think you should have picked them up a token something. Would it have really killed you to do so? Just a bit thoughtless really.

Original poster
Rory11 · 25/05/2022 07:38

cptartapp · 25/05/2022 07:36

Does he have his DC half of every week? If he's that hung up on equality?

Tbf he does yes 🤣

They are 12 and an older teen

OP posts:
Original poster
Rory11 · 25/05/2022 07:39

ladydimitrescu · 25/05/2022 07:37

I also think you should have picked them up a token something. Would it have really killed you to do so? Just a bit thoughtless really.

No it obviously wouldn't have killed me. The point was the whole thing was pretty thoughtless. I didn't go out of my way to get everyone a gift. The only person I specifically bought a gift for on purpose was my baby.

I just happened to walk past some food DH likes whilst shopping and got it. I didn't specifically set out to buy him anything.

OP posts:
bloodyunicorns · 25/05/2022 07:39

Hmm. Can you give any more examples? The one you gave is not U. You can treat your baby without having to buy a gift for your dsc.

When they are with you, does your h do all the parenting? How much do you do for his dsc?

Original poster
Rory11 · 25/05/2022 07:43

I bought my son (a baby) some pyjamas when shopping once but didn't get any for DSC.

I drive our son to nursery but won't drive 12 year old DSC to school (a 10 minute walk).

Taking DS out for the day with friends but not immediately inviting DSC as soon as I realised they were staying that weekend unexpectedly.

Just some of the recent examples. There's more.

OP posts:
Justkeeppedaling · 25/05/2022 07:50

He loves his child. He probably feels guilty that he's not with him all the time. Cut him some slack. The DSC has the same relationship to you DH as your DC has, and he wants to treat them fairly and equally.
The DSC is going to be in your life forever, I know he's not your child, but if you want a good relationship, you're going to have to treat him like your own child.

Chilledchablis1 · 25/05/2022 07:57

Why is it up to you to drive your DSC to school ?
I think some of the comments on the Step Parenting Board are completely bonkers . I have ( adult) DSDs and enjoy a lot very good relationship with them but have never , nor been expected to, treat them exactly the same as my own DC . They have their own DM and other relatives who buy them gifts etc.

givethatWolfAbanana · 25/05/2022 07:57

Ridiculous man, he is passing his guilt onto you, and is trying to guilt you into caring more for HIS kids

itsgettingweird · 25/05/2022 07:59

Not biting her something when you brought her brother and dad something was unkind.

There's clearly other issues but if you're deliberately not treating her equally to her brother then it does ,are me question if dh has a point.

Ragwort · 25/05/2022 08:00

Are you the same poster who is commenting about having to have the DSC to stay whilst you are unwell have recently returned from holiday?

itsgettingweird · 25/05/2022 08:01

Is there a reason you can't drive her to school?

Timing? Or just because she's your DSD and you don't feel you should?

DockOTheBay · 25/05/2022 08:04

itsgettingweird · 25/05/2022 08:01

Is there a reason you can't drive her to school?

Timing? Or just because she's your DSD and you don't feel you should?

Presumably because its only a 10 minute walk and a 12 year old is perfectly able to walk it. I wouldn't drive my child OR step child that distance unless it was absolutely pelting down with rain or they were injured.