I don't want his ex at our wedding.

[malificent7]

We all get on really well but i don't want here there. I think it's because when we 1st got together he was too enmeshed even though she was living with another man (who she cheated on dp with). He admits he was scared of loosing dsd so he had to jeep things sweet.
Dsd will be 14 t the wedding and more than capable of holding her own. I want to have this 1 day on our terms.

@BurntToastAgain

I’ve got a son. Should I have forced my husband to have my ex at the wedding?

Yes. It seems so. And if you'd wanted to invite anyone he should have just accepted it too. Even if they were vile scum...

@BurntToastAgain

I’ve got a son. Should I have forced my husband to have my ex at the wedding?

Again, very arbitrary.

No idea what you should do. Given this lot get on well I’m not seeing what the issue is.

@pictish

Because his daughter would like it and because they get on well, he doesn’t mind? What’s the problem really? Because princess for a day?

I wouldn’t wear my insecurity and selfishness out loud by saying no.

Tough if his daughter would like it. My DSD would like a pony it isn't happening in this house.

The "problem" is OP doesn't want them there.

I’m not trying to cause shit here - I’m being honest.

Ok…give me one good reason not to invite her? And ‘because OP doesn’t want to’ doesn’t count. Adults have to do better than that when there’s actual people involved, including a kid.

Give me a reason that doesn’t relate to jealousy, insecurity or control.

The OP is not in charge.

historically she put dp through the shit. from the OP's posts.

You can't take emotions out of a wedding

The default isn't "invite everyone to the wedding" it's "no one is invited, who shall we invite"

Kids' needs come before the OP's needs. OP's wants come before the kid's, ESPECIALLY at her wedding. If SO wants the ex there because the kid wants it, tough, OP comes first.

But no point in discussing because there's no way @pictish isn't trolling as no rational person could insist on this.

I’m not trolling, I’m just more easy going than you.

One good reason that doesn’t relate to jealousy, insecurity or control please?

@pictish

I’m not trolling, I’m just more easy going than you.

Oh I have no doubt! How many of your SO's exes were at your wedding?

I think it's ok for her not to be there. DD1 will have all the rest of her family and presumably a friend or two.

Assuming DD1 is a big part of the day anyway she will be tied up with the service and at the top table etc. It could actually be awkward if she did come and would distract DD1. DD1 might end up feeling guilty about it.

The day should be about you two and not her. If she goes there will be family she hasn't seen for years etc making a fuss.

I would just ask DP what his priority is.

Given this lot get on well I’m not seeing what the issue is

But they don’t. That’s the point. There’s a lot of very weird history and some decidedly strange power dynamics fuelled by fear, obligation and guilt.

They’re not bezzie mates with a load of water under the bridge.

The OP’s DP is in tears at the prospect of telling his ex she can’t come to his wedding. That’s very far from normal.

One. We’re all part of the same social group. No kids involved. She’s also the best man’s sister. What of it?

@pictish

I’m not trying to cause shit here - I’m being honest.

Ok…give me one good reason not to invite her? And ‘because OP doesn’t want to’ doesn’t count. Adults have to do better than that when there’s actual people involved, including a kid.

Give me a reason that doesn’t relate to jealousy, insecurity or control.

You're not going to agree with anyone, because none of us agree with you on even this part. Because the bride doesn't want to/feel comfortable is a perfectly valid reason. No adults do not have to, but default, sacrifice their comfort on their wedding day just because their are kids involved.

Jealousy, insecurity and control are not the only reasons people don't like to be around their partners ex, particularly on their wedding day. The main reason is that it is simply uncomfortable for them. It says more about you than them that you can only think of judgemental, scathing reasons for that.

@pictish

I’m not trolling, I’m just more easy going than you.

You're not easy going at all, someone tells you they aren't comfortable with something and your only response is to judge them and call them jealous and insecure. I can think of lots more accurate and unflattering words for that than "just easy going"

Simply uncomfortable?
Oh well, must let the bride have her way. Who gives a shit about the groom and/or his daughter when the bride is…uncomfortable?
Nothing worse than that.

@pictish

Simply uncomfortable? Oh well, must let the bride have her way. Who gives a shit about the groom and/or his daughter when the bride is…uncomfortable? Nothing worse than that.

You keep saying this sarcastically but... yes? Any decent person would want the bride to be comfortable on their wedding day, rather than find that so ridiculous they need to be sarcastic about it.

I didn't say mildly uncomfortable, I said uncomfortable. She could be very uncomfortable.

@pictish

Simply uncomfortable? Oh well, must let the bride have her way. Who gives a shit about the groom and/or his daughter when the bride is…uncomfortable? Nothing worse than that.

Um, yes. Exactly that. No one gives a shit about what a 14 year old child wants at someone else's wedding. And the groom wants it only because of the child. You are so close yet so far.

I’m not implying that OP has to agree to it. I’m more concerned by Mumsnet handing out a flat no with fuck all to go on other than BRIDE BRIDE BRIDE.

What a self-absorbed bunch.

@pictish

I’m not trying to cause shit here - I’m being honest.

Ok…give me one good reason not to invite her? And ‘because OP doesn’t want to’ doesn’t count. Adults have to do better than that when there’s actual people involved, including a kid.

Give me a reason that doesn’t relate to jealousy, insecurity or control.

Because it’s a day celebrating the couple’s relationship. And it’s perfectly reasonable to not want anyone’s ex there. It’s about looking to the future.

The daughter can be kept company in many ways. Her wanting to have her mother there is neither here nor there.

I get on really well with my high school boyfriend. We are good friends. I didn’t invite him to my wedding because it wasn’t really appropriate and my husband wouldn’t have liked it.

He didn’t need to be there.

@pictish

I’m not implying that OP has to agree to it. I’m more concerned by Mumsnet handing out a flat no with fuck all to go on other than BRIDE BRIDE BRIDE.

No one but you is saying bride bride bride.

We are saying that it’s about both bride and groom. Equally. Neither should be insisting they can invite their ex if their partner has any objection.

I am very amicable with my ex. I wouldn't dream of attending or expect to be invited. Its time for him to turn a new page. It would be inappropriate for me to be part of it.

Oh come on. There is just no way a rational adult human has this opinion. But you had me going for a second there so well done you.