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Step-parenting

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Original poster

I don't want his ex at our wedding.

230 replies

malificent7 · 10/01/2022 10:49

We all get on really well but i don't want here there. I think it's because when we 1st got together he was too enmeshed even though she was living with another man (who she cheated on dp with). He admits he was scared of loosing dsd so he had to jeep things sweet.
Dsd will be 14 t the wedding and more than capable of holding her own. I want to have this 1 day on our terms.

OP posts:
KiloWhat · 12/01/2022 17:31

@pictish

All the no no no seems rather arbitrary to me. They get on well, share a daughter and he thinks it would be nice for his 14 yr old to have her mum for company.

My dd is 13 and very shy, she wouldn’t go to a wedding without an immediate family member for company. Even her dad’s - the groom will be busy after all.

Maybe he’s thinking about his kid? None of you have any idea what the dynamic is. It’s all ‘it’s YOUR day’. Two people are getting married. One has a daughter.

If the child wants to she can stay with mum.
pictish · 12/01/2022 17:31

All we know is the OP doesn’t like the idea of it. That’s it.
She’s not the only person who matters, gets a say or makes the decision. You’re all posting as if she is.

KiloWhat · 12/01/2022 17:31

@pictish

Zero need? Again, how would you know?
What need is there? Need. Not want. And if its a want that's even weirder. Who wants their ex at their wedding when their bride doesn't.
KiloWhat · 12/01/2022 17:32

@pictish

All we know is the OP doesn’t like the idea of it. That’s it. She’s not the only person who matters, gets a say or makes the decision. You’re all posting as if she is.
I disagree. I vetoed one of DH's guest suggestions and he was free to veto mine. Both parties have to want the people there.
pictish · 12/01/2022 17:32

“If the child wants to she can stay with mum.”

How kind.

KiloWhat · 12/01/2022 17:33

@pictish

“If the child wants to she can stay with mum.”

How kind.

You're the one saying maybe she can't handle the wedding without mum.
KiloWhat · 12/01/2022 17:34

If its about making sure the DD is comfortable then that should be considered.

aSofaNearYou · 12/01/2022 17:39

@pictish

All the no no no seems rather arbitrary to me. They get on well, share a daughter and he thinks it would be nice for his 14 yr old to have her mum for company.

My dd is 13 and very shy, she wouldn’t go to a wedding without an immediate family member for company. Even her dad’s - the groom will be busy after all.

Maybe he’s thinking about his kid? None of you have any idea what the dynamic is. It’s all ‘it’s YOUR day’. Two people are getting married. One has a daughter.

Because it's not the DDs wedding day. Teenager feeling shy (but presumably with her dad's family there) does not trump a bride feeling uncomfortable.
pictish · 12/01/2022 17:40

“Both parties have to want the people there.”
Yes that sounds super. Well done.
However, other families don’t have the same dynamic, relationships or arrangements as yours…nor will they face the same challenges. Each case depends on all of that, not some childish arbitrary bollocks being upheld just because.

BurntToastAgain · 12/01/2022 17:41

Presumably the teenager will have other family at the wedding too. Since her father’s family will be there. Or she could invite a friend.

Why does the ex wife have to attend?

pictish · 12/01/2022 17:41

Apparently NOTHING trumps the bride. Hmm

KiloWhat · 12/01/2022 17:41

@pictish

“Both parties have to want the people there.” Yes that sounds super. Well done. However, other families don’t have the same dynamic, relationships or arrangements as yours…nor will they face the same challenges. Each case depends on all of that, not some childish arbitrary bollocks being upheld just because.
If my husband had insisted his ex was there there would have been no wedding.

What possible reason is there for her to need to be there

KiloWhat · 12/01/2022 17:42

@pictish

Apparently NOTHING trumps the bride. Hmm
I would also feel the same if it were a bride wanting to invite her ex and the groom not wanting them there if that helps.
aSofaNearYou · 12/01/2022 17:43

@pictish

Apparently NOTHING trumps the bride. Hmm
On her wedding day, and unless it's about something far more serious? No
BurntToastAgain · 12/01/2022 17:43

@pictish

Apparently NOTHING trumps the bride. Hmm
Tbh, I wouldn’t marry someone if they insisted their ex wife must attend the wedding. Whatever the reason. It would be unacceptable to me. I wouldn’t expect him to invite my ex either.

There is no circumstance under which the ex wife being there is a necessity. Whatever the problem, there are many other potential solutions that don’t involve inviting her.

pictish · 12/01/2022 17:45

Again, two people getting married here.

aSofaNearYou · 12/01/2022 17:47

@pictish

Again, two people getting married here.
Are you trying to go in circles? Yes, but they should both be comfortable for something like this to happen. One is, one isn't, so it shouldn't happen.
KiloWhat · 12/01/2022 17:47

@pictish

Again, two people getting married here.
What reason can you think of why the ex has to be there? For the two people getting married.
BurntToastAgain · 12/01/2022 17:48

@pictish

Again, two people getting married here.
Yes.

And I would not marry anyone who would insist on inviting his ex wife to the wedding. Just as I wouldn’t invite anyone he had serious objections to.

pictish · 12/01/2022 17:48

And one has a daughter.

KiloWhat · 12/01/2022 17:49

People will be looking at her to check her reactions and stuff. I mean look at the treatment of Chelsea Davy. It's not fair on anyone involved.

KiloWhat · 12/01/2022 17:49

@pictish

And one has a daughter.
And?
BurntToastAgain · 12/01/2022 17:50

That doesn’t mean he gets to invite people I fundamentally object to being there.

No one is telling him not to invite the daughter. Or to ensure she has a friend or cousin or something.

Two people are getting married. That’s actually one occasion where the stepchild is not the primary consideration.

BurntToastAgain · 12/01/2022 17:51

I’ve got a son. Should I have forced my husband to have my ex at the wedding?

pictish · 12/01/2022 17:52

Because his daughter would like it and because they get on well, he doesn’t mind? What’s the problem really? Because princess for a day?

I wouldn’t wear my insecurity and selfishness out loud by saying no.

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