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Step-parenting

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Original poster

I don't want his ex at our wedding.

230 replies

malificent7 · 10/01/2022 10:49

We all get on really well but i don't want here there. I think it's because when we 1st got together he was too enmeshed even though she was living with another man (who she cheated on dp with). He admits he was scared of loosing dsd so he had to jeep things sweet.
Dsd will be 14 t the wedding and more than capable of holding her own. I want to have this 1 day on our terms.

OP posts:
pictish · 12/01/2022 06:46

If exes are still friends with each other, share mutual friends, possibly stay in touch with one another’s family members and relations between are still warm, a wedding invite isn’t the absurdity that some folks here think it is.

Interrobanger · 12/01/2022 09:40

@pictish

If exes are still friends with each other, share mutual friends, possibly stay in touch with one another’s family members and relations between are still warm, a wedding invite isn’t the absurdity that some folks here think it is.
Perhaps not. But that’s not the case here, so it’s irrelevant.
girlmom21 · 12/01/2022 09:45

@pictish

If exes are still friends with each other, share mutual friends, possibly stay in touch with one another’s family members and relations between are still warm, a wedding invite isn’t the absurdity that some folks here think it is.
But they're not friends - they've only developed the relationship they have because he pandered to her so she didn't withhold contact
DisforDarkChocolate · 12/01/2022 09:50

He's the one trying to be cool ex-husband.

Your step-child will have her Dad there and his family, they will be fine.

Tattler2 · 12/01/2022 10:16

A wedding should be a joyful celebration of a new beginning. If the joy and happiness of the celebration are contingent upon who is not there , that is rather a sad and somewhat ominous approach to future happiness. If someone else has that much control or impact on your ability to enjoy one of the most meaningful experiences in your life, that should give you pause to consider the direction in which your life is moving.

Your happiness and joy should be obvious to everyone in attendance and nothing else should matter.

KylieKoKo · 12/01/2022 10:30

@tattler2 I think there are lots of people who could ruin the enjoyment of someone's wedding by being there. Would you say the same to someone who didn't want their high school bully there? Or an old boss who'd made their life a misery? Or perhaps a relative that they'd cut contact with.

I don't think it's a bad thing to have boundaries around who you want at your own wedding.

Tattler2 · 12/01/2022 10:58

@KylieKoKoL
I don't think that I would plan a y joyful event around thoughts of who I did not want there. Hopefully, my own sense of personal joy and happiness would control my actions. I.do not believe that other people are so interested in my life that they are seeking out or looking for opportunities to make me unhappy.

I guess a lot depends upon your own outlook and the kind of karma that you would expect to bring in a similar situation.

TheWickedStepmum88 · 12/01/2022 11:11

[quote Tattler2]@KylieKoKoL
I don't think that I would plan a y joyful event around thoughts of who I did not want there. Hopefully, my own sense of personal joy and happiness would control my actions. I.do not believe that other people are so interested in my life that they are seeking out or looking for opportunities to make me unhappy.

I guess a lot depends upon your own outlook and the kind of karma that you would expect to bring in a similar situation.[/quote]
Karma is a made up thing and risking any discomfort or similar at your own wedding for the sake of 'karma' is ridiculous.

Their wedding should be a celebration of their family unit, that OP has created with her SO and stepchild, no doubt with a lot of compromise from her side. Her SC's mother is not a part of that celebration or unit. If OP has the slightest discomfort around her being there, she should not be there. Stepparents spend enough time worrying about other people, their wedding should really be at least one day where it's all about them.

KylieKoKo · 12/01/2022 11:35

Surely inviting negative energies into joyful situations would be bad karma anyway

Original poster
malificent7 · 12/01/2022 12:57

No idea what karma has to do with any of it?!

OP posts:
Original poster
malificent7 · 12/01/2022 13:08

A wedding is not about good/ bad karma, making statements about exes etc.

OP posts:
KiloWhat · 12/01/2022 13:12

@malificent7

A wedding is not about good/ bad karma, making statements about exes etc.
I know right. It's about the couple and a good knees up if they fancy it.

The ex has shit all to do with it.

mewkins · 12/01/2022 13:13

Eugh, just awkward. For everyone involved. I doubt she'd want to be there either.

KiloWhat · 12/01/2022 13:14

@mewkins

Eugh, just awkward. For everyone involved. I doubt she'd want to be there either.
Yes I don't know why OP's DP feels that shed even want to go
mamas12 · 12/01/2022 13:21

Well done op
You’ve done a very sane thing
If you don’t want her there then there is no discussion
I’m sure the dad will be ok about it too

KylieKoKo · 12/01/2022 14:24

I can't imagine rocking up at a significant exes wedding. I would think it was really weird if they invited me.

Starseeking · 12/01/2022 16:13

It's perfectly reasonable not to have your DP's ex at your wedding, I'm surprised your DP would have even entertained the idea, especially given the age of your DSD.

pictish · 12/01/2022 17:06

Remember folks, it’s her dp’s wedding too…not just the OP’s.

KiloWhat · 12/01/2022 17:07

@pictish

Remember folks, it’s her dp’s wedding too…not just the OP’s.
Yes but there is no need for the ex to be there. Absolutely none. And if DP insists on it then he's got his priorities all wrong.
pictish · 12/01/2022 17:19

Says who?

pictish · 12/01/2022 17:24

I mean, how would you know? Absolutely no need? Didn’t realise we had someone here who knows the groom personally.

KiloWhat · 12/01/2022 17:25

@pictish

Says who?
What possible reason has he got to want her there when his bride doesn't?
KiloWhat · 12/01/2022 17:26

@pictish

I mean, how would you know? Absolutely no need? Didn’t realise we had someone here who knows the groom personally.
There is zero need for her to be there unless there is a massive drip feed and she's his carer or the only other person able to look after his emotional support animal or similar.
pictish · 12/01/2022 17:28

All the no no no seems rather arbitrary to me. They get on well, share a daughter and he thinks it would be nice for his 14 yr old to have her mum for company.

My dd is 13 and very shy, she wouldn’t go to a wedding without an immediate family member for company. Even her dad’s - the groom will be busy after all.

Maybe he’s thinking about his kid? None of you have any idea what the dynamic is. It’s all ‘it’s YOUR day’. Two people are getting married. One has a daughter.

pictish · 12/01/2022 17:29

Zero need? Again, how would you know?

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