Many of you will recognise me from previous threads about my SD’s mum.
Quick summary of relevant info:
- she’s nearly 40 and her and DP split nearly 12 years ago due to her having an affair with a colleague
- up until recently she had been unemployed for over 3 years through choice (no illness, was made redundant from old job and didn’t look for another)
- she has never had a full time job, again through choice as childcare options were available etc
- she recently got a job but has decided to only do part time hours even though SDs are 12 & nearly 17
- DP pays above CMS, for all phone bills, uniforms, bus passes, and at least half of absolutely everything else
- SDs officially come to ours EOW but are here several times a week for dinner or stay overs because they’re old enough to come and go as they please now
So, here’s my gripe. Every single month (sometimes actually weekly) without fail she’ll call / text or get the girls to get in touch asking for more money for different things. It’s often not small amounts either… £100 for this, £250 for that etc.
Most of the time DP will oblige because he would never see his kids go without.
We took youngest SD away camping (oldest didn’t want to come, we paid for her to go to the Reading festival instead). The day we returned SD17 told us she’d just tested positive for covid. She was fine but obviously had to isolate.
We therefore made the decision to keep SD12 with us as we didn’t want her to go back to a household with confirmed covid in it. 5 days into isolation their DM tested positive, then as soon as her isolation period was up she went on trip away with her friends because it ended on “our weekend” with SDs.
So all in all we ended up having SD12 for nearly 4 weeks solidly. Not a problem, these things happen etc and of course she’s always welcome here as this is her home too.
Here’s now my problem… SD12 has now tested positive for covid (asymptomatic so not poorly, just positive) and her DM is kicking off demanding money as she now has to isolate and can’t go to work.
DP questioned this as the rules have changed but it turns out she’s anti-vax and turned down the vaccine so under the new guidance still has isolate if a member of her household has covid. Due to her short working hours, SD’s age and the fact she’s not actually poorly - if their DM had actually got the vaccine there would be no reason why she would need to miss work.
She was literally screaming down the phone saying she’ll miss out on money from work as she’ll have to take unpaid leave etc. She thinks DP and I should pay her wage or at least give extra cash.
Firstly, we do not have the spare cash to do this. We’ve offered for SD16 to come and stay here to ease the burden etc.
Secondly, my DP cannot afford to keep giving her the extra cash all the time as it is and I’m constantly bailing him out financially towards the the of every month and it’s beginning to really piss me off. I’ve accrued some credit card debt forward funding a few joint costs which I seem to always be paying off singlehandedly.
I have my own 2 children to support (not DPs, from previous relationships) and I am becoming resentful of her lazy, demanding attitude.
I do not think it’s up to us help out other than with the children and the only reason she’ll now be out of pocket is because of her life choices.
-she chose not to work for so long
-she chooses to only work part time
-she chose to not get vaccinated
I fail to see how any of these things are our problem? If she’s short of cash this month then she’ll need to do what other people do… use savings or a credit card.
I have told DP I would have no issue him giving extra all the time if he could actually afford it but he can’t so essentially I’m subsidising her monetary demands and I’m not willing to do it anymore.
I swear to God if he caves and pays out to her I will ask him to leave. I’m that furious about it.