To be annoyed about this? DSDs and Holiday.

[blaisealex]

I have a really close relationship with my DSDs.

I wanted to take them abroad for 3 nights in May half Term next year. They've never been abroad before but I know they want to go. It would just be me and DSDs. They'll be 18 and 14 when I planned to go. I was going to pay for it myself, out of my own pocket.

I didn't mention my plan incase their DM said no and she did. But I'm a little bit annoyed actually. I thought it would be fun and a great experience for them.

I have been in their life for 6 years. I spend money on them, I dedicate my time to them. Eldest DSD has been insured to learn to drive using my car. I have helped her apply for jobs, etc. But because I'm not their actual parent their DM doesn't feel comfortable with them going away for three nights with me. Though thats nothing against me, she said.

I do kind of understand it from her perspective but from mine, I dedicate so much time, money and energy toward my DSC. I love them. We have a great relationship. I take them out alone. I have looked after them alone. But yeah, whatever.

It's a pity, OP. You sound like a lovely SM and the dsds are lucky to have you.

DH has told me to 'drop it' as there's nothing we can do and definitely not to tell the girls. I'm just frustrated for them.

Yeah, I don't really get her issue. It's not like they're little. The 18 year old could go away on her own if she wanted and like you say, the 14 year old is quite mature. Has she given any reasons for saying no, apart from just saying she's not comfortable with it?

Getyourarseofffthequattro
No my oldest is 13 there's been covid so no school trips abroad. As for controlling not really parents have different rules not everyone feels comfortable their child being in a foreign country without them or their other parent.

I remember raising eyebrows at Banarama21's posts on other threads. I'm not sure if she plays the Devil's advocate or if she really is that strict.

@Bananarama21

Getyourarseofffthequattro No my oldest is 13 there's been covid so no school trips abroad. As for controlling not really parents have different rules not everyone feels comfortable their child being in a foreign country without them or their other parent.

It's just a shame for your kids I personally think.

BaronessBomburst

People can have a difference of opinion no need to get arsy with people that do otherwise we would be the same that's the point of an anonymous forum.

Does she actually know you at all? Women don’t tend to know their ex’s partner and that might be the problem?

Does she have any plans to take them abroad?

@TurdCrapley

Yeah, I don't really get her issue. It's not like they're little. The 18 year old could go away on her own if she wanted and like you say, the 14 year old is quite mature. Has she given any reasons for saying no, apart from just saying she's not comfortable with it?

She just said to DH "I'm going to have to say no. I'm not comfortable with them going away without a parent. This is nothing against X. I just don't feel comfortable with it."

None of them have done school trips abroad because they didn't have passports but last year she was going to let DSS 13 go to Netherlands with his Rugby Club. And she finally sorted their passports. But it got cancelled because of covid. So, he wouldn't have been with a parent then. And it was for longer than three nights which it what I was proposing. But perhaps she felt it safer as it was through the rugby club.

Getyourarseofffthequattro

Why DS has gone away with his DF and SM today they got to Blackpool 2 years he went to Turkey twice once with myself and DH and again with his DF and SM. If anything he's very lucky boy.

@Bananarama21

Getyourarseofffthequattro

Why DS has gone away with his DF and SM today they got to Blackpool 2 years he went to Turkey twice once with myself and DH and again with his DF and SM. If anything he's very lucky boy.

Why? Because he won't get to go on any school trips, or away with a friend if the chance arises or a grandparent if the chance arises. I did all of these things and I am so greatful that I did.

It's not an arsy comment. I was genuinely unable to decide. I've now come down on the side of strict.
Which is totally different to me but you'd like my mother!

Is it maybe not because she doesn't trust you but because it's something she hopes to experience with them? My two were 6&10 when we went abroad for the first time and it was a massive thing for them. 4 years later they will get to go abroad again next year and they are counting down. I would be gutted if someone else got to experience that with them

@JustGiveMeTwoMinutes

Does she have any plans to take them abroad?

No. The 14 year old doesn't have a passport even. I was going to pay for that too so I could take her.

@Newnormal99

Is it maybe not because she doesn't trust you but because it's something she hopes to experience with them? My two were 6&10 when we went abroad for the first time and it was a massive thing for them. 4 years later they will get to go abroad again next year and they are counting down. I would be gutted if someone else got to experience that with them

One is 18 though so she's kind of lost her opportunity I would have thought.

DH won't won't message her now to ask about just the 18 year old coming. He just told me to drop it and forget about it. So, that's that.

That’s shit of her. At the end of the day though, it’s really nothing to do with her if her 18 year old daughter goes on holiday with you - she’s an adult.

I would speak to the girls and say you want to take them, I bet the 18 year old could convince her. If she agrees to go, the 14 year old is the only one missing out.

Getyourarseofffthequattro

He won't get the chance to go away with a grandparent as my df has terminal cancer. As for school that hasn't arisen yet he's going into Year 9 I can see they putting on trips anytime soon with the current situation.

Not massively strict but DS isn't very street wise you may say. He goes out with friends and such he's not locked up in his bedroom, he has a lot more freedom than I ever did he can be easily influenced.

So you were going to take the girls but not the boy?

@Newnormal99

Is it maybe not because she doesn't trust you but because it's something she hopes to experience with them? My two were 6&10 when we went abroad for the first time and it was a massive thing for them. 4 years later they will get to go abroad again next year and they are counting down. I would be gutted if someone else got to experience that with them

It might be that. But she has no plans to take them any time soon. And the eldest is 18 so, I think she has missed that chance. She certainly isn't planning on taking them next year and i doubt the following year either, in which time the eldest will be 19-20.

Unless there’s a huge backstory I think she is being cruel.

Why deprive her daughters of a lovely experience? You’ve been their stepmum for 6 years, you’re hardly a stranger!

@BungleandGeorge

So you were going to take the girls but not the boy?

There's two boys (three boys if you include my own DS) and the two girls. I was going to take the girls as a girls only thing. Leaving my own DS at home too. They boys would have a fun camping weekend in the UK with DH. Though, I had planned when the boys are older to take them abroad too, just the boys, or get DH to take them as a lads only type of thing.

We live in the Netherlands. The children here are so streetwise it would give many a Mumsnetter palpitations. It's just a different way of parenting altogether.

So is there another step child too? DSS who’s not invited?

Out of interest how old are you OP? Could it be that she thinks you’re not responsible enough to be the adult in charge of her younger child? That you and the older one will be partying etc? Or is she upset that you were planning to take 2 of the SDCs but not the other? Sorry if I’ve misunderstood.