To be annoyed about this? DSDs and Holiday.

[blaisealex]

I have a really close relationship with my DSDs.

I wanted to take them abroad for 3 nights in May half Term next year. They've never been abroad before but I know they want to go. It would just be me and DSDs. They'll be 18 and 14 when I planned to go. I was going to pay for it myself, out of my own pocket.

I didn't mention my plan incase their DM said no and she did. But I'm a little bit annoyed actually. I thought it would be fun and a great experience for them.

I have been in their life for 6 years. I spend money on them, I dedicate my time to them. Eldest DSD has been insured to learn to drive using my car. I have helped her apply for jobs, etc. But because I'm not their actual parent their DM doesn't feel comfortable with them going away for three nights with me. Though thats nothing against me, she said.

I do kind of understand it from her perspective but from mine, I dedicate so much time, money and energy toward my DSC. I love them. We have a great relationship. I take them out alone. I have looked after them alone. But yeah, whatever.

Just to add I was planning a trip away anyway, I just thought it would be lovely for them to come with me.

Shes entitled to say no although the 18 year old could go with her being an adult.

The 18yo can make her own decision surely?

@Bananarama21

Shes entitled to say no although the 18 year old could go with her being an adult.

She is but it's shitty of her. It's not like they're babies.

I did wonder about asking DM if just the 18 year old could come but I feel terrible for the 14 year old because we all get on so well and equally, as sisters, they are best friends. It seems cruel to go without her.

The 18 year old she can’t stop. They’re an adult and can go on holiday with whoever they like. Surprised you asked the mother of an adult for permission tbh.

The 14 year old yes. Then again, why would she be worried about a 14 year old going away for 3 days with her adult sister and responsible adult friend.

She’s being ridiculous. You know she is.

I am at a loss now though as to what you can do. You can mention it but that will likely stir up trouble.

What does their dad think? Can’t he try and talk to their mum or talk to the kids?

Well it's not shitty of her is it. She's the mother you need to respect her wishes. I wouldn't allow my sons sm to take him away abroad on his own either I'd find it odd.

The 18 year old is an adult. Would she come with you?
But then that's a bit unfair on her sister.

And I still suspect she might try and say no to the 18 year old coming too.

I did wonder about asking DM if just the 18 year old could come but I feel terrible for the 14 year old because we all get on so well and equally, as sisters, they are best friends. It seems cruel to go without her

Chances are though if you invite just the 18 year old they will both put pressure on the mum to let the other go.

@Bananarama21

Well it's not shitty of her is it. She's the mother you need to respect her wishes. I wouldn't allow my sons sm to take him away abroad on his own either I'd find it odd.

What would you suspect her of?

It's different if their dad was coming who had parental responsibility incase anything happened abroad.

@Bananarama21

Well it's not shitty of her is it. She's the mother you need to respect her wishes. I wouldn't allow my sons sm to take him away abroad on his own either I'd find it odd.

It is shitty of her if op has a good relationship with them and they want to go. Who does her saying no benefit?

@BaronessBomburst

The 18 year old is an adult. Would she come with you? But then that's a bit unfair on her sister.

Yes, exactly. And both sisters are really close to each other. The 14 year old is very mature so all three of us get on really well. Seems unfair to go without her.

@Bananarama21

Well it's not shitty of her is it. She's the mother you need to respect her wishes. I wouldn't allow my sons sm to take him away abroad on his own either I'd find it odd.

I am respecting her wishes. Which is why I haven't even mentioned it to the girls because firstly I don't want them to be disappointed and I also don't want them to be annoyed at their DM.

AnneLovesGilbert nothing she's lovely she doesn't have parental responsibility however, ds goes away with sm and his df who has parental responsibility and can consent if needed if there was an emergencies.

@Reallyreallyborednow

The 18 year old she can’t stop. They’re an adult and can go on holiday with whoever they like. Surprised you asked the mother of an adult for permission tbh.

The 14 year old yes. Then again, why would she be worried about a 14 year old going away for 3 days with her adult sister and responsible adult friend.

She’s being ridiculous. You know she is.

I am at a loss now though as to what you can do. You can mention it but that will likely stir up trouble.

What does their dad think? Can’t he try and talk to their mum or talk to the kids?

DH is disappointed but expected that she would say no. But he doesn't want to pursue it further or cause any issues. I just genuinely thought it would be such a lovely thing for the girls.

@Bananarama21

AnneLovesGilbert nothing she's lovely she doesn't have parental responsibility however, ds goes away with sm and his df who has parental responsibility and can consent if needed if there was an emergencies.

Presumably you could be contacted if needed though. Will you not let your teenagers go away with friends and their parents?

I wouldn't let any extended family member take one of my dc abroad so I guess it's the same principle.

It's different if their dad was coming who had parental responsibility incase anything happened abroad

The 18 year old doesn’t need an adult with PR.

Neither does the 14 year old. Loco parentis forms are easy enough, my children travel all over with sports clubs, including abroad. We don’t go with them, the sports coach has a loco parentis form should consent be needed for anything.

I was 11 when I first went abroad without my parents. It was a school trip.so no
one with parental responsibility there.
And I went again at 16 and 17 on school trips, and then again with a friend at 17.
She's just being a dog in a manger.

Getyourarseofffthequattro

At 17/18 yes when they are more mature at 14 no I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that other parents have different parenting styles maybe more lax than how I'd parent.

@Bananarama21

I wouldn't let any extended family member take one of my dc abroad so I guess it's the same principle.

Never been on a school trip then either? Wow. That's shitty for them.

@Bananarama21

Getyourarseofffthequattro

At 17/18 yes when they are more mature at 14 no I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that other parents have different parenting styles maybe more lax than how I'd parent.

That seems quite controlling

Reallyreallyborednow

That doesn't mean the dm feels comfortable with it I wouldn't at 14.